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Friday Funnies: Silly Questions Lawyers Ask

January 27, 2012 By 2 Comments

This week, we’ve been talking about listening and communicating with the world (people of different languages and cultures).  It is fitting, then, that we have a Friday Funny that illustrates the humor in not listening to YOURSELF as you ask questions that may be interpreted in odd ways by those of different people.  Pastor Tim of Cybersalt.org has some great funnies.  Here are a few from his latest contribution to Crosswalk.com.  To read more of his humor, click the link following the excerpt.

Lawyer Laughs
The following questions from lawyers were taken from official records nationwide:

1. Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

4. Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

5. The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

6. Were you alone or by yourself?

14. So you were gone until you returned?

15. Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None Q: Were there girls?

17. Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

 

*Check out more on:  http://www.cybersalt.org/entertainment

 

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Baba Yetu-The Lord’s Prayer in Swahili

January 25, 2012 By 2 Comments

This week’s word is prayer.  Prayer is communication with God.  The language of prayer is written by the heart of man.  In prayer we hear the Word of God speak to us, but only if we listen, which was the topic I chose to write about on Monday.

I recently came across an article about World Communications Day, which began in 1963.  It is the only worldwide celebration called for by the Second Vatican Council and is celebrated in most countries, on the recommendation of the bishops of the world, on the Sunday before Pentecost.  It will be celebrated this year on May 20th.  However, the article went on to say, “The Holy Father’s message for World Communications Day is traditionally published in conjunction with the Memorial of St. Francis de Sales, patron of writers (January 24), to allow bishops’ conferences and diocesan offices sufficient time to prepare audiovisual and other materials for national and local celebrations.”

God’s people speak many languages today so, whatever the theme of this year’s World Communications Day, I thought how wonderful it would be to aknowledge the various languages of the world as they praise the Lord!  This is a video that my daughter introduced me to.  It’s called, Baba Yetu, “Our Father” in Swahili and is actually The Lord’s Prayer in Swahili.  The music is incredibly rich, the rhythm is divine, the photographs are breathtaking and the harmony is heavenly.  Turn it up, sing along with the words and praise the Lord!

I’d like to revisit this theme during Resurrection Week and post a series of YouTube videos of people praising God or reciting the Lord’s Prayer in as many languages as I can find.  And I’d like YOUR HELP to do it.  During Resurrection Week on the Art of Eloquence Facebook Fan page, I’ll be posting the ones I have found.  I’d like my blog readers and fan page members to post any links YOU find that will help us celebrate during Resurrection Week.  You can post them as a comment here or on our fan page.  Thanks for your help!  I can’t wait to see all the videos. I have a few in mind already and I pray that, in addition to the beautiful time of worship, it will be a time of education about communication in other cultuers as they praise the Lord.

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Nine Ways to Listen

January 23, 2012 By 10 Comments

Nine Ways to Listen
By JoJo Tabares

Listening is the most important communication skill.  It’s rule #1 in JoJo’s Communication Handbook.   Listening is so important because it allows us to understand our audience which aids us in tailoring our message to them.  Listening helps us know when someone has misunderstood us, is angry with us, or is confused.  Listening to others is a gift we give them as they have a chance to communicate what is important to them.

People have asked me HOW?  How do we listen, really listen to others?  What do we listen for?  Listening may sound easy, but it’s actually a very complicated skill and it’s essential for ANY relationship.  It could be an entire book because listening is more than just hearing the words and paying attention to someone as they speak.  I don’t have time to discuss all the nuances of listening in this blog post, but here are nine ways to listen that will help you build closer relationships with friends, family and coworkers.

1. Words

The first thing we need to listen for are the words.  A speaker’s word choice tells us something about where they are coming from in a conversation.  Did Patty just say she despised eggplant?  That’s a much stronger form of vegetable discrimination than if she had said she didn’t like them.

What words could Patty have used?  What does her word choice say about Patty, about eggplant, about the conditions in which she was eating them?

2. Connotation

What connotation is attached to the words Patty used?  If Patty says her grandmother is senile, her grandmother’s condition may be more of a clinical description than if she had said she was forgetful.  It may warrant a concerned question as to her grandmother’s health. In fact, Patty may be waiting for you to care enough to ask so she can talk about her feelings she’s kept bottled up.

