Don’t let social anxiety control your life (or your child’s) any longer!

Shyness promo2Do you avoid potentially enjoyable or even profitable situations because you’re uncomfortable relating to people?  Does your child feel self-conscious, left out or lonely?  Do social events scare or intimidate you?  Does your heart ache for your child who dreads school events or parties? 

Does this sound like you or a loved one?  You’re not alone.  Polls indicate that 40% of people consider themselves shy, but I have great news.  You may not be shy at all!

Everyone has something to say, something that only they can share, something others really need to hear. Don’t let shyness keep you from it!

 

Most people believe that you are born shy and there is nothing you can do about it.  HOGWASH! 

And I’m living proof.  I was a painfully shy young girl and remained so up until my late teens.  In fact, I used to hope the person waving was directing it toward the person behind me so I wouldn’t have to wave back!  THAT’s how shy I was!!

It took me many painful YEARS to overcome my shyness. I once thought it was part of my personality and that I was destined to be shy and lonely for the rest of my life. I was wrong!  Shyness is usually just anxiety brought on by a lack of effective communication skills in social situations.  Once I learned these vital skills, I found I wasn’t shy at all!  And you’re probably not either!  You’ll understand more when you read my testimony in this ebook.

Say What You Mean: Overcoming Social Anxiety takes you through my painful struggle and teaches you to overcome your social anxiety in a fraction of the time.  Even better, it allows you to do so in a fun and creative way.  Yes, this eBook will not only give you the tools to become more comfortable in social situations, but it will take you through mastery and on to excellence!

 

What you or your child will learn in Say What You Mean: Overcoming Social Anxiety:

* Seven Habits of Highly Successful Communicators

* Six Simple Steps to Conversational Self-Confidence

* Preparing to be a Great Conversationalist

* How to Start a Conversation

* Learning from Six Bad Conversationalists

* Creative Ways to Practice

* How to Meet and Greet

*Ten Quick Rules for Disagreeing in Grace

* What to Do for Your Shy Child

And MUCH, MUCH MORE!

 

Testimonials:

"Thank you, JoJo. I learned a LOT, thank you, thank you, thank you!  
I’m a huge fan and have almost all your books, but this seminar gave me 
tons to think about." -Shannon R.
"7 Ways to Help Your Child Overcome Shyness was a superb presentation!... 
The webinar was a big help. It was so much more than tips. JoJo tells 
you exactly what to say to help your shy child overcome. She also tells 
you why your shy child feels the way he/she does and what you can do to 
help."-Carla I.

 

Incredible One Time Offer Just for my Facebook fans and friends!

On Tuesday, May 19th, and for ONE DAY ONLY, This powerful eBook will be available for my Facebook fans and friends for ONLY $10!  Just order on that day using voucher code: 101010 and it will automatically slash the price to JUST $10!

 

Why are we doing this?

My husband lost his job almost 3 months ago and our daughter’s wedding is coming up in just a few weeks. BUT: Our need FILLS YOUR NEED!  So take advantage of it while it’s available!

 

Bonus for ordering during this incredible promotion:

Notes from my seminar: 7 Ways to Help Your Child Overcome Shyness–That product is worth the $20 right there!  Here is the promotional video from that seminar!

What You Will Learn in these slide show notes alone:

1. Seventeen things parents should do to help their child overcome shyness

2. Seven things parent’s shouldn’t do because it either doesn’t work or reinforces their child’s shyness

3. Seven ways parents can help their children change their thinking about shyness

4. Six things parents can do to change their child’s shy behavior

5. Seven things parents can do to change their child’s shy vocabulary

6. Eight things parents can teach their shy child to say that will help them overcome shyness

7. Seven things parents can teach their shy child to do that will help them practice the skills necessary to overcome their shyness

After your place your order for Say What You Mean: Overcoming Social Anxiety, forward your confirmation email to JoJo ( jojo@artofeloquence.com )  and ask to receive 7 Ways to Help Your Child Overcome Shyness for free and we’ll email it to you!

 

Don’t let social anxiety control your (or your child’s) life any longer!  Get Say What You Mean: Overcoming Social Anxiety AND, my bonus gift to you, 7 Ways to Help Your Child Overcome Shyness (a $49.95 value) for ONLY $10 on May 19th!  

 

What is $10 as compared to breaking free from shyness that has a hold over your life or the life of your child?  Order May 19th!

 

Remember, this incredible offer is good on May 19th ONLY!  So….Order Say What You Mean: Overcoming Social Anxiety!

