Since our Birthday Bash Contest
is coming to a close this month, this week is Birthday Bash week here at Communication FUNdamentals. Monday, I shared a Word Scramble
with two ways to get extra points toward our Birthday Bash Grand Prize. So...for this week's misused word, I'd like to share a bit about the word bash.
This word has been thrown around a great deal recently to mean anything from attacking someone verbally to interpreting something someone said as in some way negative. It's the latter I'd like to discuss here today.
Are we all just too sensitive?
Merriam Webster defines bash as "to attack physically or verbally." However, I've seen situations where a person has taken something someone said and either nitpicked it or taken it out of context in order to find an offense. Some of us are so sensitive about a particular topic that we look for opportunities in which to take offense. How can we know whether or not something was meant as an offense and whether or not to address the issue or leave it be?
Here are JoJo's Rules of Thumb for Taking Offense.
1. Always assume the other person means well until proven otherwise.
This is very similar to assuming someone is innocent until proven guilty. The law of the land says that the accused is assumed innocent until proven guilty. Unfortunately, we don't often extend the same courtesy to those who are not accused criminals. We don't often give "accused offenders" the same grace. I find that, when I assume the other party didn't mean to offend, I am proven right given a little time.
2. Give it time.
Sometimes we need to sit with things a bit before we can see its true meaning. If our initial feelings lead us to conclude an offense was meant, we may be happy to find that given time, the situation reveals itself. I have noticed that the conversation or email/Facebook replies will give clarification to the original meaning or cause the speaker to reword his communication in order to reveal his original meaning which was not meant in any derogatory way.
3. Look at it with fresh eyes.
Ask yourself if you might be reading too much into the comment. Perhaps you know you are overly sensitive to this issue. Reread it to see if there is another way in which it could have been meant.
4. Think on his reputation.
Has this person been known to be hostile? Has he made a habit of browbeating or verbally bashing folks before? Or has this person been a kind and considerate soul? Have you known this person to have difficulty expressing himself? Is English his second language? These are all things that might help you paint a picture of the individual which will give you clues as to his intentions.
5. Ask a question.
Ask for clarification and you may find that the offense is simply due to a simple miscommunication.
6. Address it in grace.
If you feel the need to address the issue, do so in private and do so in grace. Be respectful and share your thoughts in love.
Most of us have some issues we are more sensitive about than others. We have had an instance in our past where we have taken offense when none was intended. How we handle our offense can make the difference between a small misunderstanding among friends and a huge rift in a friendship.
JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication. Her Christian and humorous approach to communication skills has made her a sought after speaker. JoJo’s articles have appeared in various homeschool magazines and websites such as Dr. Laura.com. Her Say What You Mean curricula is endorsed by The Old Schoolhouse Magazine and her eBook, Say What You Mean When You’re in Business, has been used by direct sales leaders and small business owners alike. For more information, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com