Communication Articles

It’s Communication FUNdamentals Week

May 16, 2011 by Art of Eloquence

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It’s Humor Week (or rather Communication FUNdamentals Week) here at Communication FUNdamentals! That means all the funniest communication tips, articles, videos, quotes, pictures <—— (notice anything funny about that?) and other creative fun I can muster. Why? Well, because the blog’s called Communication FUNdamentals. That’s why! lol

My blog’s name reflects the humor with which I write all of my articles and communication studies for Art of Eloquence.com. I have always loved humor ever since I was a little tiny communicator and I patterned Art of Eloquence materials after The Great Communicator, Ronald Reagan, who used humor and his Christian faith to convey his messages.

I wrote a short article a long while ago in a galaxy far, far away that I have posted on the Articles Page of our website. It’s called “Humor: A Powerful Communication Tool.” So I’ll begin at the beginning with this article which starts off…

“In the olde days of kings who ruled with absolute power, only the court jester could safely tell the King the truth, mediated through humor. Anyone else who attempted to tell the Emperor he had no clothes was in danger of losing his head!

Humor is a valuable and effective tool for communicating just about anything because humor breaks down barriers. Carefully disguised as fun, humor can smuggle new ideas into people’s hearts.”

To read the rest of the article, click here.

Knowing how important humor is to effective communication and the study of communication, I’m going to share as many comical, creative and fun ways in which we use humor this week. I usually post only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, but check back each day this week for more Communication FUNdamentals.

Today’s insightful, creative giggle is in the form of a video. Victor Borge in Inflationary Language. What do you think about humor? Post your comments here and please pass along the blog link to others to share the giggles! Thanks.

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: Article, communication, humor, Inflationary Language, Subscribe Here!, victor borge, Video

HOW to Keep Silent

May 11, 2011 by Art of Eloquence

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Continuing with Sounds of Silence Week here on Communication FUNdamentals. Monday, I talked about when we need to keep silent. Today I’m going to talk about how we can actually accomplish this. It’s harder than you might think. Here are some tips to help you keep silent when you are tempted to open yer kisser…

* Imagine yourself in your listener’s place

* Ask yourself if you have all the facts

* Reflect back to see if there is any way you might be mistaken about someone’s intent to hurt you

* Is what you’re about to say godly?

* Is what you’re about to say constructive?

* Is what you’re about to say helpful?…to someone other than you?

* Is there anything you could be misinterpreting?

* Are you jumping to conclusions?

* Is the only purpose for your communication to show off?

* Will you be hurting anyone if you speak?

Silence is Golden. The sounds of silence are precious and can save a relationship. The act of silence isn’t as difficult to achieve as you might think if you just use some of these tips.

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Sounds of Silence Week

May 9, 2011 by Art of Eloquence

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Last week I shared about speaking up to praise and support and lift others up. This week, I’d like to share a bit on just the opposite: when to keep silent. Today I’m going to talk about when it’s best to keep silent and on Wednesday, I’ll talk about just how we can accomplish this.

The Lord tells us that there is a time to speak up and a time to keep silent: “A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;” -Ecclesiastes 3:7 When are those times?

* When you should be listening

* When you might hurt someone’s feelings

* When you might say something hurtful

* When you don’t have all the facts

* When you haven’t thought things through

* When you don’t really have anything to say

* When you are angry

* When you are hurt

* When you’re POSITIVE he meant that in the meanest possible way!

Remember the saying I posted a long while back, “You have the right to remain silent. Otherwise your words will be misinterpreted and used against you!” When are the times you’ve wished someone would have chosen to remain silent? Can you recall a time when you should have? Are you uncomfortable with pauses in a conversation?

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Filed Under: Ask JoJo, Communication Articles Tagged With: angry, facts, Feelings, hurful, hurt, Listening, positive, remain silent, right to remain silent, Silence, silent, sound of silence

Praise and Thank You

May 4, 2011 by Art of Eloquence

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Continuing with Praise Week here on Communication FUNdamentals! On Monday I shared about a recent study that was done on the need for praise in order to boost self-esteem. With so many people feeling overworked like this woman here, the need for praise is greater, but we no longer have as much free time to give it away to others. However, it’s important to praise and compliment-even if it is just to say thank you, but how do we do that effectively? This is an article I wrote a while back called…

The Power of Thank You!
By JoJo Tabares

Did you ever notice how little kids show appreciation? My son comes to me several times a day and says things like “I love you! You are the best mommy in the whole world!” The conviction of his words and the look on his face as he utters them are what touch my heart! That’s what true appreciation is.

