praise

What happens to our communication when we are thankful-Part 2

November 28, 2012 by Art of Eloquence

So far this Thanksgiving month, we’ve talked about why it’s often difficult to Praise God in the Storm, what God Says about Being Thankful, What Being Thankful Doesn’t Mean, some things that will help us to remember in trying to be thankful. I’ve given you some practical advice with tips on exactly HOW to praise God in the storm. On Monday, I shared what happens to our communication when we are thankful and today I have a few more consequences of being thankful.

1. Others find us more approachable

The old saying, “laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and you cry alone” is quite true. Unless you’re so delirious with joy that you seem a Stepford Wife, the more joyous and thankful you are, the more approachable you seem to others.

Nobody wants to approach a Gloomy Gus and ask him for directions. If you are filled with the joy of the Lord, you are apt to radiate that to others who will find you a blessing in their lives because they feel they can ask you for help.

2. Others aren’t intimidated by us or afraid of us or uncomfortable with us

When we aren’t grumpy or frustrated, we open ourselves not only for others to ask us for help so that we may be a blessing to them, but we allow others to feel comfortable enough with us to spend time talking to us. How can we hope to share the Gospel or our ideas if we make others so uncomfortable that they don’t want to be around us?

3. We show and communicate God’s love

Another advantage of being joyous is that we have an opportunity to share and demonstrate God’s love. It’s difficult to communicate God’s love for His children if we are grumpy, frustrated and angry. Being filled with joy and thankfulness allows us to share that joy and thankfulness with others, even if we don’t utter a word.

Well, that concludes this month’s series of articles on being thankful and praising God in the storm although I will be back on Friday with some reflections on thankfulness.

I pray this series was a blessing to you especially if you are experiencing struggles in your life at present. Please leave a comment with your thoughts on this topic, especially if this series of articles has helped you or someone you know to be able to cope better during a struggle. I’d love to hear what made a difference for you.

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What happens to our communication when we are thankful-Part 1

November 26, 2012 by Art of Eloquence

All this Thanksgiving month, I’ve been sharing about how to Praise God in the Storm. I’ve talked about what God Says about Being Thankful, and What Being Thankful Doesn’t Mean. I’ve talked about how sometimes things that friends and family communicate to us can make our struggles more difficult and about things we can communicate to ourselves that can help us during struggles like some things that will help us to remember.

I’d never seen any practical advice with tips on exactly HOW to praise God in the storm and be thankful so I posted two articles on things we can do that will help us to be thankful and praise Him even during our most difficult struggles.

Finishing up this series, I’d like to share a bit about what happens to our communication when we are thankful.

1. Communication is easier

When we are happy, our communication is happy and easy. We are less curt with people and more grace-filled.

2. Open to good things rather than looking for the bad

People who are more joyous tend to look for the good in people which leads to not taking offense to things that aren’t meant as offenses and even those that are. This makes for easier conflict resolutions.

3. Communication becomes angry and hurtful when we aren’t thankful

The more thankful we are, the less angry we are. Anger leads to lashing out and often to hurting others. The more joyous and thankful we are, the less likely we are to be hurtful even if we don’t mean to be.

4. Become more Christ-like when we are thankful

Our communication is much more Christ-like when we are thankful and full of joy than when we are angry, frustrated and negative.

So the more joyous and thankful we can become, the more we communicate and spread that to others, but there are even more benefits to being thankful that comes out in our communication. I’ll share those on Wednesday.

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HOW to praise God in the storm part 2

November 21, 2012 by Art of Eloquence

On Monday I shared some things we can do that will help us become thankful so that we can praise God in the midst of the storms of our lives. Here are some more things that have helped me over the years and I pray they help you as well.

1. Remember that joy and happiness are two different things

Keep things in proper perspective. Happiness, as defined by Merriam Webster as good fortune or prosperity, a state of well-being and contentment, joy or a pleasurable or satisfying experience.

Joy is listed as the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires, delight, the expression or exhibition of such emotion, gaiety, a state of happiness or felicity, bliss, a source or cause of delight.

So happiness is dependent upon external circumstances, whereas joy exists in spite of whatever is going on around us and is a result of what’s happening on the inside. You can still have joy even though you are not happy because you can have a hope because you are in God’s will and will be rewarded in heaven even if you aren’t here on earth. You can be joyous in your strength or your endurance or your obedience even if you are unhappy about your health or your finances or your relationships.

2.Do things that bring you joy

Look at pretty pictures of God’s world and remember how everything is delicately balanced for us and given for us to use. It’s hard to look at he beauty of God’s world and not feel some amount of joy.

