On Monday we discussed the first two rules of disagreeing in grace. Rules three and four involve being calm and concentrating on the issues rather than the person's character.
3. Be Calm
The best way to share your views with anyone is in a calm and rational manner. The more passionate you are about a topic, the harder that will be. When you give a speech, being passionate about it is beneficial, but when you are trying to change someone's mind or heart, it is a deterrent. Nobody wants to be forced into accepting something. They want to come to their own conclusions after hearing all the facts.
Ignatz is trying to get Igor into a business deal and he's not going to take no for an answer. So he raises his voice, digs in and badgers poor Igor for what seems an interminable length of time. Even though the idea seems to have merit, Igor is suspicious because Ignatz is so insistent. He feels as though there must be an ulterior motive or a hidden disadvantage if Ignatz is pushing so hard.
If Ignatz had just come to him and calmly stated the value and benefits of the deal, he would have been inclined to agree right away. As it happened, he was so suspicious that he waited too long and the deal was no longer an option.
4. Don't Condemn the Person; Question the Issues
Remember always that the Lord loves His children. It's the sin He hates. Keep in mind that people are not machines. We don't switch our sin on and off. Ask questions. Share. Condemn the action if you must, but never condemn the person that Jesus loves!
Ivan and Mabel were discussing politics when Ivan was so disgusted with her inability to prove her point that he called her an ignorant fool and proceeded to question everything from her honesty to her sanity. It wasn't long before Mabel was no longer listening, dug in her heels and declared her allegiance to the other viewpoint even though she secretly began to feel he had made a few good points.
If Ivan had only stuck to the issues instead of attacking her personally, they may have been able to have a civil discussion.
Remaining calm and sticking to the issues in question will help you appear to be fair minded and intelligent while allowing the other person to thoughtfully consider your position, even if they don't adopt it.
This YouTube video is of Tim Keller talking about how society now discusses faith. It illustrates what I've shared for years about communication and sharing our faith: it takes grace and respect.
Come back next week when I'll share more from "10 Quick Rules for Disagreeing in Grace!"
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Disagreeing in Grace 3&4
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On Monday we discussed the first two rules of disagreeing in grace. Rules three and four involve being calm and concentrating on the issues rather than the person's character.
3. Be Calm
The best way to share your views with anyone is in a calm and rational manner. The more passionate you are about a topic, the harder that will be. When you give a speech, being passionate about it is beneficial, but when you are trying to change someone's mind or heart, it is a deterrent. Nobody wants to be forced into accepting something. They want to come to their own conclusions after hearing all the facts.
Ignatz is trying to get Igor into a business deal and he's not going to take no for an answer. So he raises his voice, digs in and badgers poor Igor for what seems an interminable length of time. Even though the idea seems to have merit, Igor is suspicious because Ignatz is so insistent. He feels as though there must be an ulterior motive or a hidden disadvantage if Ignatz is pushing so hard.
If Ignatz had just come to him and calmly stated the value and benefits of the deal, he would have been inclined to agree right away. As it happened, he was so suspicious that he waited too long and the deal was no longer an option.
4. Don't Condemn the Person; Question the Issues
Remember always that the Lord loves His children. It's the sin He hates. Keep in mind that people are not machines. We don't switch our sin on and off. Ask questions. Share. Condemn the action if you must, but never condemn the person that Jesus loves!
Ivan and Mabel were discussing politics when Ivan was so disgusted with her inability to prove her point that he called her an ignorant fool and proceeded to question everything from her honesty to her sanity. It wasn't long before Mabel was no longer listening, dug in her heels and declared her allegiance to the other viewpoint even though she secretly began to feel he had made a few good points.
If Ivan had only stuck to the issues instead of attacking her personally, they may have been able to have a civil discussion.
Remaining calm and sticking to the issues in question will help you appear to be fair minded and intelligent while allowing the other person to thoughtfully consider your position, even if they don't adopt it.
This YouTube video is of Tim Keller talking about how society now discusses faith. It illustrates what I've shared for years about communication and sharing our faith: it takes grace and respect.
Come back next week when I'll share more from "10 Quick Rules for Disagreeing in Grace!"
x
*SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER*: For Even More Communication Fun, FREE Gifts and Exclusive Offers!
x
On Monday we discussed the first two rules of disagreeing in grace. Rules three and four involve being calm and concentrating on the issues rather than the person's character.
3. Be Calm
The best way to share your views with anyone is in a calm and rational manner. The more passionate you are about a topic, the harder that will be. When you give a speech, being passionate about it is beneficial, but when you are trying to change someone's mind or heart, it is a deterrent. Nobody wants to be forced into accepting something. They want to come to their own conclusions after hearing all the facts.
Ignatz is trying to get Igor into a business deal and he's not going to take no for an answer. So he raises his voice, digs in and badgers poor Igor for what seems an interminable length of time. Even though the idea seems to have merit, Igor is suspicious because Ignatz is so insistent. He feels as though there must be an ulterior motive or a hidden disadvantage if Ignatz is pushing so hard.
If Ignatz had just come to him and calmly stated the value and benefits of the deal, he would have been inclined to agree right away. As it happened, he was so suspicious that he waited too long and the deal was no longer an option.
4. Don't Condemn the Person; Question the Issues
Remember always that the Lord loves His children. It's the sin He hates. Keep in mind that people are not machines. We don't switch our sin on and off. Ask questions. Share. Condemn the action if you must, but never condemn the person that Jesus loves!
Ivan and Mabel were discussing politics when Ivan was so disgusted with her inability to prove her point that he called her an ignorant fool and proceeded to question everything from her honesty to her sanity. It wasn't long before Mabel was no longer listening, dug in her heels and declared her allegiance to the other viewpoint even though she secretly began to feel he had made a few good points.
If Ivan had only stuck to the issues instead of attacking her personally, they may have been able to have a civil discussion.
Remaining calm and sticking to the issues in question will help you appear to be fair minded and intelligent while allowing the other person to thoughtfully consider your position, even if they don't adopt it.
This YouTube video is of Tim Keller talking about how society now discusses faith. It illustrates what I've shared for years about communication and sharing our faith: it takes grace and respect.
Come back next week when I'll share more from "10 Quick Rules for Disagreeing in Grace!"
x
*SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER*: For Even More Communication Fun, FREE Gifts and Exclusive Offers!
x
12 comments
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good contribution
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Very powerful video! He said the whole thing in one sentence. . . “Many do not know how to have a conversation.” It’s either yelling and screaming or they run and hide. You are so right, JoJo, in that you have to take the other person as. . . well, a person, too! You can make your points in a calm, peaceful way. Once you start yelling, you’ve lost them anyway. Seems, though, that in our society today, one side bullies and the other runs away. Then the bullies make up the rules on their bully points and, now, a rational conversation is no longer possible.
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So true, Carla!
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Wow – powerful video – the things we don’t know – at least I didn’t. Maybe you need to be one of the ones he talks about that “writes a book” to tell the other side of the argument – just a thought… :)
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Cindy, I’ve already authored several books and taught hundreds of seminars about communicating in grace. All Art of Eloquence communication studies have advocated this for over 8yrs. 21 Days to More Godly Communication is all about communicating in grace. Say What You Mean: Defending the Faith is about sharing our faith in grace. Check out my website: http://www.ArtofEloquence.com and specifically SWMDF: http://artofeloquence.com/catalog.php?item=40&ret=index.php