Most of us teach our children to say thank you, but few of us really understand its power. Showing appreciation is not only etiquette, but it is a responsibility especially during the holidays.

I was privileged to have been in the audience when Florence Littauer was speaking on “Silver Boxes”. It’s what she calls her philosophy on appreciation and edification. She quotes Ephesians 4:29. “Do not let any
unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” She says that words are like a gift we give others that come in little silver boxes with bows on top. This is how we should show proper appreciation.

Many of us remember to say thank you when we get a gift, but often forget to show others appreciation for the things they do for us on a daily basis. And just how much appreciation does our “Thank You” show?

“Gee thanks” isn’t much of a Thank You. “Gee thanks” is what is interpreted when you say…”Thanks for the gift Aunt Millie!” or even “I love it!” Even if your voice is excited and your face lights up when you say it, it
can be empty. Why? Because in order for Aunt Millie to feel appreciated, she has to know what exactly you appreciate: The thought behind it? Money she spent? Time it took? Trouble she went to? And what exactly did you like about the gift: The features? The time it will save you?

A proper thank you is one in which you show as much time and trouble to give thanks as the person did in choosing your gift. Consider this: “Oh Aunt Millie! This is so generous of you! I can hardly believe it! This is a beautiful sweater and just the perfect color to go with the dress I was going to wear for my interview! Oh it feels so soft and I just love how it fits!” How much more appreciated does Aunt Millie feel now? Notice you haven’t even said the words “thank you”. It isn’t the words you speak; it’s the message it conveys that is important.

And how often should you thank Aunt Millie for this sweater? MORE THAN ONCE! I make it a point to wear my gift when I go visit the giver, call them on the phone when I am using it again, mention how I used it the other day and what a pleasure it was that I had it! NOW how appreciated does Aunt Millie feel?

What about all the thank yous that go unsaid to the people in our lives who do little things for us day after day? How many of us thank our mothers for raising us or our fathers for working so hard all those years we were growing up-not just on Mother’s and Father’s Day and not just a card or gift. How many of us have told our parents exactly what they did that we appreciate? Details! A Mother’s Day card once a year is an obligation. A letter or conversation regaling them with the details of what you appreciated about them over the years is true appreciation!

Is appreciation limited to our family? Many of us never thank our friends or associates for what they mean to us or do for us each day. How many of us belong to online communities? How many times have you emailed the owner of the list or site to thank them for all the behind the scenes work they do every day that allows you to participate, fellowship and learn?

Take your appreciation public. How much more appreciated do you think Annie would feel if you posted a public message of appreciation for all her hard work behind the scenes at your favorite Yahoo group?:

“I want to thank Annie for all the wonderful articles she posts each week! I have really learned a lot and I have used many of these articles as homeschool lessons for my children. Annie must work so hard to create all these fun activities and I want to thank her for donating her time and all the prizes and certificates she has given away over the years! This group has been such a blessing to me and I have had so much fun as a member. Thanks Annie!”

A little thank you goes a long way! If Annie was feeling a little frustrated by the time the group takes to maintain, I bet she has renewed vitality after your post! On the job, employers can get more out of their employees by showing them a little appreciation now and again. You can create a closer relationship with your family and friends by showing them how much you appreciate what they do for you.

Give the gift of true appreciation. The most appreciated gift is appreciation. It’s free to give and priceless
to get! Thank you for reading along with my thoughts today!

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: Article, power, praise, self esteem, study, thank you

Agree to Disagree

April 27, 2011 by Art of Eloquence

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Today is the last day of Grace Month. All this month I’ve been sharing from my article, “10 Quick Ways to Disagree in Grace. Number ten is used when all else fails. If you can’t agree, you must disagree…in grace!

10. Agree to Disagree
Tis better to agree to disagree and live to discuss another day than to fight for your right to be a pest! Sometimes people are not ready to hear or accept what you have to say. Sometimes you are only one in a long line of people the Lord will use to share Jesus with this person. Share and discuss in love and grace and then let it go.