 

 

 

*Art of Eloquence homeschool Curricula was chosen “Homeschool Approved” and is ENDORSED by The Old Schoolhouse Magazine and recommended by HSLDA!

 

 

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Today is Be An Angel Day

Today is Be An Angel Day and the perfect time to talk about grace.  Here’s a short article I wrote a while back.  We can be an angel to those we meet by following this advice today and always.

Let Your Speech Be Always With Grace

Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.” Colossians 4:6

God knows the heart of every man and in that heart is a different way of looking at the world. We may not always be able to see things as others do, but we have one powerful verse that tells us what we can do to be effective when we communicate with every man. God tells us to let our speech be always with grace. Giving grace allows us to forgive and forget a wrong, a word spoken in haste, a misunderstanding, a poor choice of words on someone else’s part.

How many times have we said (or wanted to say) something harsh to someone because we thought they “done us wrong” only later to find out it was a misunderstanding on our part? Weren’t you glad you didn’t? Or didn’t you wish you had shown them grace?

The Lord tells us that our communication default mode should be grace. Grace-filled communication allows us to share our hearts with other hearts that we don’t totally understand. Being gracious, even when we don’t feel it is justified, allows us to reach out, to lift up, to support, to share our hearts, to educate, to inform and to save face.

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How to Handle a Discouraging Word

Last week I wrote part one of A Discouraging Word.  This week, I’d like to share how we might more effectively handle those who have a discouraging word for us.

1. Smile and wave boys, just smile and wave

This is a line from the penguins of Madagascar my son loves to watch, but it is also a great way to handle those who have an occasional discouraging word.  If Ursula Uplift doesn’t usually present a problem in this area, you might just want to smile and wave.  Just brush it off.  It’s easier to do this with someone who doesn’t always sing that tune.  If you find that you are too tired to discuss the matter, you don’t have to.  Just chalk it up to a bad day or a poor choice of words on Ursula’s part and move on.

2. Confront them

If Wendy Wetblanket makes a habit of it, it might be time to confront her, especially if Wendy is someone you see more than occasionally.  As long as you bring it up in grace, asking her to please help support you, it should be received well.  Boldness tempered by grace is the key to sharing your thoughts effectively and with a minimum of Blood Loss Love Lost.

3. Stop hanging around them

When Wendy Wetblanket turns into Bobbi Bully, the preferable alternative is to seek friendlier skies.  With friends like that, who needs enemies?  If this person is causing you or your family undue stress to the point where it is undermining your ability to do the work the Lord has for you, it’s usually best not to spend as much time with them.  This is difficult and not always advisable if it is a close family member, but you may need to limit your exposure to their toxic talk.

4. Make sure it’s not rubbing off on you

Lastly, after years of exposure to Toxic Talk, it is all too easy to either believe it or reflect it.  If someone tells you how worthless you are on an ongoing basis, you may begin to see false truth in their toxic words.  God doesn’t make worthless people and He made you for a special reason as He did each on of us.  You have a unique set of strengths and weaknesses that He wishes to use for His purpose.  Let Him. On the other hand, if you hear toxic talk all your life, you may be tempted to treat others as you have been treated.  Remember Ephesians 4:29: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”  If a harsh or discouraging word should slip out of your mouth, apologize as soon as you can.

5.Be grace-filled

Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”  Whether you have to confront someone, back away from someone or even address a small issue with a virtual stranger, make every effort to be grace-filled as you do so and be ready to forgive and forget if the situation does present itself.  Little misunderstandings can grow into major problems even if you try to communicate well all along the way.  We are all human and make mistakes and it takes two to communicate effectively.  You can speak as eloquently as an angel, but if the other person isn’t listening, your message won’t get through.  Speak in grace anyway.

There may come a time when that other person may change or comes to you for forgiveness.  Whether or not you feel led to resume your friendship, make every effort to be grace-filled as you do.  Sometimes that means picking up where you left off without rehashing the issue and sometimes it means quietly letting them go without attempting to get another word in edgewise.  If you’ve said your peace and they have demonstrated that they will not or cannot do what you need to keep the relationship, it is more grace-filled to just let it be than to take every opportunity to reopen old wounds.

6. Keep supportive friends close

Handling those who utter discouraging words can be difficult, especially without the help and support of  good and trusted friends.  As discouraging words can bring you down, encouraging words from supportive friends will give you strength, peace and will uplift you.

