How NOT to Communicate w/your Thermostat

I must look at the world through funny nose and glasses because my life is just funny.  Two weeks ago, as some of you know, my dd and I were baking brownies when, instead of smelling our delicious treat, we smelled burning plastic which we eventually learned was our AC going out.

So a week later my dd and I found ourselves baking brownies again.  It was the same day of the week at the same time.  I even had the same number of eggs left in the egg carton.  We called my dad, who had helped us out the week prior, to put him on alert to be on stand by. LOL  If you’re thinking we didn’t, WE DID!  Well, we baked and determined conclusively through our little re-creation and scientific experiment that baking brownies does not, in fact, cause your AC to die.

However, the morning after said scientific experiment, my dh came running in upset that the AC wasn’t turning on.  It gets hot in our bathroom when you’re taking a shower so he always lowers the AC to blow extra cold until he’s done getting dressed.  Well this morning, AC was not responding.

Apparently he asked him nicely, turned him on and off, put the fan on auto and then on, but AC just wasn’t having any of that.  As he finished getting dressed for work, I decided to investigate.  I’m a homeschool mom and this was a science project.  Come on dear, let’s see why AC isn’t listening to your father.

Sure enough AC was set for 78 degrees and it was 82 in the house.  Looking around at the thermostat for a minute revealed why.  In my dh’s haste, he must have pushed one button he hadn’t planned on.  Yes, it said HEAT instead of COOL.

My dh is very intelligent but without his glasses I guess HEAT looks an awful lot like COOL.  I couldn’t wait to bring to his attention how NOT to communicate with your thermostat.    I’ll never let him live this down.  I think it beats my getting lost backing out of my own driveway.  What do you think?

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21 Fly Salute

So I’m sitting in the living room listening to the lilting sounds of my dd playing the keyboard last night when I hear…

“MOM!  FLIES!”

Sure enough I see approximately 4 or 5 flies on the window behind the blinds.  How’d they get in here?  All the windows are closed cuz the air conditioning is on 24/7 cuz it’s 110 degrees in Phoenix cuz it’s SUMMER in the DESERT!

I run to get the fly swatter and, shhhh…  “Be wewy wewy qwiet!  I’m hunting Fwies!  Eeeee eeee eeee!”

As I begin “Fly Massacre at Tabares Mannor”, it’s like a bug horror movie.  Each time I kill a fly, another comes to take its place.  The replacements are smarter and more agile than their “ancectors”!  You’ve heard of Smart Bombs?  These are Smart Bugs!

We count 9 and there’s no end in sight so I continue with my weapon of choice, my trusty Fly Slaughter…er…Fly Swatter!   My aim is accurate and deadly.  We’re up to 14 and something just whizzed by my ear!  It’s a full scale Fly Invasion!  They’ve taken up residence and invited their family and friends.  They’re EVERYWHERE and they’re MULTIPLYING!

Now it’s a 21 Fly Salute!  I think it’s over, but alas, here comes a few more for good measure!  22!

It seems the last two have been watching and taking notes from their hiding places somewhere in the relative obscurity of the corners of my living room. One sails by me.  I swat at the air, desperate to eliminate the possibility of reliving a past unsuccessful Fly Battle where we inadvertently left a Fly Mom alive to give birth to a new army of Insectified Invader Hatchlings!  I had discovered their presence when walking barefoot that morning on my kitchen floor only to find maggots so thick I could barely step without, well…  Ewwww!

At final count there were 27 flies who fell at the Bay of Flies Invasion last night with the Tabares Swatter Army suffering only minor wrist injuries.

Wait…what’s that noise?

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My life is funny!

My friend Carla has been telling me for years to record some videos and put ’em up on YouTube.  Why?  Because my life is funny and it usually illustrates why effective communication is so vital!

So yesterday my dd and I were watching Chonda Pierce videos on YouTube and laughing our collective tushies off.  She turns to me last night and says, “You should be a stand up comedian!”  Well, my life is funny and I do love to tell a good story!  My son is always laughing at the way I present his homeschool lessons and, occasionally and out of the blue, he’ll say, “Say something funny!”

While it’s probably a little premature to go out on tour or do TV appearances, as soon as I get my stubby hands on a digital video camera, I’m going to make a series of YouTube videos so be on the lookout!  In fact, I can almost guarantee it’ll be fairly soon so, if you love to laugh at someone else’s expense, I’m your gal!  You might want to subscribe to my newsletter, What’s New at Art of Eloquence so you don’t miss any.  I’ll let you know when we’ve uploaded them.  (Like that term?  I’m techie already!) lol

In the meanwhile, I have a funny story for you because…my life is funny!

So I’m up at 2:18am, cuz…I’ve had my alloted 4 hours of sleep!  And I’m on the computer typing a note to my Grace Talk Soup co host, Carla, and it’s taking a really long time to do, cuz…I still haven’t hooked up my new computer, Zippy, and I still have Methuselah!  When all of a sudden, I hear this GINORMOUS chirp!  It sounds like a cricket on steroids or a basketball player’s sneakers on the gym floor only he has…MUCH BIGGER sneakers!

At first I freeze, listening with great interest and expecting to see a 9ft cricket come out of the shadows and …EAT ME!  I was concerned about my feet, so I pick them up off  the floor and place them gently on the chair under me.  After a long while I figured I must have dreamed it.  After all, it is only 2:45am!

So back to my typing… I hear it again!  It has to be my computer, right?  So I shut off the speakers, but I hear it three or four more times and it’s LOUD!  There are certain odd sounds you hear in your house at 3am, but a 9ft electronic cricket ain’t one of them!  I run off downstairs and all over the house trying to find the giant cricket or, perhaps Magic Johnson in my living room!  Although what Magic Johnson would be doing playing basketball in my living room at 3am, is beyond me!

I end up in my bedroom standing over my husband at 3:06am.  Should I wake him up and tell him that a giant 9ft cricket is after me?  Well…YES!!  So he goes out and looks for the giant cricket.  There it goes again!  Where is it coming from?  It’s echoeing all over the house, bouncing off the walls and hardwood floors and vaulted celings!  It’s got to be HUGE!

Wanna know what it was?  Wanna know what killer creature my husband woke up at 3am on a weekday morning to protect me from?  A smoke detector with a low battery signal!

Now that’s love!

My life is funny! ROFL

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