words

How to Communicate Love Part4: How do you know?

February 25, 2013 by Art of Eloquence

Pulling this month’s blog series all together, here’s what we learned from this blog series so far:

Words don’t always communicate love, but specific details communicate love more effectively.

Actions communicate love.

Thoughtful, personalized, and even inexpensive gifts can communicate more love.

How do you determine what your spouse considers showing love? Listen!

1. Listen to the comments your spouse makes when he/she receives a gift. Listen to what they don’t say. Read between the lines.

2. ASK! Trust me when I say that it doesn’t ruin the mystery if you go right up to her and ask what kinds of ways she likes to feel your love. It doesn’t destroy the space/time continuum if you ask your husband how he feels love from you. Ask and ye shall receive…the knowledge you need!

3. Pay attention. Pay attention to the little things your spouse does. Garner clues from the comments they make either about others or themselves. Did she just say she thought it was adorable how the husband in that movie did something for his wife? Did he just make a comment that gave you a clue about what he needs? Pay attention.

There are as many ways to communicate love as there are lovers. In order to find what works for your spouse, you need to listen, ask and pay attention. Use words, actions and gifts and strategically tailor them to your spouse.

Happy Valentine’s Day…all year long!

——————–

Don’t forget to check out our Valentine Special where you can get two e-books that will help you and your spouse build a happier and stronger relationship! Plus our free bonus gift, 28 Days of Love: 28 scriptures, sayings and beautiful illustrations that will help you become better able to express your love for your spouse. It can be Valentine’s Day all year long!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
If you liked this post, read…Seven Reasons Why YOU Should Sign Up for the Art of Eloquence Newsletter!

Share this:

Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: actions, gifts, language, listen, love, love language, valentine's day, words

How to Communicate Love Part2: Actions

February 11, 2013 by Art of Eloquence

Last week we looked at communicating love with the words we use, but there are so many other ways to communicate love! We often don’t even have to say a word to show someone that we love them. Here are just a few ways:

1. Hugs

A hug is a love language most people understand. Sometimes no words are necessary. The hug has healing powers. It transforms empty words into a feeling like nothing else can.

And how long should a hug last? A quick hug is what guys do for each other. They don’t want to linger too long over a hug with another man. But a hug between spouses should last longer than it takes to regain your manhood.

Hugging and cuddling should be a regular part of your communication with your spouse. Have you hugged your spouse today?

2. What we do

Nothing says I love you like gas! No really. My dh always fills my car up with gas. We’ve been married 26 yrs and I can count on my fingers the number of times I have filled up my tank. He does this so I don’t have to go out and so I always have enough gas to get me where I need to go.

I’m sure he doesn’t enjoy getting me gas. After all, he has to do it for his own car as well. But the fact that he takes the time to do things he doesn’t really want to do so that I don’t have to do it, just makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over. What about you? What does your spouse do for you that makes you feel his/her love?

3. Offer to help

Another way we can communicate love to our spouse or others is to offer to help with something. Ever have a need that someone offered to help with by supplying you with the money to do whatever it was you needed to do? I’m sure that was appreciated, but don’t you appreciate it more if the person took the time to come help?

Ideas:

Offering to bring over a meal when someone is sick.

Doing the dishes for the wife when she is tired.

Offering to take the kids for a few hours so someone can rest.

Helping an elderly neighbor clean her house or offering to do it yourself.

Actions speak louder than words and they often convey more than just, “I love you.” Be someone’s superhero! But there are other ways to communicate love. Check back next week for part 3.

——————–

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
If you liked this post, read…Seven Reasons Why YOU Should Sign Up for the Art of Eloquence Newsletter!

Share this:

Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: actions, communciate, gas, help, hugs, love, spouse, words

How to Communicate Love Series Part1: Words

February 4, 2013 by Art of Eloquence

Saying the words is only one way that you can tell your spouse you love them, but how many times have we heard people say things when they don’t really mean them? They say talk is cheap and it is. We allow words of hate to slip out of our mouths all to often and things are far easier said than done. How many of us gals ever dated a guy who said they loved us, but what he really meant was he WANTED to?

Unless the other party really feels your love for them, these words are almost meaningless. Ever have a fight with your brother after which your mother made you say you were sorry? You said the words to each other because mom said so, but you and your brother knew full well neither one of you meant it. How many of us, in our rush to get stuff done, have kissed our spouse and said, “love you” as you shuffle your papers to find your car keys? Forget our love language, sometimes we simply don’t act as if we mean the words we say.

