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Continuing with Grace Month this week, I’m going to share  a few excerpts from my article, “Ten Quick Rules for  Disagreeing in Grace” and examine them each a bit closer.

1. Don’t Accuse
Instead of coming out and saying someone is wrong, just share what you know.  Nobody wants to hear they are wrong and if they hear it, they are likely not listening to anything else you say.  They may indeed be wrong, but you need to ask yourself if you want to be right or if you want to be heard!

Mildred told Agatha she’d been to Geraldine’s house yesterday and saw her new Labrador puppy.  Agatha just saw Geraldine this morning and blurts out, “It’s NOT a Lab, Mildred! It’s a Lab/Shepard mix!”  Now doesn’t Mildred feel great?  She’s been corrected by the Dog Police!  Instead of feeling like she’s received some new information about Geraldine, Mildred now wonders when Agatha will demand the $20 fine!

What if Agatha had simply told what she knew?   “Oh isn’t he a pretty pup?  He sure does look like a Lab, but Geraldine told me he’s actually a Lab/Shepard mix.”  Now they could continue the conversation and remain friends.

2. Listening Without Interrupting
It doesn’t look like you are anxious to share your views if you interrupt.  To them, it feels like you aren’t giving due attention to their arguments.  If you are not willing to listen to others, they will not be willing to listen to you!

Fred is trying to tell Dennis about his new home, but Dennis is constantly interrupting to correct his square footage and assessment of the neighborhood.  Talking to Dennis is like swimming upstream and Fred is getting mighty tired of trying to finish his story.  After a while, Fred just stops trying and Dennis is free to disagree with Fred’s purchase unimpeded because Fred has left the building!

It’s not necessary to agree with your friends, but it’s a good idea to allow them to make their point before you nitpick them to pieces.  If Dennis had allowed Fred to finish his story and then put his different opinion this way, they might have had a better chance to remain on friendly terms.  “I thought all of those homes were smaller than that.” and perhaps, “My wife and I prefer a more rural area.”

It isn’t necessary to discredit the person to disagree with them, it’s only necessary to state what you believe and why.  I’ll share more tips for disagreeing in grace on Wednesday.

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