Happy Thanksgiving

Happy ThanksgivingJust a quick post to wish you all a blessed Thanksgiving with your family!

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Share your family’s made up words

Wednesdays are usually the times when I share an obscure word or a deeper meaning of a commonly used word.  Since we’ve been celebrating Dr. Seuss this week, I thought I’d ask you all to share your own favorite made up words/terms this Word of the Week.

Dr. Seuss made up silly, nonsense words and terms for his books.  It’s what made his books so much fun.  Some made up words eventually find their way into the dictionary.  Many of the words we commonly use today were made up by a man named William Shakespeare.

My family has made up words and terms.  My daughter and son made up the word “nork,” a combination of the word nerd and dork which they affectionately use with each other as a term of endearment.  My son claims to be the Supreme Alpha Nork to Infinity, which I suppose, is a high honor.  lol

What words has your family made up?  Please share your family’s word stories.

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Merry CHRISTmas!

I love this song!  I share it with you on CHRISTmas because CHRISTmas isn’t about Santa or family or presents, but it’s also not just about baby Jesus or the wise men or the manger.  It’s about our sin, it’s about God’s love, it’s about the blood that Jesus shed for us.

But more than this, the beginning of the story, it’s about the cross.  It’s the ending to the story on Resurrection Sunday that saves us.

CHRISTmas is only the beginning of Jesus’ story.  He wasn’t just born for us, but He lived with us and died for us.  That’s the love of our Lord and Savoir.

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I pray you have had a blessed time this past month leading up to this day. Merry CHRISTmas from all of us here at Art of Eloquence to all of you!

Make sure you are subscribed to our RSS feed so you can get the rest of the Jesus story when I share more about his death and resurrection as well as all my articles in between that share what God says and teaches about how we should communicate to each other and about Him.

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Birthday Bash: 4:30pm-Linda Alexander

Linda Alexander will be sharing on the Art of Eloquence Facebook fan page this Birthday Bash half hour.  Here is what she is offering as a prize for this half hour’s contest:

The UNPromised Land

Because of their faith in Yeshua:

  • They were betrayed by their family
  • Rejected by Israeli Immigration
  • Tormented by unending court trials
  • Reported on by major international news media
    (Time, Newsweek, CNN, The New York Times, The Washington Post)

Gary and Shirley Beresford never wanted to be heroes. A middle-aged Messianic Jewish couple from South Africa, they felt God calling them to live in Israel, the Promised Land. Wanting nothing more than to live quietly and grow old together in the country of refuge for all Jewish people, little did they suspect what events would follow to try their faith.

To win this prize, you will need to post a comment to this blog post answering this question:  Name an Art of Eloquence study or package listed on our Faith page!  For an extra chance to win, name one of the issues listed under Did You Ever Feel Like This?

We’ll be picking a winner from among the correct answers and contacting you via email so make sure you leave your email address on your comment post.

Don’t forget to subscribe to our newsletter for another chance to win a Birthday Bash prize from Art of Eloquence!  And you might want to subscribe to the blog RSS feed so you don’t miss a contest today!

(DISCLAIMER: Communication FUNdamentals, our blog, normally only posts three times a week (MWF) but today we are having a new post/contest each half hour of the Birthday Bash.)

Congratulations to our winner: Meghan!

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How to Handle a Discouraging Word

Last week I wrote part one of A Discouraging Word.  This week, I’d like to share how we might more effectively handle those who have a discouraging word for us.

1. Smile and wave boys, just smile and wave

This is a line from the penguins of Madagascar my son loves to watch, but it is also a great way to handle those who have an occasional discouraging word.  If Ursula Uplift doesn’t usually present a problem in this area, you might just want to smile and wave.  Just brush it off.  It’s easier to do this with someone who doesn’t always sing that tune.  If you find that you are too tired to discuss the matter, you don’t have to.  Just chalk it up to a bad day or a poor choice of words on Ursula’s part and move on.

2. Confront them

If Wendy Wetblanket makes a habit of it, it might be time to confront her, especially if Wendy is someone you see more than occasionally.  As long as you bring it up in grace, asking her to please help support you, it should be received well.  Boldness tempered by grace is the key to sharing your thoughts effectively and with a minimum of Blood Loss Love Lost.

