Disturbing decline in any interest in communicating well

StormFor quite some time, studies have shown that there has been a significant decline in communication effectiveness.  College professors report an increase in papers with text speak, slang and poor grammar.  Employers have reported a serious lack of communication skill in their new hire candidates and that it’s one of the reasons employees are not promoted.

You and I notice it every day when we speak to people, and chat with them on social media.  Sometimes the lack of communication skill is so apparent we can hardly make out what the person is trying to tell us.

However, it’s not as much a lack of training as it is a lack of interest.  The bottom line is that most people today don’t feel communication is a subject that merits any attention.  Why?

1. Undivided attention is overrated.  Multitasking is a valued skill, but what isn’t generally taken into account is the fact that the less you concentrate on something, the less efficient you are at it.  While you may be able to cook dinner, do the laundry and listen to little Johnny’s story, you probably didn’t catch everything he said.

2. The empowerment movement has told us that we have the right to free speech.  What they have not mentioned is the responsibility we face for the way in which we deliver that speech.  The idea is that I have the right to say whatever I want, but you don’t the right to be offended.  However the opposite is also taught: I have the right to be offended by anything you say and you have to make it up to me.  It’s a curious and unrealistic way to live.

Unfortunately, this is exactly why so many struggle in relationships, marriages and friendships these days. Relationships are all about communication and very few seek to master it these days. I teach communication skills and for the last ten years there has been a decline both in the skills demonstrated and the interest in learning and applying them.  If you’ve found yourself on the receiving end of a misunderstanding, you know what I mean.

It’s time we, as a society, take back the responsibility for what we say and how we say it.  It’s time to learn to speak effectively and in grace.  It’s time to be proactive…because what’s at stake are our relationships!  If you don’t, I can promise you there’s a storm coming!  A miscommunication storm that will leave your relationships in its wake.

Check out ArtofEloquence.com and take your stand now!  We have studies for PreK through adults and for every communication situation from speech and debate to sharing your faith and social skills!

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We Declare 2014: The Year of Faith

purple bibleThere is no one-size-fits-all way to communicate with people and that is even more important when it comes to something as controversial as faith.  In order to relate to those we minister to, we need to employ effective communication skills.  Sharing our faith is as much how we say it as what we say.  There no right way to communicate to everyone, but there are many wrong ways and in today’s anti-Christian culture, it’s even more important that we avoid those.

Over the next year, I will be giving you in-depth information about the best ways to share our faith as well as how to respond to anti-Christian bias and even how to handle conflicts within the Christian community.  My goal with this year-long series of weekly newsletter articles will be to give the Christian community the tools it needs to understand unbelievers and the questions and issues they have, to inspire confidence in sharing the faith and the grace to temper their boldness with humility so that our message is better received.  In addition, I’ll be pointing out the anti-Christian bias inside our own country, the media’s role in all this and how critical it is that the Christian community respond effectively in boldness and truth but tempered by grace.

Today, most Christians either don’t speak up or they do so in a way that alienates and offends most unbelievers.  The reason for that is that most people today (both Christians and non Christians) don’t understand the importance of effective communication.  In addition, there is a social trend that seeks to empower the individual, but neglects to take into account the responsibility for the fall out when their communication method is offensive.  Many of today’s Christians believe that since God’s Word is offensive to some, they are justified or even expected to be offensive in their delivery.  I can’t tell you how many times I have heard an unbeliever utter something like, “If that’s a Christian, I sure don’t want to be one!”

What happens when we share our faith in one of the many wrong ways is what I believe has taken us to a place where people no longer even want to discuss the issue and where most Christians don’t try.  Some of the methods taught today in the church are not only ineffective, but counterproductive.  I know, because I grew up in an Atheist home and my family is of Jewish heritage.  I know what the religious discussions look like from the inside and I have a heart to give my insight to the Christian community in order to help us drive more people to the Lord instead of away from Him as is currently the norm.