3. Omitted Words

You can tell a great deal about someone by listening to the words they use, but also by the words they don’t use.  What words did Patty omit from her conversation about her grandmother?  If you listen closely (called active listening), you may have noticed that Patty described all the symptoms of Alzheimer’s without ever saying the word.  It may mean that Patty is so afraid for her grandmother that she can’t even bring herself to utter the word.  Sometimes a big hug is in order for people under such stress.  Clues like these can help us find what our friends need in times of great distress.

4. Tone of Voice

If you noticed that Patty had a note of sarcasm in her voice when she said her grandmother was senile, you could infer that she was simply making a joke.  Understanding which comments are meant to be humorous and which ones are not, can be the difference between a close friendship and a conflict.

5. Body Language

As Patty describes her grandmother’s sweet nature and her feelings the last time she saw her, you may notice her body language is focused inward.  Patty may not have said anything at all that would indicate that her grandmother is ill, but you may be able to gain an understanding that Patty is in pain about something her grandmother is currently experiencing.  Simply asking how she is might give Patty the opening she longs for to discuss her pain with a good friend.

6. Gestures

Similarly, gestures can give you the same kind of information.  If Patty’s body isn’t slumped over, perhaps she is wringing her hands or fiddling with her dress.  These may be an indication that she is stressed and in need of a good friend’s shoulder.

7. Pauses

Sometimes when people are upset about something, they pause in the middle of a statement due to stress, because they don’t know how to say what they need or want to or because they are about to reveal something they don’t want to. All of those things can give you clues into how Patty is feeling or what she might be trying (or trying NOT) to say.

8. World View

Sometimes we can discern someone’s view on a particular topic by the words or examples they use.  This can be a tremendous help in tailoring our message or our comfort to their needs.  For example, if Patty uses the word “institution” while discussing  where her grandmother may need to go, she may have a dim view of all locations that help the elderly cope with health issues.  On the other hand, it may be just the view she holds of this facility.  That might be important if you hope to help Patty discuss her feelings and help her decide what options she and her grandmother have.

9. Eye Contact

The eyes are the windows to the soul.  You can tell a great deal about a person or situation in which someone either makes or avoids eye contact.  If Patty is avoiding eye contact with you as she is talking about her grandmother, she may be feeling afriad of what you might think of her for considering putting her grandmother in an institution.  If her brother avoids making eye contact as he is discussing grandma’s jewels that are currently missing from the house, he might be trying to hide the fact that he took them.

These are some of the things you need to pay attention to, listen for, as you communicate with others so you are able to discern more from your conversation.  This will allow you further understanding and insight in order that you may be of more help and support to those you are with.  As I said, how you do that can be a little complicated. If you’d like to learn more about how to be a good listener, I share these lessons in depth (and for various situations) in several of my studies including: Know Your Audience, Say What You Mean: Defending the Faith, Say What You Mean: Avoiding, Reducing and Resolving Conflicts, Say What You Mean: Overcoming Social Anxiety.  If you click on the links and scroll to the bottom of each product page, you’ll find a free sample lesson you can download.

 

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

 

 

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FUN with Insomnia Video

January 20, 2012 By 7 Comments

Art of Eloquence will have all new Communication FUNdamentals in 2012!  We started off the year with a brand new series of Art of Eloquence monthly seminars where I shared 16 Communication Myths and Phobias that will hurt your relationships!  If you missed it live, just click on the title and listen to the 20 minute audio.

Another free monthly feature we’ve added for 2012 is our new video series!  Some will be based on my JoJoisms, some will be videos of me sharing some communication tips or ideas, some will be other creative videos, but this month we started with…

A Visual JoJoisms Short Film Using Communication FUNdamentals.  The more creative and fun our communication is, the more memorable and effective we are at getting our message across.  I’ve had insomnia for many years. For those of you who don’t have insonmia, this is how it feels.  For those of you who do, share it with your friends and family so they will understand.  And…have a giggle on me!

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What is Communication?

January 18, 2012 By 9 Comments

Communication is a word you’ve probably heard since you were young, but I’ll bet you can’t define it.  Some people think communication is talking, conversation, making a speech or persuading someone of something.  Others think it’s manners, etiquette or social graces.