3. Stop hanging around them

When Wendy Wetblanket turns into Bobbi Bully, the preferable alternative is to seek friendlier skies.  With friends like that, who needs enemies?  If this person is causing you or your family undue stress to the point where it is undermining your ability to do the work the Lord has for you, it’s usually best not to spend as much time with them.  This is difficult and not always advisable if it is a close family member, but you may need to limit your exposure to their toxic talk.

4. Make sure it’s not rubbing off on you

Lastly, after years of exposure to Toxic Talk, it is all too easy to either believe it or reflect it.  If someone tells you how worthless you are on an ongoing basis, you may begin to see false truth in their toxic words.  God doesn’t make worthless people and He made you for a special reason as He did each on of us.  You have a unique set of strengths and weaknesses that He wishes to use for His purpose.  Let Him. On the other hand, if you hear toxic talk all your life, you may be tempted to treat others as you have been treated.  Remember Ephesians 4:29: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”  If a harsh or discouraging word should slip out of your mouth, apologize as soon as you can.

5.Be grace-filled

Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”  Whether you have to confront someone, back away from someone or even address a small issue with a virtual stranger, make every effort to be grace-filled as you do so and be ready to forgive and forget if the situation does present itself.  Little misunderstandings can grow into major problems even if you try to communicate well all along the way.  We are all human and make mistakes and it takes two to communicate effectively.  You can speak as eloquently as an angel, but if the other person isn’t listening, your message won’t get through.  Speak in grace anyway.

There may come a time when that other person may change or comes to you for forgiveness.  Whether or not you feel led to resume your friendship, make every effort to be grace-filled as you do.  Sometimes that means picking up where you left off without rehashing the issue and sometimes it means quietly letting them go without attempting to get another word in edgewise.  If you’ve said your peace and they have demonstrated that they will not or cannot do what you need to keep the relationship, it is more grace-filled to just let it be than to take every opportunity to reopen old wounds.

6. Keep supportive friends close

Handling those who utter discouraging words can be difficult, especially without the help and support of  good and trusted friends.  As discouraging words can bring you down, encouraging words from supportive friends will give you strength, peace and will uplift you.

There is no formula for the perfect way to communicate in every situation with every person because each situation is slightly different and each person is a unique creation of God.  However, if I were to come close to a formula that would suit almost any situation it would be this, “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.” Colossians 4:6

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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Should your child be on FB? Part 1

Some say Facebook is a blessing allowing you easily to keep in touch with friends and family, meet like-minded people, help you find a job or even market your business.  Others say Facebook is a waste of time and, too easily, an invasion of your privacy.   I say Facebook is a tool, a communication tool, much like email, the cell phone and your mouth.  What you get out of it often depends upon your input, expectations and most of all, how you use it.

But is it a good idea for your children?  In this article I’m going to share the benefits and drawbacks of allowing your children to have a Facebook account.  Due to the length of this article, I am going to break it down into two parts.  In this first part, I’ll cover the benefits of allowing your child to have a Facebook account.  Next Monday, I’ll post part two in which I’ll discuss the drawbacks.  You may be quite surprised at what I have to share on both sides of the issue!

One of the benefits of allowing your son or daughter to have a Facebook account is that it is a fantastic way to hone his  communication skills.  By interacting with friends and family on Facebook, your child will learn to tailor his message to each individual as he posts comments on Grandma’s wall or to little Jimmy who moved away last month.  He’ll also gain description skills that communicating via the phone or in person would not afford him.  Body language, facial expressions and tone of voice are absent from Facebook posts.  It becomes necessary for Bobby to effectively describe the school project he had to do for history class instead of just show it to Jimmy.  Facebook, if used in this manner can help increase his writing skills, especially if Bobby utilizes the Notes feature in order to write up his views expressed in his paper on Abortion.  There are many examples of communication lessons to be learned by allowing your son or daughter to express themselves in writing on Facebook.  These are but a few.

