Ask JoJo: Facebook Communication

JoJo SeptIt’s that time of the month for our brand new feature, Ask JoJo, where my readers email in their communication questions and I answer them.  Our first communication question comes from Christina who asks this question about Facebook communication:

I occasionally comment on things I disagree with (not always, just now and than), sometimes to discuss it, and sometimes just to state my opinion. But, people either try to debate me (rather than just discussing or talking about it) or insult me. Today, I posted a comment merely asking for proof for something and when no one gave me any, and I merely stated that my opinion hadn’t changed because of it. Someone claimed I wasn’t convinced, and was a waste of time to talk to:’because I’m home-schooled and live in a different realm.

How would you respond to this and what do you think is the best way to try and avoid these situations altogether? Beside, never commenting or avoiding discussions and debates, altogether.

I try to handle these things, with grace and humility, as well as patience, but I obviously must do something wrong, otherwise why would I always get such negativity? I understand, that it would be hard to pinpoint, since you haven’t witnessed the conversations, I’ve with these people. But I figure since you know a lot about communication and have more experience, you could give some pointers or tips. As you have probably experienced or witnessed this sort thing, at some point. :)

This is a fabulous question!  While I don’t know the full details of this particular situation, I can help you with some general insights and tips.

Background:

I don’t see anything you asked that was wrong. Some people are just looking for a fight or to disagree.  People tend to be bolder and less interested in grace on the internet because they don’t have to see the faces of those they challenge, insult or hurt.  In addition, sometimes people take asking for the source of a story as an assault on them and they feel guilty for not checking it out. Instead of owning up to being a bit careless when posting a story, they feel challenged and so they lash out.

How I would respond to being in a different realm because of being homeschooled:

What school you attended is not at issue.  The issue raised was one of credibility and validity of the story.  It’s unwise to accept information at face value and, without knowing the source, information must be questioned.  You might put it this way:

I don’t understand what the school I attended has to do with my asking for verification of information.  I’m sure you would agree that it isn’t wise to accept everything at face value. I was only asking where I might find the source of the story before accepting it as truth.  So many things on the internet are either incorrect or even a pure hoax.

How you might be able to avoid this issue in the future:

Sometimes the words we choose to use can make all the difference.  In the future, you might choose to replace the word proof with source or say, “can you tell me where you found this info?”  It’s a matter of semantics, but presents a softer message.

Something else you can do is to look the title or subject line up on Snopes.com and post the link.  It would be hard for anyone to argue with that.

I pray this has helped you and my other readers who may have encountered similar situations.

NOTE: Don’t forget to submit your communication questions to jojo@artofeloquence.com for my monthly Ask JoJo section of my blog.  I’ll pick one question per month to answer right here on the blog!  You can ask anything related to communication skills from a tip on how not to be nervous making a speech to what games your kids can play that will help them hone their communication skills and even if your website or blog is clearly written!

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Three Common Mistakes Women Make in Business

If you read my recent blog post called, “Would You Spend $997 for An Unexplained Product?” a few weeks ago, you know what sparked my excitement about bringing you this new series of webinars!  In a nutshell, most webinars spend 45 minutes telling you why the host is so great and only 15 minutes telling you what you came to hear.  My free seminars were never like that.  They were packed with information, but these new webinars are going to be even better.  Our new webinars are going to be simply INCREDIBLE!

Packed with solid information that will help you and your family communicate more effectively in business, in leadership positions and in your personal life, these webinars are going to have some exciting new features.

The old seminars were audio only and limited to 20 or 30 minutes. These new webinars will be 60 minutes and will also include a slide show presentation you will be able to download and keep for reference.  This first webinar will be given at an introductory rate and will include a free copy of my eBook, Say What You Mean When You’re in Business– a $19.95 value!

This month’s topic is 15 Common Mistakes Women Make in Business.  I’m going to share just a tidbit of a preview for you here on the blog today, but our newsletter subscribers will get an exclusive preview of the webinar so make sure you are subscribed before tomorrow!  The details are on the bottom of this blog post.

Women tend to have a more difficult time communicating that they are serious business owners and, instead, project an image that their business is more of a hobby.  Some of that has to do with society’s view of women and their role in the workforce and some of it is the way in which we are taught to communicate.

Men are taught to be aggressive while women are taught to be nurturing.  The difference in what we communicate can be incredible.  It can be the difference between being profitable and wasting our precious time.  Here are three tips that will help women entrepreneurs become more effective business owners.

1. Seek out leadership opportunities in your community or online.
Women tend to socialize well, but they don’t tend to network very well.  The skills are similar, but networking is like socializing with a purpose.  It’s that purpose that women tend to shy away from so they socialize up until the point where they are comfortable talking about their business and asking for leadership opportunities.

2. Be assertive.
That brings us to being assertive.  While being aggressive isn’t a good thing, no business owner, female or otherwise, will get very far if they are not assertive.  As we discussed in the first tip, women need to take the opportunities that present themselves in order to communicate that they are a leader in their field.