Yesterday we talked about not arguing when we disagree and the reason for that is so that we can live to agree that we just disagree. It is a communication myth that an effective communicator can get anyone to agree to anything. Even The Great Communicator, Ronald Reagan, wasn’t able to convert everyone to his politics. There are going to be those of us who disagree on fundamental principles such as religion and politics. In fact, good men can disagree on many things.

If at first you don’t succeed, it might be best to agree to disagree rather than trying and trying again.

I pray these tips have helped you some, but if you would like to learn more about conflicts and how to avoid, reduce or resolve them, check out our latest Art of Eloquence communication study on conflicts!

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Speaking in Grace does not include arguing. No…REALLY!

April 25, 2011 by Art of Eloquence

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It’s Grace Month here at Communication FUNdamentals and we’re up to number nine in my article 10 Quick Rules for Disagreeing in Grace. I pray these have been a great blessing and, if you know someone who might benefit from them, please pass the blog links along! Without further adieu I give you another ah…don’t!

9. Don’t Argue
Art of Eloquence created a puzzle download with a very powerful saying on it. “Don’t argue with a fool. Someone watching might not be able to tell the difference” -Author Unknown Arguing only inflames the other party and renders them incapable of really listening to what you have to say. Arguing never persuades anyone and if it does, they certainly would never admit it!

Arguing very rarely wins friends or influences people. It doesn’t even register on the “Convictor Scale.” So why do so many do it? Well, simply put, it’s because human beings get frustrated and, when frustrated, we tend to do things that resemble the definition of insanity. You know, saying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result…from our listener.

It’s human nature to repeat ourselves when we are faced with listener confusion mostly because we don’t know any other way to put it any other way. lol However, repeating the same words doesn’t clarify things with said listener, it only frustrates our listener at which time he frustrates us by not understanding and repeating HIMself. And as the Breck commercial said, “And so on and so on and so on…”

At this point, instead of clarifying we often find that what results is an argument. Now if you think it was frustrating before, you’ll experience new heights, or should I say depths, when this comes to argument!

And once an argument starts, it’s human nature to grow the argument. It’s difficult to work our way out of an argument even more so than it is to work ourselves out of the repetition that started it all.

What do we do? Well, my newest study, Say What You Mean: Avoiding, Reducing and Resolving Conflicts goes into this in great detail, but I can tell you that conflict can be resolved by breaking this pattern. Depending upon the situation, you can either drop the issue or admit you are having a hard time explaining it. Work through it or work around it, but whatever you do, DON’T continue to argue!

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: argue, arguing, arguing fools, conflicts, fool, human nature, insanity, listener, repetition, result

I dunno or Let it Go

April 20, 2011 by Art of Eloquence

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We’re getting near the end of Grace Month. Just a few more posts to go and then I’ll have a seminar on Grace and Godly Communication with even more information on this topic and a chance for you to get involved in the discussion and share your thoughts and experiences on the topic.

Today I’d like to share with you two more excerpts from my article, 10 Quick Ways to Disagree in Grace. These two sound kind of like no brainers, but you’d be amazed at how little they are used!

7. Say “I Dunno”
When you don’t know the answer someone needs, the most intelligent thing to say is “I dunno.” The quickest way to lose credibility with someone is to speak too quickly. If someone asks you something about the Bible and you can’t remember where the scripture is, tell them you will find it for them. People appreciate honesty!

There is a social stigma today whereby people think they must know everything about everything or they risk looking stupid. So there is often an urge to fill in one’s knowledge with, shall we say, assumed truths. Made up facts or opinions disguised as facts are commonplace especially in business. Many Christians feel that they cannot effectively share their faith if they don’t have all the answers. This is part of the reason I wrote Say What You Mean: Defending the Faith. It helps answer the issues the unbeliever has about God. Not knowing all the answers keeps Christians from sharing and also gives us temptation to fill in our pregnant pauses with something that passes for knowledge.

If you feel the Lord leading you to speak out on a particular topic, by all means become educated on it! However, there is nothing wrong with admitting you don’t know something. In fact, it can be quite endearing and refreshing.

8. Let it Go
In order to avoid an argument, when they are no longer listening, stop talking! As soon as someone is giving off signals that they are not accepting your views, it’s usually best not to press the issue and begin an argument.