A second benefit of allowing your son or daughter to have a Facebook account is in increasing his expertise when interacting with folks of different beliefs and cultures.  I’ll talk about the warnings of allowing your young children to get on or friend people he doesn’t know in part two, but let’s assume Bobby is 16 and has relatives in other states or countries.  What a wonderful opportunity to learn about their culture and experiences!  He’ll learn how other cultures see the world, how they live and may even see pictures recently taken of the Liberty Bell, or the Washington Monument or Big Ben!

An additional advantage is that your child will learn how communication works in the technological age they live in and will work in.  Many companies are now hiring people to man Twitter and Facebook accounts in order to help customers who post they are having trouble with their company or product.  I’ve had a very large company contact me via the social networking sites after I posted that I was having a hard time with one of their products.  He helped me solve the problem!  While your son may not be hired to do this, he will very likely need to understand the inner workings of communication in the technological age.  In addition, Facebook has been used to catch criminals, to find a job, to recover a child during an Amber Alert and to ask for help or prayer with some serious matters.  Facebook is not only the wave of the future, it is a most efficient way to disseminate information and get feedback!

Facebook is also a great way to stay in touch with family around the country build relationships with them and friends who moved away.  I mentioned this earlier, but this may be the only way Bobby can have much of a relationship with his brother who is deployed or his grandmother who is back east.  I have found Facebook to be a blessing in staying connected with my daughter while she has been 1800 miles away at college, when she was half way around the world as a Russian exchange student for a semester and when she was on a missions trip in Israel for two weeks!

Finally, Facebook is a fabulous start to overcoming shyness.  Shy people are more likely to make friends or talk to friends if they can do so without having to be intimidated face-to-face.  This can help build their confidence and self esteem enabling them to transition from online communication to in person conversations.

As you can see, Facebook is simply a tool.  Used correctly, it can enhance your child’s communication skills and friendships.  However, there are also some dangers.  I’ll talk about them next week.

Can you think of any other benefits of allowing your (age appropriate) child to have a Facebook account?  Share your stories and experiences with my readers!

 

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My Redeemer Lives!

Have you subscribed to Communication FUNdamentals’ RSS Feed?  Don’t miss a post!

 

One of my most favorite songs of all time.  Blessings on this Resurrection SONday to your and your family from all of us here at Art of Eloquence.com!

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April is Grace Month

Have you subscribed to Communication FUNdamentals’ RSS Feed?  Don’t miss a post!

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All this month I’ll be talking about the role of grace and godly communication in our daily lives from our marriages, kids, neighbors, family, friends and co-workers to how we handle the phone and social media.  I’ll be sharing tips from my article, “Ten Quick Rules for Disagreeing in Grace” and expanding on it to include more insights.  I’ll even share some from my upcoming new study, Say What You Mean: Avoiding, Reducing and Resolving Conflicts.

After checking out my article, for a little fun you can visit FIMM (Foot in Mouth Man) for some of his misadventures in miscommunication.  There will be a new episode this coming Wednesday so stay tuned.

Later this month, I’m going to host a free seminar on godly communication so save up your questions!  At the end of the show, I’ll be taking your questions which you can either call in to the show or post in the chatroom to share.  Here are the details on the seminar.  Mark your calendar so you don’t miss the live show. I always have something special planned for my live listeners!

Title: Godly Communication
Time: 04/28/2011 11:00 AM EDT
Episode Notes: It takes 21 days to make a habit; why not make one for God? I challenge you: Make a habit to speak in a more godly way and see what you reap and what you sow. I’ll show you how.

How to Join the Show: Join us via your computer by clicking this link, or call us during the show at (724) 444-7444 Call ID: 19736.

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3 Important Lessons for Family

I wasn’t aware, but I guess, family reunions are big this time of year.  I just spent an amazing weekend with my sister and her family.  Our families hadn’t seen each other in a year since they helped us move to Arizona from California.  I learned three vitally important lessons from being so far away from most of my family this past year.

First, relationships cannot flourish without communication.  You cannot develop, strengthen or grow a relationship without communicating with each other.  You cannot let too much time go by without picking up the phone, typing out an email or writing a letter before you feel disconnected from your loved ones.

