I’m not White; I’m JoJo

This week’s misused words are black and white as they are used to describe people.   I really don’t like labels.  People are so much more than the labels we want to put on them.  God made individuals with various and wondrous complexities, not a bunch of stereotypes that fit a few predetermined molds.

When I look at someone, I don’t see the color of their skin, their gender, marital status or nationality.  I see a unique person with views, ideas, likes and dislikes, talents and hang-ups, strengths and weaknesses, needs and gifts all his own.  I see someone I might learn from, someone I might be of help to and someone I might connect with.

From the time of my youth, people have looked at me and underestimated me, put me in boxes and were confused when I didn’t quite fit.  Though I’m all of 5′ nuthin’, I am quite resourceful and have found ways to reach the unreachable star.  ;D  I also looked very young until recently when my children have noticed I’m getting very old. lol  Due to my lack of height and my child-like face and voice, most people thought I was quite young until I was well into my thirties.  While sitting on a bench outside the elementary school where my dd attended, a teacher asked me to go inside until my mommy arrived!  ROFL

Looking at me, many decided the soft spoken, short, young girl they saw was weak and clueless.  While buying a used car, a much younger (and considerably taller) salesman actually patted me on the head!   Today, I’m rather independent and quite outgoing.  I never did quite fit in with my peers, especially as a young girl.  I was not your typical teenager and I am a fairly odd duck as a more mature adult.  I didn’t vaccinate my son, I homeschool, work from home, am one of the only Christians in my extended family and I’m quite mad about purple.   Just about everything I own is purple.  I’m an odd, PURPLE duck.

Having been misjudged so often in my life, based mostly on my outward appearance, I am conscious of the complexities of each of God’s children.  So it really bothers me to put people into little boxes, especially on something so superficial and irrelevant as skin color.  And it often doesn’t serve me or them to do so.  Here’s what I mean.

I can understand that if I’m going to be meeting you for the first time, you might want to know what I look like so you can recognize me.  So I guess I’d be the white woman with long, reddish hair and glasses wearing purple EVERYTHING!  ;D   However, if you think about it, the terms we use for skin color aren’t really very descriptive at all.  I’ve never met a truly white person nor have I ever met a truly black person.  Most of us are shades of tan or brown.  I must admit, try as I might, my legs might be about the closest thing to white of any white person…except for the blue veins which would be much less obvious if my legs were a bit more tan or brown!

I’ve heard some people with very dark brown skin complain about the term African American because their ancestors were not from Africa.  So that term isn’t descriptive either.

Another issue is how to report yourself if you happen to be of mixed race or ethnicity.  We were filling forms out for our daughter to enter college and had a hard time finding the box she fit into.  My husband was born in Mexico and I’m of Russian descent.  So I suppose our children are “Ruxican.”  Curiously, there was no Ruxican box on the form.  lol  There really was no box for her to check that made sense.  If you were considering only her coloring, she is more white than not, though she is much more tan than I am.  If you are considering her Mexican side, she didn’t have a category.  They did have an “Other than White,” but she really is half white, so that didn’t make sense.

In 2000, the US Census Bureau had these races listed: White, Black or African American, American Indian or Alaska Native, Asian, Native Hawaiian and Other Pacific Islander, Some Other Race and Two or More Races.  Some Other Race includes Mexican, Puerto Rican or Cuban.  That sounds rather like an afterthought, doesn’t it?  Some Other Race?  Your race isn’t important enough to have a name…  ROFL

I am so much more than my skin color, gender, age, shoe size or illness.  Aren’t you?    Have you ever been at a hospital and heard the doctors and nurses talk about a patient as “the cancer case in room 27” or “the sprained ankle in bed 5?”  Referring to a person as the sum total of their illness sounds completely ridiculous.  Referring to people by the color of their skin is equally as ridiculous.