Listen to uplifting music and sing along or sing harmony. I am a wanna be musician. I used to write songs and I was a voice major in college before I switched to Speech Communication. I can’t help but feel better when I hear beautiful music and sing along. It usually makes me feel better to sing along to praise and worship music sometimes the same song over and over again. Here’s one of my favorites:

Call a friend. Sometimes you need a real, living person you can talk things over with. Just talking through our feelings can help us feel a bit better because we have expressed them and someone cared enough to listen. Many times we aren’t looking for a solution because we already know what our options are, but sometimes we may be surprised as our friend’s ability to help us find one! Even if nothing gets resolved, you will probably find yourself feeling better just because you were able to share your feelings with a good and trusted friend.

3.Read encouraging devotionals

Not devotionals on being thankful, but ones that encourage you. BibleGateway has a devotionals you can subscribe to that I have found helpful: Encouragement for Today, Devotions for Women and Devotions for Moms. I don’t recommend the one called Standing Strong in the Storm because it’s mostly about people who have endured religious persecution. While that might be important to read and inspiring at other times, I find that they are not something we can relate to when we are in the middle of stress. Unless your struggle is religious persecution on a grand scale, I find I can’t relate to them and they make me feel bad for even being upset about financial or health or relationship issues which doesn’t help me feel any better about my situation.

4. Help someone else

I know it sounds a bit backwards, but it can often feel good to be the solution for someone else’s problem. Sometimes we are almost paralyzed by our fear or stuck in our sadness that we feel a complete lack of control over our lives. It can feel empowering or at least uplifting to be the solution to something, no matter how small the issue is. As they used to say back when I was a little girl, “try it; you’ll like it.”

You may not be able to become happy about your circumstances, but you can do things that bring you some joy. This joy will help us see the blessings God has put in our lives and this will, eventually, allow us to thank God and even praise him in the storm.

Now that we have a few things we can do that will help us become more joyous, next week I will share about what happens to us when we are thankful. What happens to our feelings and what happens to our communication.

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HOW to praise God in the storm part 1

November 19, 2012 by Art of Eloquence

Most Christians have heard many times how we are to praise God in the storm, but what has always frustrated me is that nobody has ever told us how to do that. It’s hard to just begin feeling thankful when you’re in the midst of a financial mess or a loved one’s death. Merely understanding that you should do something doesn’t help you do it.

All devotionals on this topic will tell you to read the Bible and pray. This is obvious since we are trying to get closer to God and further away from our pain or struggle. This is also something we should do when we are not struggling. But just reading the Bible when you are struggling may not help your attitude turn to gratitude and you may not even know how to pray for a situation, especially if it has been a long and confusing one.

There are many devotionals on thankfulness that talk about this so I’m not going to spend much time on it since you’ve probably read enough of them to quote them verbatim. I’ll just say that it’s important to continue to pray and read the scriptures even when we are at our wit’s end and even when we are no longer able to envision that God would help us because, the moment we no longer seek God, we begin to drift away from Him. “Trouble and anguish have taken hold on me: yet thy commandments are my delights.” -Psalm 119:143

So how do we begin to feel thankful? Well, last week I prepared our hearts a bit by sharing with you what we should remember. But that often isn’t enough to bring us through from frustration and despair. After many years upon this earth I have found some things that have helped me to become more thankful and bring me to the point where I can praise God during the storms of my life.

1. Start small and build

Thank Him for whatever blessings you can think of, even if you have a hard time coming up with things you are thankful for and even if you don’t feel very thankful when you write it or say it. There is an old saying, “act as if.” If you begin to thank God for the blessings, no matter how small, in your life, you will begin to see more and feel it more as you go.

Somehow my attitude changes when I concentrate on the little blessings. I remember an old saying my relatives had when I was a child, “thank God for small favors.” It has become a popular secular saying that has come to mean something quite different so I don’t suggest you actually say this to yourself. I think it must have started out meaning that we should thank God for the small blessings in our lives to help us see the blessings He has given us. Unfortunately, what it has come to mean is a snarky commentary that God only grants us small favors.

See how your attitude changes when you say, “thank God for small favors” instead of “thank you, Lord, for these little blessings?” One suggests that’s all we expect the Lord to give us and the other reminds us that these are just the beginnings of blessings God wants to shower upon us. That one little communication change changes everything.