There is no formula for the perfect way to communicate in every situation with every person because each situation is slightly different and each person is a unique creation of God.  However, if I were to come close to a formula that would suit almost any situation it would be this, “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.” Colossians 4:6

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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It’s Praise Week

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It’s Praise Week here at Communication FUNdamentals!

The Bible talks about praising God, and we should, for all the blessings He has given us, but it also talks about supporting and being a blessing to others.  Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Edifying means to build up.  God wants us to build others up, to lift them up when they are down, to support them.  This scripture also tells us we should do this in order to minister grace to them.  Grace means showing mercy, kindness and service toward others.   Here’s why this is so important.

I always knew how important it was to praise others, but recently my daughter brought to my attention an article that tells us more about why.  It says research shows Young People Prefer Praise.

“We looked at all the things college students love and they love self-esteem more,” says lead author Brad Bushman, a professor of communication and psychology at Ohio State University in Columbus.”

The article further stated that the students surveyed preferred experiences that boosted their self-esteem and cited things like getting good grades and compliments.  It went on to say:

Part of what researchers analyzed was the difference between “liking” and “wanting,” based on study participants’ self-reports. They said they liked the rewards listed in the study more than they actually wanted them, which Bushman says is considered healthy. However, the liking-wanting distinction was smallest for self-esteem, suggesting a stronger desire for it than the other rewards.

So not only did they like receiving these rewards, but they actually craved or wanted them:

“It’s about confidence in your ability to deal with life’s challenges and a sense of personal worth, rather than generalized praise and undeserved rewards.

The article suggests that craving self-esteem can be harmful to a society when it crosses over into narcissism.  However, I believe this is much more likely for those who don’t follow Biblical principles which say to put others before ourselves.

I wonder if this rise in young people wanting or even craving experiences or feedback that fills self-esteem needs is because society as a whole is just so much busier than it used to be.  People are working two jobs to make ends meet.  Moms are worried about their children running with the wrong crowd or having too much free time that they are scheduling many more activities than they once did.  Nobody knows their neighbors anymore.  Are we all too busy these days to take the time to pay those compliments we used to?  Do people today feel lost in the crowd?  Is life more complicated today making it less likely to feel we are doing well?  Does society push self-esteem too much?  Or is it that society teaches us to seek conformity rather than treasure our uniqueness ?  Are we looking for acceptance from a world that says we are just one of the crowd?  Or does society no longer believe in a God who treasures each individual created with love?

What do you think?

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Not a Good Sign

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Now remember folks, if grace is not in your communication…

epic fail photos - Oddly Specific: There's One In Every Family

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Agree to Disagree

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Today is the last day of Grace Month.  All this month I’ve been sharing from my article, “10 Quick Ways to Disagree in Grace.  Number ten is used when all else fails.  If you can’t agree, you must disagree…in grace!

10. Agree to Disagree
Tis better to agree to disagree and live to discuss another day than to fight for your right to be a pest!  Sometimes people are not ready to hear or accept what you have to say.  Sometimes you are only one in a long line of people the Lord will use to share Jesus with this person.  Share and discuss in love and grace and then let it go.

Yesterday we talked about not arguing when we disagree and the reason for that is so that we can live to agree that we just disagree.  It is a communication myth that an effective communicator can get anyone to agree to anything.  Even The Great Communicator, Ronald Reagan, wasn’t able to convert everyone to his politics.  There are going to be those of us who disagree on fundamental principles such as religion and politics.  In fact, good men can disagree on many things.

If at first you don’t succeed, it might be best to agree to disagree rather than trying and trying again.

I pray these tips have helped you some, but if you would like to learn more about conflicts and how to avoid, reduce or resolve them, check out our latest Art of Eloquence communication study on conflicts!

 

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I dunno or Let it Go

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We’re getting near the end of Grace Month. Just a few more posts to go and then I’ll have a seminar on Grace and Godly Communication with even more information on this topic and a chance for you to get involved in the discussion and share your thoughts and experiences on the topic.

Today I’d like to share with you two more excerpts from my article, 10 Quick Ways to Disagree in Grace.  These two sound kind of like no brainers, but you’d be amazed at how little they are used!

7. Say “I Dunno”
When you don’t know the answer someone needs, the most intelligent thing to say is “I dunno.”  The quickest way to lose credibility with someone is to speak too quickly.  If someone asks you something about the Bible and you can’t remember where the scripture is, tell them you will find it for them.  People appreciate honesty!