I’m more than the lack of color in my skin, the lack of height in my stature, my insomnia or thyroid problem.  I’m much more than the sum total of my outward appearance (thankfully) as I age.  I’m silly, I’m full of fun, I love to sing, I don’t like the smell of melted American cheese.  I’m a writer, a dreamer, a daughter of the Lord.  I have small feet and small hands, no torso to speak of and large thighs.  I’m a daughter and I’m a mother. I’m a friend and I’m a wife.  I’m a sister and an aunt and don’t really like to dance. I am so much more than what you see and so are you.  I’m not white; I’m JoJo.  How about you?

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula, including Say What You Mean Defending the Faith.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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What is old?

Today is Word Wednesday here on Communication FUNdamentals and it’s also my birthday!  According to my kids, I’m old.  In fact, my dd has been calling me ancient since she was about 3yrs old.  She’s now 20, I’m currently celebrating the 30th anniversary of my 18th birthday and you can do the math on that one!

Old is another one of those words that has been misused in my, perhaps seasoned, opinion.  I mean, what is old anyway?  If you ask a 3 y/o what old is, she’ll probably say twenty.  If you ask a 20 y/o, she’ll probably say 30.  If you ask a 48 y/o she’ll probably say, “Hey! Are you calling me old?!”  Besides, what is an old person now-a-days isn’t old compared to Biblical times.  Methuselah!  Now there’s a man who was old!  I think most people today would consider an 80 or 90 y/o to be “old.”

But “old” is a relative term anyway.  How old is an old car?  After five years, when the warranty runs out, YOU consider it old, dontcha?  Okay, but what if you’re in the market for a used car?  How old is old?  Ten, fifteen years?  Surely, you wouldn’t buy a used car that was 80 or 90 years old?  Well, you might, but you’d pay a much higher price…and they’d use a slightly different term for it: Antique!  Funny how old vs antique can look vastly different:

But it gets even worse than that!  If you put an ad in the Recycler selling your old computer, you’d be hard-pressed to find a buyer if they knew it was 15 years old!   Even five years is OLD for anything electronic.  And don’t get me started on food!  I wouldn’t touch an old donut with an old ten foot pole!

As an added bit of fun, I include this video for your giggling pleasure.  My father sent this to me for my birthday.  He’s got a fabulous sense of humor.  It’s just too stinkin’ funny and appropriate for me NOT to include it here today.  I sometimes feel like I’m falling apart in my old age…Enjoy!

So, today’s my birthday and I’m 48 years old, young!   Whether you’re older or younger than I am, please leave me a birthday note.  Feel free to sing!

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Everything’s Obvious…Unless it Isn’t!

By JoJo (What does the “D” and the fence mean?) Tabares

[This week’s Word Wednesday post is brought to you by the word “obvious” and the number of times it isn’t.]

I’m five foot nuthin’ so when someone doesn’t notice me standing in front of the sales counter, I don’t always blame them.  I’m easy to miss.  Last Sunday at church, I saw a young man who was drawing some amount of attention at the entrance.  As my father has been known to say, he had a serious case of TALL!  I think I came up to his belt buckle.  ;D  At five foot and no inches, I’m not so obvious.  But as I’ll share with you in just a moment, not everything is as obvious as we might think and some things are more obvious than we care to admit.

Continuing with my Word Wednesday series of misused words, I give you the word “obvious” which can mean almost anything from “Everything I notice should be patently obvious to you!” to  “I’m sorry. I didn’t happen to notice the big, pink elephant in the living room!”

My dh uses the word obvious often because it’s always obvious to him that “when you’re headed south, the sun should be over your left shoulder in the afternoon.” or was that the right shoulder in the evening?  Maybe that was Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory with the lead pipe?  Is that really obvious to everyone?  How many directionally challenge folks do we have out there who have no clue how to tell west from south especially when the 101E goes south? Some things that are obvious to us are not, in fact, obvious to others.  I was born without that direction gene.  Either that or it fell out of my ear when my mother burped me as an infant. It’s not “obvious” to me and since we’ve been married for 23 years during which time I’ve asked him  for directions to back out of our driveway, I thought that would be rather “obvious” to HIM by now!