3. Remember that this is business not a hobby.
Too many women entrepreneurs tend to introduce themselves as a wife and mother…oh and I do scrap booking on the side.  That screams HOBBY!  Would you even consider seeing a physician who introduced himself as a husband and father and oh he does brain surgery on the side?  Speak about your business like it’s a business not as if it’s a hobby.

For more information on exactly how to apply these three (plus one more) of the fifteen mistakes  I’ll be teaching during the webinar, make sure you are subscribed to our newsletter before tomorrow!  I’ll be sharing details about four of the fifteen tips from the upcoming webinar…but ONLY with my newsletter subscribers so make sure you are a subscriber before Tuesday.  Also I’ll be sharing the link to the page where you can read more about the webinar and sign up to attend.

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If you liked this post, read…Seven Reasons Why YOU Should Sign Up for the Art of Eloquence Newsletter

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June is Effective Communication Month

June is Effective Communication Month!  I found that out because my computer was electronically communicating with the world wide web the other day and I happened across a holiday website that told me so.  So…in honor of Effective Communication Month, I’m going to be posting about the areas of our every day lives that are affected by communication skills and giving you all some tips for each one.  Each day will focus on a different area of life.

I actually wanted to post an audio from a seminar I gave this past week. Unfortunately, TalkShoe didn’t work and play well with others that day.  There was some miscommunication between my technology and their technology and, well, it wasn’t pretty.  I’m working on re-recording it so I can have that for you later on this month.  Please pray the Technology Gremlins will keep their distance or that I can locate my Techno Gremlin Bug-Off Spray!

I thought I’d start Effective Communication Month out by sharing a fun video I found on YouTube of the history of communication technology.

By the way, June 1st is also Say Something Nice Day.  So please leave a comment!  ;D

 

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Public Speaking Tips for Overcoming Fear

Since this month is speech month here at Communication FUNdamentals, I thought I’d re-post an article I wrote a while back.  So many of you have emailed in to say how intimidating public speaking is.  Here is JoJo’s Rules for Overcoming Public Speaking Fear:

Public Speaking Tips for Overcoming Fear
By JoJo Tabares

Public speaking is the number one fear in America-even ahead of DEATH. People make all kinds of excuses for not taking an opportunity to show others what they have to offer whether it be in a large, formal setting, an intimate gathering or just speaking up for what they believe in.

Studies show that those who like making speeches are more successful and make more money. Here are a few tips that can make all the difference in overcoming fear before a presentation:

  1. Know your topic well! Do your research. Get your facts straight. The more you are familiar with what you are going to say, the more comfortable you will feel and the easier it will be to get up in front of others and deliver your message.
  2. Practice until you are comfortable. The more familiar you are with the flow and content of your presentation, the more comfortable you will feel. The less you have to worry about when you make a speech, the more comfortable you will be. Make sure to practice your presentation fully by including your props or videos in your practice sessions. If you don’t, you may be flustered when a prop isn’t as easily handled during the presentation as you thought it would be.
  3. Know your audience. Try to get some information about your audience so that you know how to tailor your message. Are you speaking to all women? Do they have young children? How does that impact your message? This can avoid the blank
    stares you may receive if you talk over their heads or address an issue they don’t deal with. It can also avoid the proverbial “sticking your foot in your mouth”.
  4. Try to go to the room where you will be speaking ahead of time and get a feel for it. Based on the size of the room and whether or not you will have a microphone, think about how loud you will need to be in order to be heard. Look for any electrical outlets and make sure they are where you will need them. Will there be enough room for everything you are bringing with you? Look to see if you will have a podium or place to put down your notes or props.
  5. Remember that an audience is usually pulling for a speaker to do well mostly because they too have a fear of public speaking and they are just glad it isn’t them up there! They want you to present well. More than likely they are very eager to hear what you have to say!
  6. If you make a mistake- just move on. Everyone makes mistakes so expect mistakes to happen, but it is your reaction that makes the difference. Your audience doesn’t expect you to be slick or perfect. They only ask that you be genuine. If you give the wrong statistic, if the video machine doesn’t work, if you trip…just move on. Making a big deal out of it only magnifies the mistake and communicates that you are inexperienced. You can even make a joke out of it. “I guess I didn’t put enough glue on my fingers this morning!”
  7. Remember that God gave you something unique to say…let others hear it!

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

For more articles on communication skills and public speaking, visit our JoJo’s Articles page!