Now I’m not talking about not sharing your ideas or backing off a discussion just because someone disagrees with you. I’m talking about not pushing things beyond where you will do no good. You can usually tell when someone’s had enough and is no longer listening to you. No matter how sweetly you say it, they aren’t listening and so it’s rather redundant to keep talking. Along the same line is when someone is annoyed because the speaker has been pushy. Either way, the listener, isn’t. You can do more harm than good by continuing on at this time. It’s better to let it go and live to discuss another day.

This tip applies to sharing your faith as well as any other topic. Being right isn’t a synonym for being effective. If you watch a lot of police shows, it may make more sense this way, “It doesn’t matter if he’s guity; it only matters what I can prove.” In order to prove our point, we need to put it in a way that is grace-filled in order that the hearer is truly listening. Nothing says “I’m not listening anymore” quite like the face you see when someone is pushing an idea past the point of civility.

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: being right, Defending the Faith, disagree in grace, discussion, effective, faith, godly communication, grace, let it go, month, seminar

Give Grace A Chance

April 18, 2011 by Art of Eloquence

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After reading my title, I have that song stuck in my head now, don’t you? “Just Give Grace a Chance…” Continuing Grace Month with excerpts from my article, “10 Quick Ways to Disagree in Grace” we come to numbers five and six. I pray these tips have been a blessing to you and I would ask that you please pass along the link to my blog posts as there are so many Christians struggling to find comfortable or more effective ways in which to disagree.

Sometimes Christians find that they may disagree with other Christians over doctrine or how they interpret scripture. I have seen Christians lash out at a sister or brother in Christ and I have seen others stand idly by in fear of what their response would bring. This is a HUGE topic that I actually address in several of my communication studies, but I want to address a portion of this here today: new Christians.

“5. Give new Christians a Chance
Before I ever came to accept Jesus, I didn’t know His Word. I cannot accept what I do not know. I had to spend time reading the Bible before I could grow in my faith. The closer I grew to the Lord, the more I wanted to live my life for Him. I didn’t start off witnessing. It wasn’t until later that I decided not to participate in things like Santa and the Easter Bunny. Be sure not to stumble a fairly new Christian because he is not yet ready or willing to make a change.”

We don’t want to stumble a new believer before he has an opportunity to walk with the Lord. It’s so important that we discuss things and not argue the point. Most new believers will need time to sit with an idea before they can really understand it. Most people have the same issue with almost any new idea. Nobody wants to be told they are doing things wrong, but often we do need to hear it. It’s so much easier to share what we believe than to accuse or badger. This allows us the freedom to speak. It’s also much easier for the recipient to hear us discuss our different belief. This allows the other person the freedom to listen and understand.

Another issue we face with gracious disagreement, is when we notice the other party isn’t “buying it.” LOL As we attempt to discuss issues, we may notice that the other person isn’t accepting our facts.

“6. Address their Concerns
If they ask you a question, by all means answer! Sometimes people may not come out and ask, but you can tell they have a concern by their body language or their facial expression. If they object, by all means address it. Calmly share what you know about their concerns.”

Some will come out and ask you how you know X to be true. Others will squinch up their faces or shake their heads from side to side. This is a red flag clue that something needs to be addressed. Do so. Remember, that addressing their concerns doesn’t mean telling them the are WRONG or getting them to agree you are RIGHT. It simply means that we should graciously attempt to clarify why they are having trouble with our idea and see if we can discuss it further. Along the way, the other party might learn you are right or YOU might learn something about the other person that will allow you to explain your position more effectively.

I’ll be back on Wednesday with some more tips on disagreeing in grace. Check out our newsletter subscription below. We will have a free gift coming out tomorrow for all subscribers. It’s an activity book that helps parents and kids discuss what Jesus did for us.

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Disagreeing in Grace 3&4

April 13, 2011 by Art of Eloquence

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On Monday we discussed the first two rules of disagreeing in grace. Rules three and four involve being calm and concentrating on the issues rather than the person’s character.

3. Be Calm
The best way to share your views with anyone is in a calm and rational manner. The more passionate you are about a topic, the harder that will be. When you give a speech, being passionate about it is beneficial, but when you are trying to change someone’s mind or heart, it is a deterrent. Nobody wants to be forced into accepting something. They want to come to their own conclusions after hearing all the facts.