If you’ve ever done this, and I suspect we all have, it can become a habit and then the words, “I love you,” become synonymous with “nice knowing you.” These words, spoken so frequently and with varying degrees of depth, become meaningless. After all, a stranger on the street could say the words and be telling the truth because he loves all people, but what does that really mean?

So how else can we communicate that we love them? Tell them they are special to you. Tell them WHY they are special to you. Compliment them and be specific about what you love about their personality, their smile, their talents. And it’s not just about how your wife looks, fellas!

The devil is in the details and so is the feeling of love. A stranger on the street may be able to tell your wife the truth when he says, “I love you,” but he can’t tell her what he loves about her because he doesn’t know her. What do you love about your husband? What does he do, not do, or say that warms your heart and makes your day?

Specific words will show your spouse the love he/she needs to feel. How else can we communicate love? Check back next week for part 2 of this month’s blog series!

——————–

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
If you liked this post, read…Seven Reasons Why YOU Should Sign Up for the Art of Eloquence Newsletter!

Share this:

Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: communicate, I love you, love, words

Yesterday was Noah Webster’s Birthday

October 17, 2012 by Art of Eloquence

Noah Webster was born Oct 16, 1758 so I thought we’d celebrate words today. Here is an article I wrote on words and how their meanings change over the years.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Over the years, the meanings of words do change and for many different reasons. I thought it would be fun to take a look back at some of these words. Enjoy!

Some words have changed meanings for technological reasons.
1. A tweet used to be the sound a bird makes. Now it’s a 140 character message you type on a social networking site where people share things from political news to what they had for dinner.

2. The word friend is now a verb. Where I used to have a friend over for dinner, I now “friend” someone on Facebook and tell them what I had for dinner.

3. Text used to be a noun meaning the original words and form of a written or printed work. Now it’s a verb meaning to send a message via cell phone.

Some words have changed as common usage has changed.
1. The word ultimate means the last in a list of items. However, it’s been widely used to indicate the best as in “the ultimate driving machine,” the slogan used by BMW. This word is so widely misused that if you “google” (a word invented for the Information Age) it, you will find most of the entries refer to the word as meaning the best.

2. The words fewer and less have been used interchangeably. Less is supposed to be used when comparing quantities that can’t be counted. You’d like less trouble. Fewer is to be used for comparing items you can count. Nobody wants fewer dollars! However, we are encouraged to tweet in 140 characters or less.

Some words have been accepted after being incorrectly overused.
1. The word literally has literally lost all meaning. Defined as something that is actually taking place, literally has been used in place of the word “really” so often, that it has become accepted or literally ignored in the sentence. I’ve been so frustrated by this misuse that I am literally hopping mad.

2. Totally is another word that has been similarly redefined and overused. You could totally take out all the totally meaningless words totally from this sentence and totally be left with a totally meaningless sentence. Totally!

And finally some words have changed meaning totally because of technological opportunities to incorrectly use and overuse accepted slang.
All people have a heart. Some people have heart, but these days, people ♥ all kinds of things. In fact, if you don’t know how to create a heart symbol with your keyboard, you can simply say “I heart you” and most everyone will understand and think you clever.

What other words have been redefined? You should totally share the ones you ♥!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
If you liked this post, read…Seven Reasons Why YOU Should Sign Up for the Art of Eloquence Newsletter!

Share this:

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: dictionary, Facebook, Noah Webster, tweet, words

What is effective communication?

June 6, 2012 by Art of Eloquence

As it is Effective Communications Month, I thought I’d begin my series of blog articles with a reminder of what communication really is. Here is an article I wrote a while back that puts it best.

Communication is a word you’ve probably heard since you were young, but I’ll bet you can’t define it. Some people think communication is talking, conversation, making a speech, persuading someone of something or badgering them into coming to church. Others think it’s manners, etiquette or social graces.

Merriam Webster defines communication as “an act or instance of transmitting,” “information transmitted or conveyed,” “a verbal or written message,” “exchange of information,” “personal rapport,” or their most comprehensive definition, “a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior.”

Wikipedia has one of the most complete definitions of communication I have ever seen:

“Communication is the activity of conveying information. Communication has been derived from the Latin word “communis”, meaning to share. Communication requires a sender, a message, and an intended recipient, although the receiver need not be present or aware of the sender’s intent to communicate at the time of communication; thus communication can occur across vast distances in time and space. Communication requires that the communicating parties share an area of communicative commonality. The communication process is complete once the receiver has understood the message of the sender.“

I know I was subtle by putting it in bold letters, but didja catch that last part? I’d go one step further. Effective communication is complete when the receiver has understood the message of the sender, the way in which the sender had intended.