My dh also has a habit of nodding one way when he means for me to look in another direction.  It seems to be a family thing for my SIL does the same thing and seems to understand that it’s “obvious” that when he nods left, he really means for you to look to your right.  Is it, also, obvious when your dh said he’d be home at 5pm for dinner, but decided to work late that day because he told you six months ago that his boss would probably be leaving for China?

Soooo…everything is “obvious”…unless it just isn’t!  But what about the other side of the coin?

Did you just say you were a tulip on a cow train? I know I wasn’t really paying attention to you and little Billy was screaming something about a jewel up on a mountain, but you should be more clear when you speak! In case you were wondering, there actually is communication arithmetic: 1 speaker + 1 listener = effective communication.  Yes, it’s true that the communication breaks down when the one speaker isn’t clear.  It’s also true that it does so when the one listener really isn’t paying attention.  Someone can send a clear message which gets scrambled during translation on the listener’s end.

Ever have those days when your brain just doesn’t work right.  I sure have!  In my peri-menopausal state as a busy work at home-school mom, I have had occasions when my “listen button” is defective.  Or times when I read something and completely miss the very “obvious” and clear point being made.  That’s because I’m listening with my brain in fast forward.  My fault.  I hate it when that happens because I have to admit to the speaker or writer that I was just too preoccupied with my own stuff to have paid closer attention to what they were trying to tell me.   It almost says to them, at that moment in my life, they weren’t important enough for me to give them due attention.  :(

So what do we do when things aren’t as “obvious” as we thought or when things were much more “obvious” than we’d like to admit?  Admit it and rectify it!  If your email pal points out how you never did give her a time for the party, admit it and give her the answer she seeks.  Don’t tell her it was “obvious” because you had talked about this party only six months ago!  lol  Conversely, if you missed her party because you didn’t notice the invitation in the mail (the one marked 3x in red pen with “6pm Friday, February 6, 2010”), please don’t blame the host for not calling you on Thursday night to remind you.  You missed it!  Admit it, apologize, move on.

Everything in life is obvious…unless it isn’t!  Be wise enough to know the difference and gracious enough to admit when you are wrong.

Oh, if you’re wondering about the “D” and the fence…  I don’t usually watch football (I can see some of you already laughing at me, but for those of you who still don’t know why, I’ll continue).  My son was playing PoP Warner football a few years ago.  I don’t understand much about football except that the Minnesota Vikings have purple uniforms and my 46 lb son could fly several yards during a scrimmage.  So my son wasn’t on the field and I was bored.  Looking around at the crowd, I saw someone holding up a wooden letter “D” and a tiny little wooden fence.  Naturally, I turned to my dh to clue me in, “Why is that man holding a “D” and a fence?  (Okay so now more of you are laughing at me, but for those as clueless as I was, I refer you to the meaning of the word “Defense.”)  You are now free to giggle hysterically.

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula, including Say What You Mean Defending the Faith.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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My Reasons vs Your Excuses

If Shakespeare can do it, so can I!  I just invented a word: “reascuses” (ree-sku’-sez).  “Reascuses” are when the line between reasons and excuses is intentionally blurred.  “Reascuses” are…well… Take a look at my latest JoJoism:

JoJoism#49 “A reason is what I have for not doing something for you.  An excuse is what you have for not doing something for me.”  JoJoisms: Revealing Life’s Truths…as i think of ’em!

My reasons are often in conflict with your excuses and so the lines are blurred to make the excuses appear more like they are reasons.  Any excuse I give is really a reason and any reason you give, if it conflicts with what I want to hear, is an excuse!