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Vote: Your favorite article of 2010

Over the last year, I’ve written tons of articles for the blog.  Here is a very short list.  I’d love to hear which ones are your favorites and why.  You never know if these articles will be expanded to a full eBook in the future!  ;D

1. The Case for Wrinkles

2. Ten Terrific Tips for a Less Trying Tongue

3. What Kind of Communication is Most Confusing to You?

4. You Might be a Skimmer…

5. Nitpicker’s Anonymous

6. Weasel Words

7. How to Win Facebook Friends and Influence Tweeple

We’d love your feedback!  Won’t you cut in on the blog spammers and give us your thoughts?  LOL

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Ten Terrific Tips for a Less Trying Tongue

“Be not careless in deeds, nor confused in words, nor rambling in thought.” -Marcus Aelius Aurelius

When we communicate in a confusing way we create uncertainty, hesitation, misunderstanding and offense.  What follows can be hurt feelings, anger and even a dissolution of relationships.  However, being more clear and precise in our speech just takes a little training.  Here are just a few very simple tips for speaking more clearly. In other words…Ten Terrific Tips for a less Trying Tongue.

1. Put Yourself in Your Audience’s Shoes

Trust me.  They won’t mind sharing!  Think about the people to whom you are speaking.  What would they expect?  What might they already know about what you are about to share?  What might they need explained?  What examples would be appropriate, fun, expected, offensive, confusing?

2. Understand their Knowledge of the Topic

Mind reading is an admirable skill, but it doesn’t take magic.  God gives us powers of discernment in order that we use them to help us identify and relate to others.  If you know that Uncle Mortimer doesn’t have a background in computers, you might anticipate that he’d need a wee bit more explanation when you advise him of how to program his Outlook Calendar.

3. Anticipate Questions they Might Have

If Uncle Mortimer doesn’t have a great deal of knowledge about computers, he might not even know what questions he should ask in order for you to help him with his Outlook Calendar.  Since you understand how Outlook works, it would be helpful to Uncle Mortimer (and less time consuming for the conversation) if you anticipated what questions he might have as you instruct him.

4. Splain

For those of you not familiar with Ricky Ricardo, that translates “Explain.”  You may need to explain things you never thought you’d need to depending upon the person(s) you are speaking with and their familiarity with the topic.  Sometimes a simple background before you begin will clear things up immensely.

5. Be brief

When things are complicated, it’s best to be as brief as possible to avoid overwhelming your audience with too much information.  Too much information on a topic someone is completely unfamiliar with can cause confusion even if you explain it well.

6. Don’t Use Technical Terms

One of the fastest ways to confuse someone who has no background in a topic is to use jargon and technical terms.  While you may need to educate him on a term here and there in order to get Uncle Mortimer to find the link you’re talking about, don’t confuse him with additional technical terms that would be more clear if stated using a word he is already familiar with.

7. Don’t Mumble

I’m sure your mother always told you this, but it bears repeating.  As the use of technology has grown into a way of communication life, we have gotten away from what our mothers always told us.  We get lazy and forget to speak clearly.  While mumbling may not adversely affect your in-person conversations about the latest movie release, it could be a source of frustration when talking with Uncle Mortimer who’s having a hard enough time following where to click.

8. E NUN CI ATE

Especially if you find yourself on the phone, but even in person it’s best to enunciate your words in order to avoid “frustratin the begeebers outta yur uncle o’s havin a hard ‘nough time jus tryin a follow along.”

9. Don’tSpeakSoQuicklyThatYourWordsAllRunTogether

And while you’re at it, try not to “smashallyourwordstogether.”   And for the love of clarity don’t combine 8 and 9! “YullbefrustratinUncleMortys’muche’llavacow.”

10. Remain Calm

The most important way to be clear is to remain calm and go with the flow.  Some get so frustrated when someone doesn’t understand them that they begin to frustrate and confuse the other party even more.  Give grace and allow for human error as you go through your conversations.  You’ll probably find a simple way to make yourself understood in no time.

Well, there you have it.  Ten Terrific Tips for a Less Trying Tongue in order that you don’t Trip the Tongue Fantastic. Tune in next time when you’ll have more communication fun than tongue can tell.

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication.  Her Christian and humorous approach to communication skills has made her a sought after speaker.  JoJo’s articles have appeared in various homeschool magazines and websites such as Dr. Laura.com.  Her Say What You Mean curricula is endorsed by The Old Schoolhouse Magazine and her eBook, Say What You Mean When You’re in Business, has been used by direct sales leaders and small business owners alike.  For more information, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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Free tips on conflict resolution

My friend, Penny Raine, is having Favorite Friday Freebies on her blog.  She is posting all the free and nearly free items she can find.  Too cool, huh?  She’s asked others to help her find freebies.

I have been offering freebies, gifts and special offers to my newsletter subscribers.  These are all things that are ONLY available for my subscribers.  Well, this month I have started to give away a series of articles on conflict.  I have been giving away tips you can use to avoid conflicts or to resolve conflicts with family, friends and business acquaintances.  These articles will eventually be compiled and turned into a book on conflict, but you can gain all the benefits of my experience right now by simply subscribing to my newsletter, “What’s New at Art of Eloquence?”   The newsletter is free and we will NEVER sell or give away your email address!

In addition to this exclusive series on conflict, you will receive other freebies, special gifts and exclusive offers ONLY for our subscribers.  Click here to subscribe!

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