As is often said, we may be the only Bible some people ever read.  We are an example and people are watching us.  My prayer is to raise up a community of Bible believing saints to share the Word of God in such a way that we are privileged to hear a comment like my daughter recently recieved in praise of the way she graciously shared her faith.  “I wish all Christians were like you!”

Lastly, please cover Art of Eloquence in prayer as we embark on this year-long journey.  Every time we host an event, run a special or release a promo regarding our study, Say What You Mean: Defending the Faith , we have found ourselves under spiritual attack.  As we have prepared for a full year of focus on sharing and defending the faith, we have already encountered several challenges that have delayed us or created hurdles to climb.  In the last few months, my health has deteriorated, we have had computer problems, lap top issues, iPhone problems, email troubles, our website has been hacked three times, and my glasses mysteriously broke…and those are only the ones I can remember.  We’d appreciate your prayers as we devote a full year to preparing the faithful and the faith-filled in the Great Commission.

Please share this message with your friends and have them subscribe to our newsletter so we can reach even more of the Christian community in 2014! Thank you.

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Exaggeration Leaves Our Words Powerless

painI touched on this briefly in my post a couple weeks ago, Communication Lessons from Fairy Talesbut here is a more in depth look at this phenomenon.

Words like awesome, fabulous, I’m STARVING, DEAD TIRED… everyone says them, but most don’t truly mean them.  Are we desensitized to them so much now that these words don’t mean anything anymore?

When someone with thyroid disease or fibro says I’m exhausted.  Most think tired.

When someone is truly in pain and says it’s excruciating.  Most think it hurts.

When someone is clinically depressed or has had a death in the family and says depressed, most think sad.

What’s the danger in this?

1. Using inflammatory words too often will give the impression you aren’t truthful, trustworthy or accurate.

2. Society’s overuse of inflammatory and exaggerated words desensitizes us to the needs of those who are truly starving, exhausted or awesome.

3. We miss the opportunities we see each day to uplift someone in need because we assume they are merely, hungry, mildly tired, or simply average.

Think back to how many times you have used the following words: Starving, dead tired, exhausted, overwhelmed, ecstatic, awesome, fabulous, incredible, fantastic, really and VERY.  Did you really mean them or did you mean something less than that?

Now think back to the last time you heard someone else utter them.  Do you even have a clue if THEY meant them?  It’s getting harder to tell these days, isn’t it?

The next time you have a conversation with a friend, be careful to use accurate and descriptive words.  Be careful also to listen for clues to discern when your friend is exaggerating and when he or she is really in need of your support and prayer.  Here’s what to listen for:

1. Intonation

2. Body language

3. Facial expression

4. What you know of their past history and challenges

5. What you know of their personality

So many people are in need of our support.  Don’t miss an opportunity to be that for a friend or acquaintance.  You may be the only person who is really listening.

 

 

 

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What You Ought to Know about Me, Myself and I.

Another great YouTube video from the guys at WhatYouOughttoKnow. This one helps you remember Me, Myself and I. Enjoy!

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Communication Lessons from Fairy Tales

There are communication lessons for us in just about every area of life.  That’s because communication affects every aspect of our lives from birth to death and from relationships to business and ministry.

I’m starting a new segment on the Art of Eloquence blog each month called, Communication Lessons from Fairy Tales and this month I start with the most obvious:

Lessons from “The Boy Who Cried Wolf”

Everyone knows the story.  A boy cries wolf so often people no longer respond to his pleas and then, when a real wolf threatens him, nobody believes him enough to help when he really needs it.  We see this played out differently in the technological age where car alarms go off day and night and nobody responds because ten or twenty years ago everyone’s after market alarm was going off just because a bear roared in the woods.

The danger in crying wolf:

Most of us live in the city so we don’t cry wolf, but we do over dramatize things in order to manipulate people to give us what we want.  Wives do it with their husbands.  Friends do it to other friends and there have been some documented cases of Facebook users have been cried poverty asking for donations to their cause!