Merriam Webster defines communication as “an act or instance of transmitting,” “information transmitted or conveyed,” “a verbal or written message,” “exchange of information,” “personal rapport,” or their most comprehensive definition, “a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior.”

Wikipedia has one of the most complete definitions of communication I have ever seen:

“Communication is the activity of conveying information. Communication has been derived from the Latin word “communis”, meaning to share. Communication requires a sender, a message, and an intended recipient, although the receiver need not be present or aware of the sender’s intent to communicate at the time of communication; thus communication can occur across vast distances in time and space. Communication requires that the communicating parties share an area of communicative commonality. The communication process is complete once the receiver has understood the message of the sender.“

I know I was subtle by putting it in bold, purple letters, but didja catch that last part?  I’d go one step further.  Effective communication is complete when the receiver has understood the message of the sender, the way in which the sender had intended!

True communication, effective communication requires that the listener understands the sender’s message in the spirit it was intended or the message is skewed, misunderstood and the relationship between the sender and receiver has changed or is damaged in some way.

Everyone talks, but not everyone truly communicates.  Everyone gets a message across, but not everyone has the ability to relate his message so effectively that his listener understands his message as it was intended.   Anyone can lecture, but not everyone can truly teach, enlighten.  Manners will only get you so far in a relationship.  A speech will not endear you to your neighbor.  A presentation will not help you resolve a conflict with your brother.  Social graces will not persuade a nation to elect the right candidate.  Etiquette cannot help you share your faith.  And the communication skills required for each of these activities are different.

Everyone learns to talk.  Very few learn to communicate effectively.  It isn’t because it’s a set of skills only important for lawyers and politicians.  It’s because society fully understands when communication is done badly, but does not understand that the reason behind the conflicts, divorce, lost job opportunities, and failed businesses is most often an inability to effectively express the vision.

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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Don’t Shoot the Messenger

January 16, 2012 By 7 Comments
Don’t Shoot the Messenger
By JoJo Tabares

I see it time and time again-people frustrated with friends or family who “just don’t understand” them.  They ask why, but when they are told it’s because they weren’t clear or sounded harsh, they don’t want to hear that.  They want to hear that it’s the other person’s fault.  I’ve even had people send me a message asking, no, PLEADING with me to help them because they don’t understand why they are always misunderstood.  I tell them.  I share it in the most gracious way, but they don’t want to hear that they need to change.  They want the other person to have to change.

Remember the man who asked Jesus what he must do to be saved?  Jesus tells him to give up all he has and follow Him.  The man doesn’t want to hear that.  He walks away sadly.  I’m sure Jesus was sad too.

When we have a problem, we often tell a close friend.  We want that friend to say, “It’s okay.  The other person just isn’t listening.  They are the problem not you.”  We don’t want to admit that we could be PART of the problem or even CAUSING the problem.  We don’t want to hear that we need to change.  We don’t like change.  We just want things to change.

Well, I ‘m here to tell you the sad news.  Things will likely not change unless we do.  We have to change in order to make changes in our situation.  I wish I could tell you that there was some magic pill we could take that would change the world in such a way that we could remain the same and things all around us would change.  Our finances would be better, our health would improve…our friend would understand us.  Unfortunately, that’s not how things work.

Just like we cannot become healthy if we don’t change our eating or exercise habits, we cannot improve our relationships without making a change.  Relationships are all about communication and, if you are constantly being misunderstood, you need to face the fact that it might be, at least in part, something YOU need to change.

If you have had trouble getting your point across, if you have been told you are too harsh or too timid, if you have been misunderstood, if you have had conflicts with others, don’t wait for THEM to change!  Don’t shoot the messenger; change yourself!  If you don’t know how, Art of Eloquence can help.

 

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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Limes

January 13, 2012 By

It’s time again for Friday Funnies and this week I have a game to play with these limes.  If you look closely, you may notice something that is amiss in this picture.  What is it?  What’s wrong with this picture?

engrish funny - You sir, are a dirty liar.