There is a social stigma today whereby people think they must know everything about everything or they risk looking stupid.  So there is often an urge to fill in one’s knowledge with, shall we say, assumed truths.  Made up facts or opinions disguised as facts are commonplace especially in business.  Many Christians feel that they cannot effectively share their faith if they don’t have all the answers.  This is part of the reason I wrote Say What You Mean: Defending the Faith.  It helps answer the issues the unbeliever has about God.  Not knowing all the answers keeps Christians from sharing and also gives us temptation to fill in our pregnant pauses with something that passes for knowledge.

If you feel the Lord leading you to speak out on a particular topic, by all means become educated on it!  However, there is nothing wrong with admitting you don’t know something.  In fact, it can be quite endearing and refreshing.

8. Let it Go
In order to avoid an argument, when they are no longer listening, stop talking!  As soon as someone is giving off signals that they are not accepting your views, it’s usually best not to press the issue and begin an argument.

Now I’m not talking about not sharing your ideas or backing off a discussion just because someone disagrees with you.  I’m talking about not pushing things beyond where you will do no good.  You can usually tell when someone’s had enough and is no longer listening to you.  No matter how sweetly you say it, they aren’t listening and so it’s rather redundant to keep talking.  Along the same line is when someone is annoyed because the speaker has been pushy.  Either way, the listener, isn’t.  You can do more harm than good by continuing on at this time. It’s better to let it go and live to discuss another day.

This tip applies to sharing your faith as well as any other topic.  Being right isn’t a synonym for being effective.  If you watch a lot of police shows, it may make more sense this way, “It doesn’t matter if he’s guity; it only matters what I can prove.”  In order to prove our point, we need to put it in a way that is grace-filled in order that the hearer is truly listening.  Nothing says “I’m not listening anymore” quite like the face you see when someone is pushing an idea past the point of civility.

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Give Grace A Chance

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After reading my title, I have that song stuck in my head now, don’t you?  “Just Give Grace a Chance…”  Continuing Grace Month with excerpts  from my article, “10 Quick Ways to Disagree in Grace” we come to numbers five and six.  I pray these tips have been a blessing to you and I would ask that you please pass along the link to my blog posts as there are so many Christians struggling to find comfortable or more effective ways in which to disagree.
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Sometimes Christians find that they may disagree with other Christians over doctrine or how they interpret scripture.  I have seen Christians lash out at a sister or brother in Christ and I have seen others stand idly by in fear of what their response would bring.  This is a HUGE topic that I actually address in several of my communication studies, but I want to address a portion of this here today: new Christians.
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5. Give new Christians a Chance
Before I ever came to accept Jesus, I didn’t know His Word.  I cannot accept what I do not know.  I had to spend time reading the Bible before I could grow in my faith.  The closer I grew to the Lord, the more I wanted to live my life for Him.  I didn’t start off witnessing. It wasn’t until later that I decided not to participate in things like Santa and the Easter Bunny.  Be sure not to stumble a fairly new Christian because he is not yet ready or willing to make a change.”
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We don’t want to stumble a new believer before he has an opportunity to walk with the Lord.  It’s so important that we discuss things and not argue the point.  Most new believers will need time to sit with an idea before they can really understand it.  Most people have the same issue with almost any new idea.  Nobody wants to be told they are doing things wrong, but often we do need to hear it.  It’s so much easier to share what we believe than to accuse or badger.  This allows us the freedom to speak.  It’s also much easier for the recipient to hear us discuss our different belief.  This allows the other person the freedom to listen and understand.
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Another issue we face with gracious disagreement, is when we notice the other party isn’t “buying it.”  LOL  As we attempt to discuss issues, we may notice that the other person isn’t accepting our facts.
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6. Address their Concerns
If they ask you a question, by all means answer!  Sometimes people may not come out and ask, but you can tell they have a concern by their body language or their facial expression.  If they object, by all means address it.  Calmly share what you know about their concerns.”
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Some will come out and ask you how you know X to be true.  Others will squinch up their faces or shake their heads from side to side.  This is a red flag clue that something needs to be addressed.  Do so.  Remember, that addressing their concerns doesn’t mean telling them the are WRONG or getting them to agree you are RIGHT.  It simply means that we should graciously attempt to clarify why they are having trouble with our idea and see if we can discuss it further.  Along the way, the other party might learn you are right or YOU might learn something about the other person that will allow you to explain your position more effectively.
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I’ll be back on Wednesday with some more tips on disagreeing in grace.  Check out our newsletter subscription below.  We will have a free gift coming out tomorrow for all subscribers.  It’s an activity book that helps parents and kids discuss what Jesus did for us.

