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Praise and Thank You

May 4, 2011 by Art of Eloquence

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Continuing with Praise Week here on Communication FUNdamentals! On Monday I shared about a recent study that was done on the need for praise in order to boost self-esteem. With so many people feeling overworked like this woman here, the need for praise is greater, but we no longer have as much free time to give it away to others. However, it’s important to praise and compliment-even if it is just to say thank you, but how do we do that effectively? This is an article I wrote a while back called…

The Power of Thank You!
By JoJo Tabares

Did you ever notice how little kids show appreciation? My son comes to me several times a day and says things like “I love you! You are the best mommy in the whole world!” The conviction of his words and the look on his face as he utters them are what touch my heart! That’s what true appreciation is.

Most of us teach our children to say thank you, but few of us really understand its power. Showing appreciation is not only etiquette, but it is a responsibility especially during the holidays.

I was privileged to have been in the audience when Florence Littauer was speaking on “Silver Boxes”. It’s what she calls her philosophy on appreciation and edification. She quotes Ephesians 4:29. “Do not let any
unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” She says that words are like a gift we give others that come in little silver boxes with bows on top. This is how we should show proper appreciation.

Many of us remember to say thank you when we get a gift, but often forget to show others appreciation for the things they do for us on a daily basis. And just how much appreciation does our “Thank You” show?

“Gee thanks” isn’t much of a Thank You. “Gee thanks” is what is interpreted when you say…”Thanks for the gift Aunt Millie!” or even “I love it!” Even if your voice is excited and your face lights up when you say it, it
can be empty. Why? Because in order for Aunt Millie to feel appreciated, she has to know what exactly you appreciate: The thought behind it? Money she spent? Time it took? Trouble she went to? And what exactly did you like about the gift: The features? The time it will save you?

A proper thank you is one in which you show as much time and trouble to give thanks as the person did in choosing your gift. Consider this: “Oh Aunt Millie! This is so generous of you! I can hardly believe it! This is a beautiful sweater and just the perfect color to go with the dress I was going to wear for my interview! Oh it feels so soft and I just love how it fits!” How much more appreciated does Aunt Millie feel now? Notice you haven’t even said the words “thank you”. It isn’t the words you speak; it’s the message it conveys that is important.

And how often should you thank Aunt Millie for this sweater? MORE THAN ONCE! I make it a point to wear my gift when I go visit the giver, call them on the phone when I am using it again, mention how I used it the other day and what a pleasure it was that I had it! NOW how appreciated does Aunt Millie feel?

What about all the thank yous that go unsaid to the people in our lives who do little things for us day after day? How many of us thank our mothers for raising us or our fathers for working so hard all those years we were growing up-not just on Mother’s and Father’s Day and not just a card or gift. How many of us have told our parents exactly what they did that we appreciate? Details! A Mother’s Day card once a year is an obligation. A letter or conversation regaling them with the details of what you appreciated about them over the years is true appreciation!

Is appreciation limited to our family? Many of us never thank our friends or associates for what they mean to us or do for us each day. How many of us belong to online communities? How many times have you emailed the owner of the list or site to thank them for all the behind the scenes work they do every day that allows you to participate, fellowship and learn?

Take your appreciation public. How much more appreciated do you think Annie would feel if you posted a public message of appreciation for all her hard work behind the scenes at your favorite Yahoo group?:

“I want to thank Annie for all the wonderful articles she posts each week! I have really learned a lot and I have used many of these articles as homeschool lessons for my children. Annie must work so hard to create all these fun activities and I want to thank her for donating her time and all the prizes and certificates she has given away over the years! This group has been such a blessing to me and I have had so much fun as a member. Thanks Annie!”

A little thank you goes a long way! If Annie was feeling a little frustrated by the time the group takes to maintain, I bet she has renewed vitality after your post! On the job, employers can get more out of their employees by showing them a little appreciation now and again. You can create a closer relationship with your family and friends by showing them how much you appreciate what they do for you.

Give the gift of true appreciation. The most appreciated gift is appreciation. It’s free to give and priceless
to get! Thank you for reading along with my thoughts today!

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It’s Praise Week

May 2, 2011 by Art of Eloquence

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It’s Praise Week here at Communication FUNdamentals!