For example, when I want you to come to my party on Saturday and you say the reason you can’t come is because you have to help your mother move, that’s really an excuse because you can’t help her move ALL DAY!  I happen to know that your mother goes to bed by 8pm every night.  You’ll HAVE to be done by then and the party will be going on til at least 2am!  And what do you mean you’ll be tired?

Merriam Webster defines reason as “a rational ground or motive”, “sufficient ground of explanation or of logical defense” or a “cause.”  Excuse is defined as “something offered as justification or as grounds for being excused” or an “apology.”  So a reason Sarah broke the vase is because she was a bit careless.  An excuse for why Sarah shouldn’t be held accountable for the broken vase is because her mom shouldn’t have put a vase where Sarah was not likely to notice it.

I once was a Claim’s Rep for a large insurance company.  My insured phoned to say he had rear-ended someone.  His “reason” was that she was illegal and shouldn’t have been in the country anyway.  If she hadn’t been in the country illegally and driving a car without a driver’s license and hadn’t stopped for no reason in the middle of the freeway, he wouldn’t have hit her.  While this may be true, it’s an excuse, not a reason.  It didn’t change the fact that he and his insurance company were responsible for her damages.  He should have noticed that her car stalled in front of him.  He should have been traveling far enough behind her to have given him enough room to stop after noticing she was slowing down to a stop.

“Reascuses” are quickly replacing reasons in our society.  Why?  Because nobody wants to take responsibility for hurting another.  Very few people leave a note on a car they accidentally hit on the way out of a parking space.  They don’t want to be financially responsible for the damages so they create a “reascuse” that says it’s okay because it’s just a little dent and nobody will ever know.  It’s not like I meant to do it!  It’s not like I can afford to pay for it.  And besides, he’d probably do the same to me.  I have four dents in my car from where other people ran into me and never owned up and those dents are MUCH BIGGER than the one I left on this guy’s car.  His car already has dents on it and it’s an old car anyway.  He probably would just take the money and never get the car fixed anyway!

The problem with “reascuses” is that they build expectations of behavior in others that set us up for misunderstandings, conflicts and hard feelings that may never be resolved.    If any reason you give for not coming to my party is simply an excuse and unacceptable, that leaves very little wiggle room for anyone when life happens.  If Sally doesn’t come to my party, she is a bad friend.  If Sally doesn’t help her mother move, she’s a bad daughter.  If Sally does both, she’s a bad employee because she’ll be tired all day Saturday when her boss planned for their staff meeting.  Poor Sally can’t win!

Today’s society justifies bad behavior and ill treatment with “reascuses” based on the belief that what I need and want always takes precedence over what others need and want.  And freedom of speech means that not only do I have the right to voice my opinions, but I have the right to make you agree with me.  Hubert Humphrey once said, “The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.” We have the freedom to speak, but others have the freedom to accept or reject our thought process.  That’s why communication requires skill.  It takes some amount of skill to express yourself in a way that others will understand you, accept what you say and allow it to persuade their actions in your favor.

If we are going to pit my reasons against your excuses, my reasons will always win in my mind and your excuses will always triumph in yours.  If we truly wish to communicate effectively, we’ll both need to explain ourselves in the light of truth. And the truth is that there are many reasons why things happen in life.  Some of them may not seem valid to us from where we sit and some of them may only seem valid to us from where we sit.

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication.  Her Christian and humorous approach to communication skills has made her a sought after speaker.  JoJo’s articles have appeared in various homeschool magazines and websites such as Dr. Laura.com.  Her Say What You Mean curricula is endorsed by The Old Schoolhouse Magazine and her eBook, Say What You Mean When You’re in Business, has been used by direct sales leaders and small business owners alike.  For more information, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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Literally is Literally the Most Overused Word

Literally, according to Merriam Webster, the word “literally” literally means:

Main Entry: lit·er·al·ly
Pronunciation: ?li-t?-r?-l?, ?li-tr?-l?, ?li-t?r-l?
Function: adverb
Date: 1533

1 : in a literal sense or manner : actually <took the remark literally> <was literally insane>
2 : in effect : virtually <will literally turn the world upside down to combat cruelty or injustice — Norman Cousins>


Usage: Since some people take sense 2 to be the opposite of sense 1, it has been frequently criticized as a misuse. Instead, the use is pure hyperbole intended to gain emphasis, but it often appears in contexts where no additional emphasis is necessary.