True communication, effective communication requires that the listener understands the sender’s message in the spirit it was intended or the message is skewed, misunderstood and the relationship between the sender and receiver has changed or is damaged in some way.

Everyone talks, but not everyone truly communicates. Everyone gets a message across, but not everyone has the ability to relate his message so effectively that his listener understands his message as it was intended. Anyone can lecture, but not everyone can truly teach, enlighten. Manners will only get you so far in a relationship. A speech will not endear you to your neighbor. A presentation will not help you resolve a conflict with your brother. Social graces will not persuade a nation to elect the right candidate. Etiquette cannot help you share your faith. And the communication skills required for each of these activities are different.

Everyone learns to talk. Very few learn to communicate effectively. It isn’t because it’s a set of skills only important for lawyers and politicians. It’s because society fully understands when communication is done badly, but does not understand that the reason behind the conflicts, divorce, lost job opportunities, and failed businesses is most often an inability to effectively express the vision.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
If you liked this post, read…Seven Reasons Why YOU Should Sign Up for the Art of Eloquence Newsletter

Share this:

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: communication, Effective Communications Month, listener, Merriam Webster, receiver, sender, Wikipedia, words

Redefining Words

April 4, 2012 by Art of Eloquence

Over the years, the meanings of words do change and for many different reasons. I thought it would be fun to take a look back at some of these words. Enjoy!

2. The word friend is now a verb. Where I used to have a friend over for dinner, I now “friend” someone on Facebook and tell them what I had for dinner.

3. Text used to be a noun meaning the original words and form of a written or printed work. Now it’s a verb meaning to send a message via cell phone.

What other words have been redefined? You should totally share the ones you ♥!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
For detailed articles/tips on various communication topics, free gifts and exclusive offers, subscribe to our newsletter! Subscribe now and get JoJo’s free eBook, Communication Activities: Finding Time to Talk to Your Children is a Busy World.

Share this:

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: meaning, technology, words

Is your speech too cluttered?

March 21, 2012 by Art of Eloquence

On Monday, I talked about decluttering your communication by taking out the unnecessary words and phrases. Today I’d like to talk about Cluttered Communication or Cluttered Speech. While searching the web last week, I found an article about cluttered speech on a website devoted primarily to stammering.

The article talks mostly about the author’s experience with both stammering and cluttering which had made it even more difficult for him to hold a conversation with people. The side bar defined cluttering:

“What is cluttering? Cluttering is defined as a communication disorder characterised by a rapid rate of speech that may come out too fast without proper pronunciation and be somewhat erratic. Cluttered thoughts can make it difficult to express yourself clearly.

Speech can become unintelligible. Phrase patterns can be uneven, some of the phrases or sentences can become interlaced with different sounds, and the context may be difficult to understand. People who clutter may sound as though they are drunk. Their speech can be slurred and they may find it difficult to respond easily to people’s comments.

Sometimes the speaker is unaware that their speech is disfluent at all; others are aware but seem unable to do anything about it. Many people wrongfully categorize clutterers with stammerers. Although this is incorrect, there are similarities.”

Cluttered communication affects more than just those who stutter or stammer. For many, it’s simply become a habit to speak so quickly and/or slur their words such that their listeners find it difficult to understand them. In my research of gifted children, I came across some information that suggested that highly intelligent people tend to speak very quickly. I’ve written many times about the pace of conversation so I’ll just give you a few tips here to help if this is an issue for you.

1. Intentionally slow down your rate of speech

2. Make an effort not to cut off the ends of words as you speak.

3. Make a recording of your normal rate of speech and when you try to slow it down and enunciate more clearly. Then play it back so you can hear your progress.

It may take some practice, but you can train yourself to speak a bit slower and more clearly so that it becomes second nature.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
To learn more about how to do this and other communication topics, receive free gifts and exclusive offers, subscribe to our newsletter! Subscribe now and get JoJo’s eBook, Communication Activities: Finding time to Communicate with Your Children in a Busy World.

Share this:

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Article, Clutter, stammering, words

Share your family’s made up words

February 29, 2012 by Art of Eloquence

Wednesdays are usually the times when I share an obscure word or a deeper meaning of a commonly used word. Since we’ve been celebrating Dr. Seuss this week, I thought I’d ask you all to share your own favorite made up words/terms this Word of the Week.

Dr. Seuss made up silly, nonsense words and terms for his books. It’s what made his books so much fun. Some made up words eventually find their way into the dictionary. Many of the words we commonly use today were made up by a man named William Shakespeare.