Ignatz is trying to get Igor into a business deal and he’s not going to take no for an answer. So he raises his voice, digs in and badgers poor Igor for what seems an interminable length of time. Even though the idea seems to have merit, Igor is suspicious because Ignatz is so insistent. He feels as though there must be an ulterior motive or a hidden disadvantage if Ignatz is pushing so hard.

If Ignatz had just come to him and calmly stated the value and benefits of the deal, he would have been inclined to agree right away. As it happened, he was so suspicious that he waited too long and the deal was no longer an option.

4. Don’t Condemn the Person; Question the Issues
Remember always that the Lord loves His children. It’s the sin He hates. Keep in mind that people are not machines. We don’t switch our sin on and off. Ask questions. Share. Condemn the action if you must, but never condemn the person that Jesus loves!

Ivan and Mabel were discussing politics when Ivan was so disgusted with her inability to prove her point that he called her an ignorant fool and proceeded to question everything from her honesty to her sanity. It wasn’t long before Mabel was no longer listening, dug in her heels and declared her allegiance to the other viewpoint even though she secretly began to feel he had made a few good points.

If Ivan had only stuck to the issues instead of attacking her personally, they may have been able to have a civil discussion.

Remaining calm and sticking to the issues in question will help you appear to be fair minded and intelligent while allowing the other person to thoughtfully consider your position, even if they don’t adopt it.

This YouTube video is of Tim Keller talking about how society now discusses faith. It illustrates what I’ve shared for years about communication and sharing our faith: it takes grace and respect.

Come back next week when I’ll share more from “10 Quick Rules for Disagreeing in Grace!”

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: calm, condemn, disagreeing, grace, honesty, intellingence, issues, Jesus, political, politics, rules

Disagreeing in Grace Rules 1&2

April 11, 2011 by Art of Eloquence

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Continuing with Grace Month this week, I’m going to share a few excerpts from my article, “Ten Quick Rules for Disagreeing in Grace” and examine them each a bit closer.

1. Don’t Accuse
Instead of coming out and saying someone is wrong, just share what you know. Nobody wants to hear they are wrong and if they hear it, they are likely not listening to anything else you say. They may indeed be wrong, but you need to ask yourself if you want to be right or if you want to be heard!

Mildred told Agatha she’d been to Geraldine’s house yesterday and saw her new Labrador puppy. Agatha just saw Geraldine this morning and blurts out, “It’s NOT a Lab, Mildred! It’s a Lab/Shepard mix!” Now doesn’t Mildred feel great? She’s been corrected by the Dog Police! Instead of feeling like she’s received some new information about Geraldine, Mildred now wonders when Agatha will demand the $20 fine!

What if Agatha had simply told what she knew? “Oh isn’t he a pretty pup? He sure does look like a Lab, but Geraldine told me he’s actually a Lab/Shepard mix.” Now they could continue the conversation and remain friends.

2. Listening Without Interrupting
It doesn’t look like you are anxious to share your views if you interrupt. To them, it feels like you aren’t giving due attention to their arguments. If you are not willing to listen to others, they will not be willing to listen to you!

Fred is trying to tell Dennis about his new home, but Dennis is constantly interrupting to correct his square footage and assessment of the neighborhood. Talking to Dennis is like swimming upstream and Fred is getting mighty tired of trying to finish his story. After a while, Fred just stops trying and Dennis is free to disagree with Fred’s purchase unimpeded because Fred has left the building!

It’s not necessary to agree with your friends, but it’s a good idea to allow them to make their point before you nitpick them to pieces. If Dennis had allowed Fred to finish his story and then put his different opinion this way, they might have had a better chance to remain on friendly terms. “I thought all of those homes were smaller than that.” and perhaps, “My wife and I prefer a more rural area.”

It isn’t necessary to discredit the person to disagree with them, it’s only necessary to state what you believe and why. I’ll share more tips for disagreeing in grace on Wednesday.

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: accuse, excerpts, grace, grace month, interrupting, Listening, month, rules for disagreeing, ten rules

It’s Communication FUNdamentals Week

HOW to Keep Silent

Sounds of Silence Week

Praise and Thank You

Agree to Disagree

Speaking in Grace does not include arguing. No…REALLY!

I dunno or Let it Go

Give Grace A Chance

Disagreeing in Grace 3&4

Disagreeing in Grace Rules 1&2

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