Think back to all the times when you had just missed a disaster. How do you think that miracle happened? Envision what God must have been doing to protect you and then feel the love that lead God to that act. I remember a time when we drove from California to ARIDzona to visit my folks. On the way there (which is here now), we heard the brakes begin to screech. All the men at the event thought it wasn’t a major issue so we didn’t drive the car during our visit and headed home where we planned to have them repaired. There was a great deal of traffic that holiday on the way back and got progressively worse on that six hour drive home. We were able to make it all the way home and, as we coasted into the garage, the brakes completely failed leaving us unharmed and safely in our garage. Thank you, Jesus, for all the disasters we avoided that night alone!

Think back to all the times when NOTHING bad happened. What disaster might have occurred? Thank Him for those as well. How many times were you thinking of going to ABC when something changed your mind and you narrowly avoided a known disaster? My husband once decided not to go to work one day because the only route there (70 miles one way) was covered in snow and notorious for closure. Later we found that many of the people who traveled that road were stuck down the hill unable to get home for a day or two. And what about all the other situations we have no idea we could have found ourselves in?

2. Blessings for worst not happening

In the midst of terrible pain it’s often hard to see what could be worse and, to be honest, we don’t often care. We just know where we are now is bad. However, looking at the bright side can truly make a person thankful because, believe it or not, there are so many situations where we could be worse off.

Food prices up? Praise God that you have the money to buy them. Health bad? Praise God that you have the time to rest. Sick? As you pray for healing be thankful it isn’t fatal. Serious illness? Be thankful that there is still hope. And if a loved one has passed away, praise God he is no longer suffering and is with Jesus in heaven.

Now these things may sound easy to some, but they are not at all easy to do when you are in the middle of a struggle especially when that struggle has already taken a toll on you for many years. However, if you start small, are consistent and build, your faith will increase, your sorrow will lift and your joy will return even if you aren’t happy about your circumstances. (I’ll talk more about the difference between joy and happiness in my next article so stay tuned.)

In the midst of despair, sadness and being overwhelmed with struggle, we may find it difficult to just pick ourselves up by our Christian bootstraps and just “be happy.” However, these little things have helped me get just one step closer to being thankful and have reminded me that God is there with me and He’s working on my behalf even if I can’t feel Him through all that life throws at me. I pray they are blessings to you and you can begin to see how you can be thankful and praise God during your struggles as well.

Next time, I’ll be back with some more tips that will help us to be thankful so we may praise God in the storms of our lives.

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: Bible, devotional, God, gratitude, praise, Prayer, storm, struggles, Thankfulness

Praise and Thank You

May 4, 2011 by Art of Eloquence

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Continuing with Praise Week here on Communication FUNdamentals! On Monday I shared about a recent study that was done on the need for praise in order to boost self-esteem. With so many people feeling overworked like this woman here, the need for praise is greater, but we no longer have as much free time to give it away to others. However, it’s important to praise and compliment-even if it is just to say thank you, but how do we do that effectively? This is an article I wrote a while back called…

The Power of Thank You!
By JoJo Tabares

Did you ever notice how little kids show appreciation? My son comes to me several times a day and says things like “I love you! You are the best mommy in the whole world!” The conviction of his words and the look on his face as he utters them are what touch my heart! That’s what true appreciation is.

Most of us teach our children to say thank you, but few of us really understand its power. Showing appreciation is not only etiquette, but it is a responsibility especially during the holidays.

I was privileged to have been in the audience when Florence Littauer was speaking on “Silver Boxes”. It’s what she calls her philosophy on appreciation and edification. She quotes Ephesians 4:29. “Do not let any
unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” She says that words are like a gift we give others that come in little silver boxes with bows on top. This is how we should show proper appreciation.

Many of us remember to say thank you when we get a gift, but often forget to show others appreciation for the things they do for us on a daily basis. And just how much appreciation does our “Thank You” show?

“Gee thanks” isn’t much of a Thank You. “Gee thanks” is what is interpreted when you say…”Thanks for the gift Aunt Millie!” or even “I love it!” Even if your voice is excited and your face lights up when you say it, it
can be empty. Why? Because in order for Aunt Millie to feel appreciated, she has to know what exactly you appreciate: The thought behind it? Money she spent? Time it took? Trouble she went to? And what exactly did you like about the gift: The features? The time it will save you?

A proper thank you is one in which you show as much time and trouble to give thanks as the person did in choosing your gift. Consider this: “Oh Aunt Millie! This is so generous of you! I can hardly believe it! This is a beautiful sweater and just the perfect color to go with the dress I was going to wear for my interview! Oh it feels so soft and I just love how it fits!” How much more appreciated does Aunt Millie feel now? Notice you haven’t even said the words “thank you”. It isn’t the words you speak; it’s the message it conveys that is important.