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Disagreeing in Grace 3&4

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On Monday we discussed the first two rules of disagreeing in grace.  Rules three and four involve being calm and concentrating on the issues rather than the person’s character.

3. Be Calm
The best way to share your views with anyone is in a calm and rational manner.  The more passionate you are about a topic, the harder that will be.  When you give a speech, being passionate about it is beneficial, but when you are trying to change someone’s mind or heart, it is a deterrent.  Nobody wants to be forced into accepting something.  They want to come to their own conclusions after hearing all the facts.

Ignatz is trying to get Igor into a business deal and he’s not going to take no for an answer.  So he raises his voice, digs in and badgers poor Igor for what seems an interminable length of time.  Even though the idea seems to have merit, Igor is suspicious because Ignatz is so insistent.  He feels as though there must be an ulterior motive or a hidden disadvantage if Ignatz is pushing so hard.

If Ignatz had just come to him and calmly stated the value and benefits of the deal, he would have been inclined to agree right away.  As it happened, he was so suspicious that he waited too long and the deal was no longer an option.

4. Don’t Condemn the Person; Question the Issues
Remember always that the Lord loves His children. It’s the sin He hates.  Keep in mind that people are not machines.  We don’t switch our sin on and off.  Ask questions.  Share.  Condemn the action if you must, but never condemn the person that Jesus loves!

Ivan and Mabel were discussing politics when Ivan was so disgusted with her inability to prove her point that he called her an ignorant fool and proceeded to question everything from her honesty to her sanity.  It wasn’t long before Mabel was no longer listening, dug in her heels and declared her allegiance to the other viewpoint even though she secretly began to feel he had made a few good points.

If Ivan had only stuck to the issues instead of attacking her personally, they may have been able to have a civil discussion.

Remaining calm and sticking to the issues in question will help you appear to be fair minded and intelligent while allowing the other person to thoughtfully consider your position, even if they don’t adopt it.

This YouTube video is of Tim Keller talking about how society now discusses faith. It illustrates what I’ve shared for years about communication and sharing our faith: it takes grace and respect.

 

Come back next week when I’ll share more from “10 Quick Rules for Disagreeing in Grace!”

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Disagreeing in Grace Rules 1&2

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Continuing with Grace Month this week, I’m going to share  a few excerpts from my article, “Ten Quick Rules for  Disagreeing in Grace” and examine them each a bit closer.

1. Don’t Accuse
Instead of coming out and saying someone is wrong, just share what you know.  Nobody wants to hear they are wrong and if they hear it, they are likely not listening to anything else you say.  They may indeed be wrong, but you need to ask yourself if you want to be right or if you want to be heard!

Mildred told Agatha she’d been to Geraldine’s house yesterday and saw her new Labrador puppy.  Agatha just saw Geraldine this morning and blurts out, “It’s NOT a Lab, Mildred! It’s a Lab/Shepard mix!”  Now doesn’t Mildred feel great?  She’s been corrected by the Dog Police!  Instead of feeling like she’s received some new information about Geraldine, Mildred now wonders when Agatha will demand the $20 fine!

What if Agatha had simply told what she knew?   “Oh isn’t he a pretty pup?  He sure does look like a Lab, but Geraldine told me he’s actually a Lab/Shepard mix.”  Now they could continue the conversation and remain friends.

2. Listening Without Interrupting
It doesn’t look like you are anxious to share your views if you interrupt.  To them, it feels like you aren’t giving due attention to their arguments.  If you are not willing to listen to others, they will not be willing to listen to you!

Fred is trying to tell Dennis about his new home, but Dennis is constantly interrupting to correct his square footage and assessment of the neighborhood.  Talking to Dennis is like swimming upstream and Fred is getting mighty tired of trying to finish his story.  After a while, Fred just stops trying and Dennis is free to disagree with Fred’s purchase unimpeded because Fred has left the building!

It’s not necessary to agree with your friends, but it’s a good idea to allow them to make their point before you nitpick them to pieces.  If Dennis had allowed Fred to finish his story and then put his different opinion this way, they might have had a better chance to remain on friendly terms.  “I thought all of those homes were smaller than that.” and perhaps, “My wife and I prefer a more rural area.”

It isn’t necessary to discredit the person to disagree with them, it’s only necessary to state what you believe and why.  I’ll share more tips for disagreeing in grace on Wednesday.


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