So the other day my dd emails me to tell me her cell phone died.  Great!  She’s 1800 miles away at college with a dorm phone that doesn’t call out and her brand new cell phone dies.  The good news?  It’s still under warranty.  The bad news?  I can’t get Verizon to tell me what I REALLY need to do to take advantage of it!

Communication:  It’s what customer service is made of!

Yeah…so I’m on the phone to Verizon when they tell me to have my dd look up a Verizon store in her area and go there to see if they can repair it.  If they can’t, they will tell her what to do.  Sounds simple enough, right?  Well…

She doesn’t have a car, but she finds a Verizon store she can walk to that tells her the phone cannot be repaired because it’s too old a model.  They don’t have the parts.  Mr. Employee tells her to have me call and order her a new phone.

Ring Ring!  Verizon?  Yeah, I need to order a new phone for my dd.  The Verizon store says it can’t be repaired because it’s too old and they don’t have the parts.

Oh no Mrs. Tabares, we have to first verify that the phone can’t be repaired.  The Verizon store apparently didn’t post anything in the computer.

Turns out it was only ‘disguised’ as a Verizon Store (It looked like a Verizon store and acted like a Verizon store…) but, in reality, it was only an Authorized Verizon Dealer.  Translation: they are not authorized to repair for Verizon.  Well, why didn’t they tell our dd that?  Now what?  She’s about to leave on a missions trip for four days without benefit of cell phone.

Will the real Verizon employee please stand up?

Verizon tells me to have her call them so they can go through a diagnostic to make sure the phone needs to be replaced and not repaired.  Only problem?  She is not authorized to speak to Verizon on MY account.  Gee Golly Willakers, Batman!  Can we do something about that? After all, she is my dd and this is not a matter of national security!  She just has to tell them what’s wrong with her cell phone.

Turns out you can!  So I give my authorized Okey Dokey to allow my daughter to talk to Verizon.  Do not pass go, do not collect $200.  I tell them that she will not be able to call for several days as she will be out of town and without PHONE!  Mr. Customer Service seems to understand the concept.

So…several days later I get a call from my dd (from her friend’s cell phone) telling me that she is not authorized on my account and they won’t talk to her about the phone.  I have to turn my cell phone on so that Verizon can call me on my cell phone (so they’ll know it’s ME!)  At that time I may authorize her on my account.

Can you say Deja Vu, boys and girls?   I knew that you could.

I ask Mr. Verizon Man why I need to authorize my dd…AGAIN.  He says something brilliant like, “The last time you didn’t authorize her; you only authorized her.”   I’m beginning to get a headache.

Apparently there are two kinds of authorization.  There’s the kind where you have to authorize her to talk to them each and every time and the kind where you authorize her for ever and ever Amen.  I’ll take the forever kind behind door number 2 where Carol Maroll is standing.

But, wait!  My mind is perplexed and I just HAVE to know:  If I authorized her to talk to Verizon one time, when was the one time she talked to them?  Wouldn’t that be like…NOW?  This question seemed to throw Mr. Verizon Man into a tizzy so I just verified with him (16 times) that forever meant what I thought it did.  You know, as in the next time she might have a problem?

So it’s now two weeks later and she still doesn’t have her phone.  It should have been delivered to her PO box at college, but since that was the weekend, I doubt she can pick it up until today.  Unless…Mr. Verizon Man made another customer service communication faux pas and the phone isn’t actually authorized to appear in her mailbox.  Film at 11.

Got a customer service story to tell?  Spill it.

And you might suggest the company purchase my eBook, Say What You Mean When You’re in Business. ;D

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