You Suck! Buy My Stuff?

So, the other day I was deleting my SPAM emails when I came across this: 


I've hidden his last name and site to protect his identity, but I felt this was a hilarious example of how NOT to communicate to your potential customers/clients. It's a rather short email, but there is actually quite a lot there to talk about. Let's take this from the top.

First, I have to congratulate Johnny on his email address and subject line. You can't see his email address here, but it looks like a domain email instead of the nonsense I usually see (eg: His subject line, though it makes it appear as if I had requested some info from him (re:____), does get right to the point so I know exactly what he's sending me and why. Great job Johnny! 

Let's just ignore the ***SPAM*** warning as I get that even when something legitimate comes in as well. It' s not Johnny's fault. Sorry, Johnny!

Another "WIN" for Johnny is that his email is short, direct, and to the point. I don't know about you, but I hate getting SPAM that is a nine-page long mind-numbing gibberish. Nobody talks that way and I don't have the time to read it so --DELETE! Johnny's is clear. 

Never mind that the "hi" should be capitalized and that there is no punctuation after his sentence.  That's just nitpicky and I can usually overlook this. Though I would caution you to be careful in your own correspondence with customers or clients. It just looks more professional and I know some people who WILL NOT do business after receiving something with poor grammar, spelling, or punctuation. (My dear husband)

Now here's where Johnny goes wrong...

After checking out my chronic illness blogsite, Johnny says, "we strongly advise you to take any of our services here.

I have to confess that I had a strong desire to email him this reply:

After checking out your email, we strongly advise YOU to take any of our communication materials here: 

Now Johnny isn't the only one insulting his customers. I've seen things like, "This is why you're FAT!" Ok. It actually said, "This is why your FAT!" Does insulting people increase or decrease sales? I don't know of any studies. If you do, feel free to post them here, but everyone I have ever talked to about this says NO! 

It may grab my attention, which is what a headline or subject line is designed to so, but it most certainly wouldn't get me to PAY them any of my hard-earned money! But I digress...back to Johnny. 

He's not only insulting (though I admit freely that I don't know much about SEO), but he is also condescending and snippy. Here's how I read it:

"We STRONGLY advise you to take ANY of our services!"

And my knee-jerk reaction was more like, "I STRONGLY advise YOU to keep your opinions out of my inbox!" I wouldn't click on Johnny's link if HE paid ME!

To Johnny's credit, he does actually include the link, but there was no "pricelist" attached even if I was so inclined. He signs his full name which is more than I can say for most of my spammers yet he doesn't include his main website URL which is a small point, but one I'd advise businesses to include. 

I'm sorry to say that, for all the things Johnny did well, he left me feeling insulted as well as interrupted. Though I must admit to getting a good laugh which is always welcome, so thanks, Johnny, but I won't be doing business with you. 

Before you hit SEND, please look back over your wording to see if you come off rude or insulting. This one little thing can make a BIG difference when you're trying to attract business or trying to get your point across for that matter.  


JoJo Tabares 
Christain-based speech communication materials for all ages! 
Equipping the Christian Community to speak out 
in boldness tempered by grace since 2002!


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