Since we spent the entire month of August discussing shyness, I want to spend a little time this month discussing the other side of that coin. Last week, I talked about The Assertiveness Myth. This week, I'd like to talk about the myth that every good communicator can always convince the other person of anything.
The problem with this myth is three-fold:
1. It puts a great deal of pressure on the communicator.
If you think you will be able to convince everyone, you'll be a very stressed and frustrated communicator.
2. It puts a great deal of pressure on the one he's trying to convince.
As we discovered in last week's article, assertiveness isn't the answer to every issue. However, what you also need to know is that it can be a big detriment. You know this to be true because you have often felt pushed into a corner when someone harped on something too long. You dug in your heels and were even more determined to stand your ground the longer Mr. Assertiveness talked. Why is this so bad?
Because what happens after someone has tried to be assertive too long? Does the other person just go back to treating Mr. Assertiveness the way he always has or does he try to steer clear of that topic? Avoid him altogether? React with immediate and violent negativity any time anyone attempts to have a similar discussion with him?
3. It doesn't take into account the will of the listener.
Why can't even a great communicator convince everyone all the time? Because communication is a two way street. Not only does it require one person effective in getting his or her point across the way in which it was intended, but it also requires that the other person accept it.
Effective communication is the act of transfering information in a way that the other person understands what you are saying. Persuasion is quite another thing. You can explain to me why you believe tree trunks are blue or that rocks are squishy. Though you may make a logical case, I probably won't accept your conclusion.
A good communicator can always express himself well and that will go a long way in persuasion, but the other person holds all the cards afterward. It's up to them to either accept or reject what you have presented.
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The Persuasion Myth
Since we spent the entire month of August discussing shyness, I want to spend a little time this month discussing the other side of that coin. Last week, I talked about The Assertiveness Myth. This week, I'd like to talk about the myth that every good communicator can always convince the other person of anything.
The problem with this myth is three-fold:
1. It puts a great deal of pressure on the communicator.
If you think you will be able to convince everyone, you'll be a very stressed and frustrated communicator.
2. It puts a great deal of pressure on the one he's trying to convince.
As we discovered in last week's article, assertiveness isn't the answer to every issue. However, what you also need to know is that it can be a big detriment. You know this to be true because you have often felt pushed into a corner when someone harped on something too long. You dug in your heels and were even more determined to stand your ground the longer Mr. Assertiveness talked. Why is this so bad?
Because what happens after someone has tried to be assertive too long? Does the other person just go back to treating Mr. Assertiveness the way he always has or does he try to steer clear of that topic? Avoid him altogether? React with immediate and violent negativity any time anyone attempts to have a similar discussion with him?
3. It doesn't take into account the will of the listener.
Why can't even a great communicator convince everyone all the time? Because communication is a two way street. Not only does it require one person effective in getting his or her point across the way in which it was intended, but it also requires that the other person accept it.
Effective communication is the act of transfering information in a way that the other person understands what you are saying. Persuasion is quite another thing. You can explain to me why you believe tree trunks are blue or that rocks are squishy. Though you may make a logical case, I probably won't accept your conclusion.
A good communicator can always express himself well and that will go a long way in persuasion, but the other person holds all the cards afterward. It's up to them to either accept or reject what you have presented.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
If you liked this post, read…Seven Reasons Why YOU Should Sign Up for the Art of Eloquence Newsletter!
3 comments
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