People use the word “literally” when they literally mean it actually, really, literally happened. And it has become literally accepted to literally use the word “literally” as emphasis.  Unfortunately, the overuse of the word “literally” has literally moved the word “literally” into literal oblivion leaving it literally bereft of all meaning.

So the word “literally” can sometimes literally mean literally the opposite of what the word “literally” literally means, however, it can be literally overused to the point where the word “literally” literally means nothing much whatever…literally.

Words mean things, don’t they?  Stay tuned for next week’s edition of Word Wednesday featuring another misused word or term.

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Planning a Staycation this year?

There’re some new words in town

and they’ve put ’em in the dictionary!

According to Merriam Webster, 25 new words were added to the dictionary in 2009.  Do you know what they mean?  Try your hand and see how “Hip”, “Mod”, “New” and “Happening” you are!

I’ll post the answers (as a comment to this post) tomorrow so y’all come on back!

1.  acai
2. carbon footprint
3. cardioprotective
4. earmark
5. fan fiction
6. flash mob
7. frenemy
8. goji
9. green-collar
10. haram
11. locavore
12. memory foam
13. missalette
14. naproxen
15. neuroprotective
16. pharmacogenetics
17. physiatry
18. reggaeton
19. shawarma
20. sock puppet
21. staycation
22. vlog
23. waterboarding
24. webisode
25. zip line

Don’t forget to join us tomorrow morning 8am PST/11am EST for some Grace Talk Soup as Ethel the Editor shares 5 Quick Fixes to Instantly Improve Your Writing!  AND we may give you some clues to the meanings of these words during the show!!

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Help! Ethel the Editor took over my blog!

WORDY WEDNESDAY

Help!  Ethel the Editor not only took over Carla’s blog today, she hijacked mine, to boot!  The only problem is our dear Ethel only left me the words and NOT the answers.  To find out the meaning of these words, follow Ethel’s blackmail note below:  It mysteriously appeared on my blog sometime in the middle of the night!.

TO:  JoJo

FROM:  Ethel the Editor

SUBJECT:  Wordy Wednesday

Sorry, JoJo, but your blog is mine today.  bwahahaha!!!  And get this. . . so is Carla’s.  I’m gonna stump your readers today.  How?  With E-words!!!  You write e-books, you and Carla send way too many e-mails, you send out an e-newsletter and the best thing. . . Ethel starts with “E”!!!!!  So here’s five great E-words for you and your audience.  The only problem is, to see what these words mean, you will have to go to an online dictionary or, the easier way, just go to Carla’s blog:  http://lifeloveandlunacy.blogspot.com . . . oh, excuse me. . . I mean ETHEL’S BLOG!!!  Here’s the words.  I’m betting that YOU don’t know what they mean.  Maybe some of your readers do?  I’m betting that your smarty pants daughter, you know, the almost sophomore at Vanderbilt University knows them all. . . so under no circumstances are you to show this post to her!!!  If you do, I just may have to hijack FIMM next time!!!

(1)  epexegesis
(2)  epigone
(3)  epigeal
(4)  exiguous
(5)  expunge

REMEMBER:  The answers can be found at any online dictionary site or at Carla’s blog. . . or make that ETHEL’S BLOG. . . http://lifeloveandlunacy.blogspot.com

Watch out, JoJo. . . Ethel is beginning to love blogging and I may claim more than one day in the future!  The next time you get a memo, it may be from Ethel the Editor, GUEST BLOGGER at ARTOFELOQUENCE.COM!!!
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