My family has made up words and terms. My daughter and son made up the word “nork,” a combination of the word nerd and dork which they affectionately use with each other as a term of endearment. My son claims to be the Supreme Alpha Nork to Infinity, which I suppose, is a high honor. lol

What words has your family made up? Please share your family’s word stories.

If you liked this post, please subscribe to our RSS feed and share the link…

Share this:

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: dictionary, Family, shakespeare, william shakespeare, words

Nine Ways to Listen

January 23, 2012 by Art of Eloquence

Nine Ways to Listen
By JoJo Tabares

Listening is the most important communication skill. It’s rule #1 in JoJo’s Communication Handbook. Listening is so important because it allows us to understand our audience which aids us in tailoring our message to them. Listening helps us know when someone has misunderstood us, is angry with us, or is confused. Listening to others is a gift we give them as they have a chance to communicate what is important to them.

People have asked me HOW? How do we listen, really listen to others? What do we listen for? Listening may sound easy, but it’s actually a very complicated skill and it’s essential for ANY relationship. It could be an entire book because listening is more than just hearing the words and paying attention to someone as they speak. I don’t have time to discuss all the nuances of listening in this blog post, but here are nine ways to listen that will help you build closer relationships with friends, family and coworkers.

1. Words

The first thing we need to listen for are the words. A speaker’s word choice tells us something about where they are coming from in a conversation. Did Patty just say she despised eggplant? That’s a much stronger form of vegetable discrimination than if she had said she didn’t like them.

What words could Patty have used? What does her word choice say about Patty, about eggplant, about the conditions in which she was eating them?

2. Connotation

What connotation is attached to the words Patty used? If Patty says her grandmother is senile, her grandmother’s condition may be more of a clinical description than if she had said she was forgetful. It may warrant a concerned question as to her grandmother’s health. In fact, Patty may be waiting for you to care enough to ask so she can talk about her feelings she’s kept bottled up.

3. Omitted Words

You can tell a great deal about someone by listening to the words they use, but also by the words they don’t use. What words did Patty omit from her conversation about her grandmother? If you listen closely (called active listening), you may have noticed that Patty described all the symptoms of Alzheimer’s without ever saying the word. It may mean that Patty is so afraid for her grandmother that she can’t even bring herself to utter the word. Sometimes a big hug is in order for people under such stress. Clues like these can help us find what our friends need in times of great distress.

4. Tone of Voice

If you noticed that Patty had a note of sarcasm in her voice when she said her grandmother was senile, you could infer that she was simply making a joke. Understanding which comments are meant to be humorous and which ones are not, can be the difference between a close friendship and a conflict.

5. Body Language

As Patty describes her grandmother’s sweet nature and her feelings the last time she saw her, you may notice her body language is focused inward. Patty may not have said anything at all that would indicate that her grandmother is ill, but you may be able to gain an understanding that Patty is in pain about something her grandmother is currently experiencing. Simply asking how she is might give Patty the opening she longs for to discuss her pain with a good friend.

6. Gestures

Similarly, gestures can give you the same kind of information. If Patty’s body isn’t slumped over, perhaps she is wringing her hands or fiddling with her dress. These may be an indication that she is stressed and in need of a good friend’s shoulder.

7. Pauses

Sometimes when people are upset about something, they pause in the middle of a statement due to stress, because they don’t know how to say what they need or want to or because they are about to reveal something they don’t want to. All of those things can give you clues into how Patty is feeling or what she might be trying (or trying NOT) to say.

8. World View

Sometimes we can discern someone’s view on a particular topic by the words or examples they use. This can be a tremendous help in tailoring our message or our comfort to their needs. For example, if Patty uses the word “institution” while discussing where her grandmother may need to go, she may have a dim view of all locations that help the elderly cope with health issues. On the other hand, it may be just the view she holds of this facility. That might be important if you hope to help Patty discuss her feelings and help her decide what options she and her grandmother have.

9. Eye Contact

The eyes are the windows to the soul. You can tell a great deal about a person or situation in which someone either makes or avoids eye contact. If Patty is avoiding eye contact with you as she is talking about her grandmother, she may be feeling afriad of what you might think of her for considering putting her grandmother in an institution. If her brother avoids making eye contact as he is discussing grandma’s jewels that are currently missing from the house, he might be trying to hide the fact that he took them.