The Bible talks about praising God, and we should, for all the blessings He has given us, but it also talks about supporting and being a blessing to others. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Edifying means to build up. God wants us to build others up, to lift them up when they are down, to support them. This scripture also tells us we should do this in order to minister grace to them. Grace means showing mercy, kindness and service toward others. Here’s why this is so important.

I always knew how important it was to praise others, but recently my daughter brought to my attention an article that tells us more about why. It says research shows Young People Prefer Praise.

“We looked at all the things college students love and they love self-esteem more,” says lead author Brad Bushman, a professor of communication and psychology at Ohio State University in Columbus.”

The article further stated that the students surveyed preferred experiences that boosted their self-esteem and cited things like getting good grades and compliments. It went on to say:

“Part of what researchers analyzed was the difference between “liking” and “wanting,” based on study participants’ self-reports. They said they liked the rewards listed in the study more than they actually wanted them, which Bushman says is considered healthy. However, the liking-wanting distinction was smallest for self-esteem, suggesting a stronger desire for it than the other rewards.”

So not only did they like receiving these rewards, but they actually craved or wanted them:

“It’s about confidence in your ability to deal with life’s challenges and a sense of personal worth, rather than generalized praise and undeserved rewards.”

The article suggests that craving self-esteem can be harmful to a society when it crosses over into narcissism. However, I believe this is much more likely for those who don’t follow Biblical principles which say to put others before ourselves.

I wonder if this rise in young people wanting or even craving experiences or feedback that fills self-esteem needs is because society as a whole is just so much busier than it used to be. People are working two jobs to make ends meet. Moms are worried about their children running with the wrong crowd or having too much free time that they are scheduling many more activities than they once did. Nobody knows their neighbors anymore. Are we all too busy these days to take the time to pay those compliments we used to? Do people today feel lost in the crowd? Is life more complicated today making it less likely to feel we are doing well? Does society push self-esteem too much? Or is it that society teaches us to seek conformity rather than treasure our uniqueness ? Are we looking for acceptance from a world that says we are just one of the crowd? Or does society no longer believe in a God who treasures each individual created with love?

What do you think?

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Automated Audrey

July 19, 2010 by Art of Eloquence

Real Rhonda vs Automated Audrey…

The world is going virtual and there’s not much we can do about it, but is it a good thing? I recently read an article which made it appear that it is and that it’s what people want. A recent study they cited said:

“Actually, what customers prefer is self-reliance. A recent Forrester Report showed that only 28 percent of U.S. online consumers ‘prefer to contact companies via telephone or e-mail rather than using a company’s website to get answers to their questions.’ And we feel certain that, as younger generations turn into a larger segment of the market, they are going to drive upward the percentage of people disinclined to interact with humans for assistance.”

I see a few problems with this finding and wonder how you all see it where you’re from. Here’s what I see:

First,this says that only 28% of online customers prefer to contact companies via phone or email. What about all the other customers who are relegated to calling an 800 number answered by Automated Audrey who prompts them to state the problem in a feeble attempt to rout their call to the proper department? How many times have YOU been on hold for twenty minutes where you were told for the third time you weren’t in the right department even if you pushed the proper button…TWICE? It’s happened to me more times than I care to remember.

Then it goes on to talk about how young people are increasingly disinclined to talk to a live person. I think that is probably true, however mostly because they are more accustomed to technology (an over abundance of texting) and to some degree because the average young person really doesn’t know how to talk to human beings! Part of the problem stems from the low rate of effective communicators out there anymore. Very few schools teach communication skills, public speaking maybe, but not general communication skills.

Next, while customers may prefer self-reliance, how much of it is really available to them on a website? Many websites I visit aren’t easy to navigate, are not well-written or intuitive and don’t answer the particular questions I have.

Wondering if I’m just an old fuddy duddy, I asked my 20 year old daughter (Text Ninja and Google Wizard) for her opinion on this topic and she said she often gets frustrated by Automated Audrey mostly because she doesn’t ever seem to have the answer to her specific issue programmed in to her databanks. She says if she was able to find the answer to her query without calling, she wouldn’t need to ask the question.

So what say you out there in blogland?

* Do you prefer to call or find the answer for yourself on the company website?

* Do you often get frustrated with Automated Audrey and long for a Real Rhonda or at least a Breathing Betty?

* What’s your experience?

Praise and Thank You

It’s Praise Week

Automated Audrey

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