It's that time of the month for our brand new feature, Ask JoJo, where my readers email in their communication questions and I answer them. Our first communication question comes from Christina who asks this question about Facebook communication:
"I occasionally comment on things I disagree with (not always, just now and than), sometimes to discuss it, and sometimes just to state my opinion. But, people either try to debate me (rather than just discussing or talking about it) or insult me. Today, I posted a comment merely asking for proof for something and when no one gave me any, and I merely stated that my opinion hadn't changed because of it. Someone claimed I wasn't convinced, and was a waste of time to talk to:'because I'm home-schooled and live in a different realm.
How would you respond to this and what do you think is the best way to try and avoid these situations altogether? Beside, never commenting or avoiding discussions and debates, altogether.
I try to handle these things, with grace and humility, as well as patience, but I obviously must do something wrong, otherwise why would I always get such negativity? I understand, that it would be hard to pinpoint, since you haven't witnessed the conversations, I've with these people. But I figure since you know a lot about communication and have more experience, you could give some pointers or tips. As you have probably experienced or witnessed this sort thing, at some point. :)"
This is a fabulous question! While I don't know the full details of this particular situation, I can help you with some general insights and tips.
Background:
I don't see anything you asked that was wrong. Some people are just looking for a fight or to disagree. People tend to be bolder and less interested in grace on the internet because they don't have to see the faces of those they challenge, insult or hurt. In addition, sometimes people take asking for the source of a story as an assault on them and they feel guilty for not checking it out. Instead of owning up to being a bit careless when posting a story, they feel challenged and so they lash out.
How I would respond to being in a different realm because of being homeschooled:
What school you attended is not at issue. The issue raised was one of credibility and validity of the story. It's unwise to accept information at face value and, without knowing the source, information must be questioned. You might put it this way:
I don't understand what the school I attended has to do with my asking for verification of information. I'm sure you would agree that it isn't wise to accept everything at face value. I was only asking where I might find the source of the story before accepting it as truth. So many things on the internet are either incorrect or even a pure hoax.
How you might be able to avoid this issue in the future:
Sometimes the words we choose to use can make all the difference. In the future, you might choose to replace the word proof with source or say, "can you tell me where you found this info?" It's a matter of semantics, but presents a softer message.
Something else you can do is to look the title or subject line up on Snopes.com and post the link. It would be hard for anyone to argue with that.
I pray this has helped you and my other readers who may have encountered similar situations.
NOTE: Don’t forget to submit your communication questions to jojo@artofeloquence.com for my monthly Ask JoJo section of my blog. I’ll pick one question per month to answer right here on the blog! You can ask anything related to communication skills from a tip on how not to be nervous making a speech to what games your kids can play that will help them hone their communication skills and even if your website or blog is clearly written!
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If you liked this post, read…Seven Reasons Why YOU Should Sign Up for the Art of Eloquence Newsletter!
Ask JoJo: Facebook Communication
It's that time of the month for our brand new feature, Ask JoJo, where my readers email in their communication questions and I answer them. Our first communication question comes from Christina who asks this question about Facebook communication:
"I occasionally comment on things I disagree with (not always, just now and than), sometimes to discuss it, and sometimes just to state my opinion. But, people either try to debate me (rather than just discussing or talking about it) or insult me. Today, I posted a comment merely asking for proof for something and when no one gave me any, and I merely stated that my opinion hadn't changed because of it. Someone claimed I wasn't convinced, and was a waste of time to talk to:'because I'm home-schooled and live in a different realm.
How would you respond to this and what do you think is the best way to try and avoid these situations altogether? Beside, never commenting or avoiding discussions and debates, altogether.
I try to handle these things, with grace and humility, as well as patience, but I obviously must do something wrong, otherwise why would I always get such negativity? I understand, that it would be hard to pinpoint, since you haven't witnessed the conversations, I've with these people. But I figure since you know a lot about communication and have more experience, you could give some pointers or tips. As you have probably experienced or witnessed this sort thing, at some point. :)"
This is a fabulous question! While I don't know the full details of this particular situation, I can help you with some general insights and tips.
Background:
I don't see anything you asked that was wrong. Some people are just looking for a fight or to disagree. People tend to be bolder and less interested in grace on the internet because they don't have to see the faces of those they challenge, insult or hurt. In addition, sometimes people take asking for the source of a story as an assault on them and they feel guilty for not checking it out. Instead of owning up to being a bit careless when posting a story, they feel challenged and so they lash out.
How I would respond to being in a different realm because of being homeschooled:
What school you attended is not at issue. The issue raised was one of credibility and validity of the story. It's unwise to accept information at face value and, without knowing the source, information must be questioned. You might put it this way:
I don't understand what the school I attended has to do with my asking for verification of information. I'm sure you would agree that it isn't wise to accept everything at face value. I was only asking where I might find the source of the story before accepting it as truth. So many things on the internet are either incorrect or even a pure hoax.
How you might be able to avoid this issue in the future:
Sometimes the words we choose to use can make all the difference. In the future, you might choose to replace the word proof with source or say, "can you tell me where you found this info?" It's a matter of semantics, but presents a softer message.
Something else you can do is to look the title or subject line up on Snopes.com and post the link. It would be hard for anyone to argue with that.
I pray this has helped you and my other readers who may have encountered similar situations.
NOTE: Don’t forget to submit your communication questions to jojo@artofeloquence.com for my monthly Ask JoJo section of my blog. I’ll pick one question per month to answer right here on the blog! You can ask anything related to communication skills from a tip on how not to be nervous making a speech to what games your kids can play that will help them hone their communication skills and even if your website or blog is clearly written!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
If you liked this post, read…Seven Reasons Why YOU Should Sign Up for the Art of Eloquence Newsletter!
8 comments
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Well done, Jojo! You gave all the correct responses with grace and truth. Your ‘Background’ information is right on…I have dealt with this before and have had to manage my ‘friends list’ because sometimes, there just isn’t a solution. People frequently do the same thing posting that they do in conversation…they don’t ‘listen’, they prepare their reply…which frequently have no real bearing in the actual truth of the matter. Kudos!
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Thanks, Sharon, for sharing your thoughts. You bring up another good point. Some people will prefer to discuss a side issue or make a big deal of a totally different point rather than discuss the merits of their post.
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Very nice. Really helpful information to keep in mind, for future facebook communications (and off facebook too).
It’s also probably, the lack of tone of voice and facial expressions. What doesn’t sound threatening or accusatory to me, might sound that way to someone else, regardless of how one puts it ( I try to read something at least twice before responding, just to make sure I truly understand, what is being said). It’s not only what you read, but how you read it, there is so much, that can be read into written communication. There isn’t always a need to read between the lines, the lines themselves provide much more insight, at least in regard to lines of text. If it’s paper lines than reading between them is a must, the middle in that sense really does contain the best part! - Facebook should come out with an audio comment feature lol pictures angry audio comments…..er maybe not O.o ah well least you’d know their angry. And one last thought: I wonder if it could be said, everything sounds worse (or better) on facebook? -
Exactly. Written communication, whether online or off is devoid of all that makes face-to-face communication so rich. That can skew meaning. Word choice can skew meaning and so many other things. I LOVE your idea of a Facebook voice feature! You should suggest that to them! Brilliant!
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I wouldn’t like voice communication. That would mean getting in a long drawn out debate with someone, because you know that’s what it would be used for. except for the lack of unlike button i’m ok with FB as it is