These are some of the things you need to pay attention to, listen for, as you communicate with others so you are able to discern more from your conversation. This will allow you further understanding and insight in order that you may be of more help and support to those you are with. As I said, how you do that can be a little complicated. If you’d like to learn more about how to be a good listener, I share these lessons in depth (and for various situations) in several of my studies including: Know Your Audience, Say What You Mean: Defending the Faith, Say What You Mean: Avoiding, Reducing and Resolving Conflicts, Say What You Mean: Overcoming Social Anxiety. If you click on the links and scroll to the bottom of each product page, you’ll find a free sample lesson you can download.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer. Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula. You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com. For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

If you liked this post, please subscribe to our RSS feed and share the link…

Share this:

Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: body language, communication skills, eye contact, gestures, listen, Listening, pauses, tone, words, world view

Effective Email (Part 3)

October 3, 2011 by Art of Eloquence

Several recent studies show that email is deceptively more difficult that most people are aware. Research reveals that 78% of people believe they are clearly communicating and 89% of receivers believe they are correctly interpreting an email. However, the unfortunate reality is that the receiver correctly interprets an email message only 56% of the time! Why the discrepancy?

Email is devoid of body language, facial expressions, vocal inflection, gestures, and other nonverbal cues which make up 93% of face-to-face communication! Though an email is easy and convenient to write, we often forget that the other person may not interpret what we type the way we meant it especially since the only things the receiver can use to interpret our email message are the words we choose to use. This leads to various misunderstandings as the receiver may misinterpret your intentions and tone by reading too much into the email.

While there is no perfect way to communicate and each receiver is a unique individual, there are some tips that will help you communicate more effectively over email.

1. Consider your audience
Before you begin to formulate your email, consider who it is you are writing to. How well do they know you and your thoughts on the topic you are about to discuss? What assumptions might they have about the topic that you may have to overcome? What terms might you use that they may not be familiar with? Which words or terms might be taken negatively? How many people will be reading this email and would they all feel the same about this topic? Knowing your audience is important if you are to relate to them or you will miss opportunities to communicate effectively and increase your chances of being misunderstood.

2. Read it over out loud before you hit send

It’s almost impossible to edit or proof your own writing which is why a good editor is worth so much, but it isn’t practical to hire an editor for a simple email. So what’s an emailer to do? You may, indeed, read right over your own mistakes when you read silently. I advocate reading your email over out loud before you hit send to catch the glaringly obvious “mis takes”.

3. Check for inflammatory words
As you are reading over the email, or even on a second read if the topic is controversial, keep in mind any words that might be interpreted as inflammatory. These are any words that are unnecessarily emotional or could be seen as rude. If you find one, try replacing it with a less emotionally-charged word.

4. Make sure it’s not accusatory
As you are reading, scan for any words or terms that might make the reader feel as if you are accusing them or even suggesting they have done something wrong-especially if they have not. Many times emails are misinterpreted because the receiver feels the sender is hinting that they have done someone wrong. Even if the recipient has done something wrong, it’s not always effective to tell them so-especially in a setting such as a public Yahoo group.

5. Look at email with the eyes of those who don’t know you
It might help to read the email over by trying to see it through the eyes of someone who doesn’t know you or the topic. If a green alien from the planet, Mift, was to receive your email and all he knew was basic conversational English, would he understand you? Do consider that some people you may email are not from the same country, culture, time zone or even hold the same world view you do. When inviting someone to an online event, do include the time zone or a few time zones to make it easier for everyone to attend. For example:

“Join us each month for free seminars here: http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/19736” doesn’t tell them when they should join you.

“Join us each Monday at noon” isn’t much more helpful because noon to California is not noon to NY.

“Join us each Monday 12pm PST/3pm EST” is much more descriptive. From there anyone can figure out their own time zone. You can even post four US time zones so those in MST and CST will not have to go to the trouble of doing calculation.

Do remember, too, that there are people who live in other countries and time zones that may see your email post. Their noon may be your midnight. Allow them to be fully informed of the time zone or they are likely to become frustrated by trying to attend your online event while you are sleeping.

On Wednesday, I’ll share five more tips for the body of your email.

Share this:

Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: aucience, effective email, email, English, words

How to Communicate Love Part4: How do you know?

How to Communicate Love Part2: Actions

How to Communicate Love Series Part1: Words

Yesterday was Noah Webster’s Birthday

What is effective communication?

Redefining Words

Is your speech too cluttered?

Share your family’s made up words

Nine Ways to Listen

Effective Email (Part 3)

NEWEST From Art of Eloquence!

Subscribe to JoJo’s NEW Blog

Customer Comments

Recommended by HSLDA & TOS

Join us on Facebook

We take Visa, MasterCard & PayPal