The dangers of this are obvious so I won’t go into detail here except to tell you to make sure you check your drama at the door before you use it.  It can backfire on you.

The danger in THINKING someone is crying wolf:

Because there are so many scams out there and because people do exaggerate these days, there is also a danger in appearing as if you are over dramatizing something when you aren’t.  Sally has Lupus.  Milly has Fibro. These are chronic illnesses which give their victims good and bad days.  When Sally or Milly talk about their challenges for years, there is a danger that their friends will disregard their needs or feelings because they’re tired of hearing it.  This leaves Sally and Milly without a support which makes their illness that much more debilitating.

The danger in crying wolf with your words:

Exaggeration is very common these days.  Mary says, “I’m EXHAUSTED!”  What she really means is she’s tired.  Fred says, I’m STARVING!”  What he really means is he’s hungry.

These inflated words are bantered around so often that when people who really are exhausted or starving say it, it doesn’t mean much to us anymore.

Be careful of the words you use and the drama you put into your communication.  Be careful, also, to look closely at other people when they seem overly dramatic.  They may not be crying wolf and need your understanding and support.

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New trend in advertising is to sound as if you are cursing but aren’t

There is a new trend in advertising to sound as IF you are cursing, but aren’t actually using those words.  This greatly bothers me.  For example, here is a booking.com commercial.

Here’s another one from Fresh and Easy Market:

They can’t think of a better creative way to market their products without using obvious substitutes for curse words?  This commercial is on during family time.  What is this teaching our children?  Do they think they don’t get it? Shame on them!

Now, I’m not one who says all words that take the place of swear words are bad.  Most of those words don’t bring the image of swear words. They are creative and fun alternatives to saying whoops!  Like oh snap, fiddle sticks, etc.  But this is blatant, obvious and while creative, not very inventive.

What say you?

 

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Ask JoJo: Should parents address slang?

FIMM computerThere is a culture today where these young people use their own language and spellings such as ‘dis is mahh beautiful baby girl’ and ‘sumpin Is wrong wit dis Pictures’ (I actually took these from a couple of FB  pages of folks I know) and then there is the texting culture with abbreviated words. I know groups use their own slang to communicate with each other, but I wonder if there is a need to be concerned about  spillover into regular communication which could be cause problems… ie: job interviews, applications, etc. and how should a parent address this issue, if at all?”  -Joan

Studies show that slang and text speak has already been creeping its way into the workplace and school.  High school teachers and college professors complain that this slang or shorthand has been seen in reports.  Many employers have also complained that these practices have been rearing their ugly heads in emails to coworkers and also to customers.

I believe it was GoDaddy who had to send a formal apology to their customers when a cryptic email was sent out to their customers causing mass confusion as well as a less than professional appearance.  It cost the company quite a bit of money to rectify, in fact.

Parents should address the issue of appropriate communication with their children to let them know that the informal slang and texting shortcuts are not appropriate for school or the workplace.  They should address the consequences of these practices and how they may result in a poor grade in school and not being considered for a job or a promotion.  I suggest parents take a look at our study, Say What You Mean When You’re in Business as well as any of our high school/teen studies to help educate children on this vital issue.  Their career, happiness and relationships all rest on their ability to communicate effectively for each unique situation in which they find themselves.

 

NOTE: Don’t forget to submit your communication questions to jojo@artofeloquence.com for my monthly Ask JoJo section of my blog.  I’ll pick one question per month to answer right here on the blog!  You can ask anything related to communication skills from a tip on how not to be nervous making a speech to what games your kids can play that will help them hone their communication skills and even if your website or blog is clearly written!

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If you liked this post, read…Seven Reasons Why YOU Should Sign Up for the Art of Eloquence Newsletter!

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Wright the Wrongs: Rewrite These Faux Facebook Statuses

painRewrite these (mostly) faux Facebook statuses so they are written in proper English.

1. goin fishin ltr

2. r u kidding me?????