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5 Reasons Why the Silent Treatment Doesn’t Work

January 11, 2012 By

This week’s word is really a term: Silent Treatment.  This is a term (and a technique) used when someone has “done you wrong” and you pay them back by refusing to speak to them.  I recently saw a commercial for some silly show or other where the gal claimed the silent treatment was not effective because men like it!  She said if you really wanted to get your husband mad, you don’t give them the silent treatment; you continue to talk to him!  lol

Well, this got me thinking about how effective the silent treatment really is in every day, real life.  And you know what?  It isn’t!  Why?  I’ll give you five reasons:

1. They may rather like it!

As this woman stated, many people who are angry with you might actually LOVE it if you didn’t talk to them anymore!

2. They may not notice.

If they aren’t smiling because they are happy you’re not talking to them, they may simply have not noticed!

3. It’s hard to keep it up.

Even if they did notice and were upset by it, you can’t possibly keep it up for any length of time.  That is, if you have any sort of regular interaction with this person.

4. It doesn’t deal with the problem.

Not talking to someone may mean you don’t have to acknowledge them, but it may not mean you won’t be upset by them again.  They may continue to do the very thing you are angry about (over and over again) because you haven’t solved the problem, you’ve only stopped communicating–on YOUR end.

5. Where do you go from there?

So where does that leave you and your spouse, anyway?  Or you and your best friend?  Since it didn’t solve the problem, where do you go from here?  How can you get past an issue you don’t deal with?

The silent treatment may be a short term way for you to vent your frustrations.  And then, again, maybe it doesn’t even afford you that much! But what it will not do is solve the problem you have with that other person.  The silent treatment doesn’t solve a thing and can cause even more frustration and damage to your relationship.  My recommendation is to learn to deal with conflict.  Check out our sample lesson from Say What You Mean: Avoiding, Reducing and Resolving Conflicts at the bottom of this page and enable more blessings in your relationships in 2012.

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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How to Contact Someone

January 9, 2012 By

How to Contact Someone

By JoJo Tabares

 

This issue came up the other day and I thought it would make a good post.  I have written on this before, but it wasn’t the focus of the article and I can’t seem to find it amongst the many I’ve written (that have yet to be posted on the AOE website) anyway.  Lol

If you have ever had a situation come up in which you wanted to contact someone to address an issue, find out more information or thank them for all their hard work on something, you may have run into trouble obtaining an email address.  It is surprisingly easy in the Information Age and here are a few suggestions:

1. Website Contact Page

If the person is a business owner, Google their business name to find their website.  Most websites have a Contact Us page that will either list their email address or supply a form where you can email them directly from the website.

2. Facebook Private Message

If you are both on Facebook, but do not have the person’s email address, you can simply send them a private message through Facebook.  You usually don’t have to be friends with someone on Facebook in order to send them a private message.

3. Facebook Fan Page:

If you need to contact the owner of a Facebook fan page privately, the best way to do that is to look on the Info tab of the fan page to find if an email address is listed there.  If not, usually the website is listed and, as I talked about previously, you’ll probably find their email address on the Contact Us page.  If no website is listed, you might try to see if the fan page lists the Page Owners down on the bottom left.  Then, as I talked about in the previous point, you can go to their personal Facebook wall and contact them through a Facebook private message.

4. Twitter Message

If you are both on Twitter, you can send them a Direct Message.  I’m pretty sure you need to be followed by that person in order to send them a DM, but you might give it at try.  It may be a matter of settings.  I’m not as familiar with Twitter as I am with Facebook.

5.  Yahoo Groups

If you know each other from a Yahoo Group, you can find the person’s email by looking at their group post.  Usually, the sender’s email address is listed somewhere on the post.  Depending upon the group settings, if you don’t see it, you may be able to click “reply” and then it will become visible.

6. Google their Name

If you don’t have any connection to them through a group or other social media, you can Google their name and see what information pops up.  Remember that there may be several people with the same name so you’ll want to look for information that will help you identify that person before you attempt to contact them.

There are so many options available to us these days.  The information you need may only be a few keyboard strokes away.

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

 

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What’s Wrong with this Picture?

January 6, 2012 By

It’s Friday Funnies again here at Communication FUNdamentals, Art of Eloquence.com’s blog.  What’s wrong with this picture?  How long did it take you to find it?
epic fail - Readnig Is Ipmortant FAIL
see more epicfails

I must admit, I had to look at this at least twice to see it.  How about you?

What’s wrong with this picture?  Leave your guess as a comment here.

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