And how often should you thank Aunt Millie for this sweater? MORE THAN ONCE! I make it a point to wear my gift when I go visit the giver, call them on the phone when I am using it again, mention how I used it the other day and what a pleasure it was that I had it! NOW how appreciated does Aunt Millie feel?

What about all the thank yous that go unsaid to the people in our lives who do little things for us day after day? How many of us thank our mothers for raising us or our fathers for working so hard all those years we were growing up-not just on Mother’s and Father’s Day and not just a card or gift. How many of us have told our parents exactly what they did that we appreciate? Details! A Mother’s Day card once a year is an obligation. A letter or conversation regaling them with the details of what you appreciated about them over the years is true appreciation!

Is appreciation limited to our family? Many of us never thank our friends or associates for what they mean to us or do for us each day. How many of us belong to online communities? How many times have you emailed the owner of the list or site to thank them for all the behind the scenes work they do every day that allows you to participate, fellowship and learn?

Take your appreciation public. How much more appreciated do you think Annie would feel if you posted a public message of appreciation for all her hard work behind the scenes at your favorite Yahoo group?:

“I want to thank Annie for all the wonderful articles she posts each week! I have really learned a lot and I have used many of these articles as homeschool lessons for my children. Annie must work so hard to create all these fun activities and I want to thank her for donating her time and all the prizes and certificates she has given away over the years! This group has been such a blessing to me and I have had so much fun as a member. Thanks Annie!”

A little thank you goes a long way! If Annie was feeling a little frustrated by the time the group takes to maintain, I bet she has renewed vitality after your post! On the job, employers can get more out of their employees by showing them a little appreciation now and again. You can create a closer relationship with your family and friends by showing them how much you appreciate what they do for you.

Give the gift of true appreciation. The most appreciated gift is appreciation. It’s free to give and priceless
to get! Thank you for reading along with my thoughts today!

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: Article, power, praise, self esteem, study, thank you

It’s Praise Week

May 2, 2011 by Art of Eloquence

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It’s Praise Week here at Communication FUNdamentals!

The Bible talks about praising God, and we should, for all the blessings He has given us, but it also talks about supporting and being a blessing to others. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Edifying means to build up. God wants us to build others up, to lift them up when they are down, to support them. This scripture also tells us we should do this in order to minister grace to them. Grace means showing mercy, kindness and service toward others. Here’s why this is so important.

I always knew how important it was to praise others, but recently my daughter brought to my attention an article that tells us more about why. It says research shows Young People Prefer Praise.

“We looked at all the things college students love and they love self-esteem more,” says lead author Brad Bushman, a professor of communication and psychology at Ohio State University in Columbus.”

The article further stated that the students surveyed preferred experiences that boosted their self-esteem and cited things like getting good grades and compliments. It went on to say:

“Part of what researchers analyzed was the difference between “liking” and “wanting,” based on study participants’ self-reports. They said they liked the rewards listed in the study more than they actually wanted them, which Bushman says is considered healthy. However, the liking-wanting distinction was smallest for self-esteem, suggesting a stronger desire for it than the other rewards.”

So not only did they like receiving these rewards, but they actually craved or wanted them:

“It’s about confidence in your ability to deal with life’s challenges and a sense of personal worth, rather than generalized praise and undeserved rewards.”

The article suggests that craving self-esteem can be harmful to a society when it crosses over into narcissism. However, I believe this is much more likely for those who don’t follow Biblical principles which say to put others before ourselves.

I wonder if this rise in young people wanting or even craving experiences or feedback that fills self-esteem needs is because society as a whole is just so much busier than it used to be. People are working two jobs to make ends meet. Moms are worried about their children running with the wrong crowd or having too much free time that they are scheduling many more activities than they once did. Nobody knows their neighbors anymore. Are we all too busy these days to take the time to pay those compliments we used to? Do people today feel lost in the crowd? Is life more complicated today making it less likely to feel we are doing well? Does society push self-esteem too much? Or is it that society teaches us to seek conformity rather than treasure our uniqueness ? Are we looking for acceptance from a world that says we are just one of the crowd? Or does society no longer believe in a God who treasures each individual created with love?

What do you think?

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Article, Bible, Blessings, communication, Communication FUNdamentals, compliments, edifying, Ephesians 4:29, God, grace, praise, research, rewards, scripture, self esteem, study, supporting, week

What happens to our communication when we are thankful-Part 2

What happens to our communication when we are thankful-Part 1

HOW to praise God in the storm part 2

HOW to praise God in the storm part 1

Praise and Thank You

It’s Praise Week

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