Second, relationships are built much easier, faster and deeper when that communication takes place in person.  I never realized how much I missed this year by not seeing my nephew grow or having time to listen to my niece’s sense of humor and intelligent banter.

Third, relationships thrive more when the quality of communication is high even if the quantity is low.  Even when we lived in California only a little over an hour away, we had precious little time to spend.  Most of our get-togethers were for birthdays or some established EVENT where most of the time was spent serving and eating and cleaning up.  In between there was some amount of discussion but it was often about logistics and major events.  Very little time was spent making memories.

This past weekend, we found time to be silly together.  We found time to play and we found time to make memories.  The communication was meaningful but also more relaxed and fun because this get-together was just for fun with no agenda but to connect.

Take time to connect with your family at those reunions.  The temptation is to talk about the major things in your life so you will be caught up with each other.  I submit that those major things can be discussed in an email or a short phone conversation.  I ask you to take the time at your family reunions to really connect with your family.  Share the little things, the funny things, the silly things.  That’s what makes a memory and that’s what you will both remember for a lifetime!

Check out Art of Eloquence.com for eStudies that will help your family communicate more effectively!

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Praising God for time with my sister

sun rays

I love pictures like this.  They just look like God’s light shining down from Heaven reminding us of God’s love.

It’s been a perfectly lovely weekend and I feel like this picture!  My sister and her family came out to visit us on Friday.  We really haven’t seen them for about a year.  They helped us pack our house up in California and watched us leave as we drove to our new life in Arizona.  My sister and her husband did come out a few months go, but we only saw them for a few hours.  I drove the kids out to their hotel room, but their kids weren’t there and my dh wasn’t able to get off work then.

So yesterday, I don’t know how it got started, but somehow everyone took out their cell phones and began passing them around.  We oohed and aaahed over the colors, features and then it happened.  It was a cell phone party!  Hannah, my neice, texted her mother who was sitting two people away from her on the couch.  She texted back.  My son was intrigued so Hannah taught him how and he texted his sister who was on the other couch.  It was so funny!  They talked to each other as they texted each other and everyone had a perfectly lovely time.

It’s been so long since my sister and I had time to be silly together. They came here on Friday to see the house and we had a special lunch and dinner.  We had to improvise seating arrangements as we simply couldn’t get 7 adult sized people and one small Christopher around my kitchen table.  We did something I think only my sister would think of.  We had boys in the kitchen and girls in the dining room.  And it was perfect!  We had two husbands and two sons in the kitchen and the two of us and our two daughters in the dining room.

Yesterday we all hung around the house and laughed all morning, went out to lunch and then stopped off at their hotel, which turned out to be a gorgeous townhome.  My son and her daughter (she’s 12 but 5′ 3″!) went swimming all afternoon while my dd and sister took turns playing ping pong with my nephew (he’s almost 16 and almost 6ft tall! They grow ’em big in Orange County! We think it’s something in the water!).

It was so funny!  My dd, Kelsey, pinged that pong ball all over the rec room.  It bounced off the walls, the floor and even the light fixture til we were rolling because it looked like she was playing by herself!  Then my sister played against her son and we all laughed so hard as they added more ping pong balls and paddles to the game.  At one point they had two paddles each and three balls in the air at all times.  Some of them occasionally hit the ceiling, the light fixture, came across the room.  Kelsey and I tried to catch them as they came by.  It was a blast!

We brought Chinese food in for dinner and segeregated ourselves by gender again.  My neice was hysterical.  She and Kelsey had us moms in stitches all throughout.

We had such a blast getting to know the kids again.  It got me thinking that we had more time to talk with them and be silly on this trip than we have had in many years of busy birthday parties. We lived over an hour away from them in California so getting together was done mostly for holidays and other events.  With all our activities and obligations,  they were the only times we could get together.  But this visit was just for fun and we laughed and shared more in two days than we were able to do in quite some time!

They’ll be over again today after church and we will spend some time before they have to head back to California.  I sure will miss them.  It’s not the same when you spend time on the phone, but these memories will draw us closer when we do have phone visits from now on.  What a blessing and I’m thanking God for time to share and have fun with my sister and her family this weekend.

Have you had a weekend like this?  Come share!

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