5 Reasons Why the Silent Treatment Doesn't Work

This week's word is really a term: Silent Treatment.  This is a term (and a technique) used when someone has "done you wrong" and you pay them back by refusing to speak to them.  I recently saw a commercial for some silly show or other where the gal claimed the silent treatment was not effective because men like it!  She said if you really wanted to get your husband mad, you don't give them the silent treatment; you continue to talk to him!  lol Well, this got me thinking about how effective the silent treatment really is in every day, real life.  And you know what?  It isn't!  Why?  I'll give you five reasons: 1. They may rather like it! As this woman stated, many people who are angry with you might actually LOVE it if you didn't talk to them anymore! 2. They may not notice. If they aren't smiling because they are happy you're not talking to them, they may simply have not noticed! 3. It's hard to keep it up. Even if they did notice and were upset by it, you can't possibly keep it up for any length of time.  That is, if you have any sort of regular interaction with this person. 4. It doesn't deal with the problem. Not talking to someone may mean you don't have to acknowledge them, but it may not mean you won't be upset by them again.  They may continue to do the very thing you are angry about (over and over again) because you haven't solved the problem, you've only stopped communicating--on YOUR end. 5. Where do you go from there? So where does that leave you and your spouse, anyway?  Or you and your best friend?  Since it didn't solve the problem, where do you go from here?  How can you get past an issue you don't deal with? The silent treatment may be a short term way for you to vent your frustrations.  And then, again, maybe it doesn't even afford you that much! But what it will not do is solve the problem you have with that other person.  The silent treatment doesn't solve a thing and can cause even more frustration and damage to your relationship.  My recommendation is to learn to deal with conflict.  Check out our sample lesson from Say What You Mean: Avoiding, Reducing and Resolving Conflicts at the bottom of this page and enable more blessings in your relationships in 2012. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com If you liked this post, please subscribe to our RSS feed and share the link…


  • Carla

    My family gets very afraid when I shut up. ROFLOL Seriously, though, you need to learn to talk things out, not shout them out or go silent. What’s needed in most situations is a rational, calm, two-way conversation where both parties are making cogent points and both are LISTENING to each other. Not always the easiest thing to achieve!

  • cynthia

    i agree if you don’t discuss what the problem is it is never going to be resolved..people can not read your mind..Husbands and wives just might be glad you finally just shut up..great blog post

  • Herman

    Wow, what a quality site this is!

  • JoJo

    True, Cindy!

  • Cindy Holman

    This is true – some people really don’t mind it – and others may not notice, so we’re only punishing ourselves. Holding a grudge against someone who may or may not notice is in the end – punishing ourselves. It’s funny that we keep doing it, though.

Leave a comment