3 IDK

4. marry had a litle lamb chop4 diner

5. bet u didnt’ fin her their when u got they’re i know you mustv lookd for a looooooooooong tim ?will u do now?

 

NOTE: Don’t forget to submit your communication questions to jojo@artofeloquence.com for my monthly Ask JoJo section of my blog.  I’ll pick one question per month to answer right here on the blog!  You can ask anything related to communication skills from a tip on how not to be nervous making a speech to what games your kids can play that will help them hone their communication skills and even if your website or blog is clearly written!

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If you liked this post, read…Seven Reasons Why YOU Should Sign Up for the Art of Eloquence Newsletter!

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Riddle Me This?

stupid questionRiddles exercise our brain and help us hone sharpen our skills which, in turn, help us to communicate more effectively.  Riddles help us to read between the lines, think out of the box and pay close attention to work our listening skills.  See if you can figure it out without scrolling down to find the answer.  In fact, this is a great riddle for kids as well so grab your little ones and see how well they can do!

 

Q: What comes down, but never goes up?

S

C

R

O

L

L

 

D

O

W

N

 

A: Rain

Did you get it?  Leave a comment and share your experiences!

 

NOTE: Don’t forget to submit your communication questions to jojo@artofeloquence.com for my monthly Ask JoJo section of my blog.  I’ll pick one question per month to answer right here on the blog!  You can ask anything related to communication skills from a tip on how not to be nervous making a speech to what games your kids can play that will help them hone their communication skills and even if your website or blog is clearly written!

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If you liked this post, read…Seven Reasons Why YOU Should Sign Up for the Art of Eloquence Newsletter!

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Hardest Part About Being a Mom is Keeping Them Alive?!

The hardest part about being a mom is I have to keep a human being alive.”  Seriously?!  Pretty Wicked Moms is a “reality show” on Lifetime that is not to be taken seriously. However, when I saw the preview for this, the mom in me was highly insulted.  And I think all moms should be…all REAL moms I should say.  Not only that, but I felt as if so many moms I run into on the street these days seem to have taken this line to heart.  My thoughts on the matter:

If you think that just keeping your child alive is the hard part, you’re not really a mom. You’re a baby sitter, a care giver, a trained monkey mom, but you aren’t a real mom no matter what reality show you’re in!  Keeping a human being alive is the EASY part!  There’s nothing much to it.  A real mom loves, educates, trains, reprimands, prepares, supports and prays over her child!  A real mom instills values, trains up a child in the way he should go, and tells him about God and how much he is loved by Him.  A real mom is so much more than just someone who makes sure little Johnny is fed and wears the latest baby clothes.  A real mom takes more than that. It takes heart and often blood, sweat and tears.

baby faceThis line of thinking is a dangerous idea to adopt as your children will suffer.  If you think your job is just to keep them alive, you are missing the most important part of motherhood and you are depriving your child of love, nurturing, education, preparation, self esteem, and so much more.

You may be thinking that’s not me, but so many of us moms are so tired and overwhelmed that we forget that we are here to do more than just keep our children safe.  Have you hugged your son today?  Have you taught him, instead of doing it FOR him?  Have you spent time getting to know your teen?  Have you asked your daughter how she feels about things? Have you talked more about your Me Time? Have you posted on Facebook that you can’t wait for school to start so the kids aren’t under foot?

I think we have all fallen for this line of thinking at times.  May God keep us moms on the straight and narrow to be the role model, teacher, and supporter that God expects of us and not a woman who is more concerned with her own needs that she neglects the needs of the precious souls God put in our care.

NOTE: Don’t forget to submit your communication questions to jojo@artofeloquence.com for my monthly Ask JoJo section of my blog.  I’ll pick one question per month to answer right here on the blog!  You can ask anything related to communication skills from a tip on how not to be nervous making a speech to what games your kids can play that will help them hone their communication skills and even if your website or blog is clearly written!

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If you liked this post, read…Seven Reasons Why YOU Should Sign Up for the Art of Eloquence Newsletter!

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