grace

Is Grace a Two Way Street?

April 6, 2011 by Art of Eloquence

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Before I start posting my 10 Quick Rules for Disagreeing in Grace, I want to start off Grace Month with an article I wrote a while back. Is Grace a Two Way Street?

It talks about two news items where the speaker didn’t speak in grace, but it also talks about how Christians should react according to God’s Word and why that is most effective. Here is an excerpt from “Is Grace a Two Way Street?”

“God gave each of us free will and there are times when folks will choose to be evil with their mouths. Sometimes they don’t mean it the way it sounded and sometimes they mean it exactly the way it sounded. Either way, instead of getting angry and lashing out, let’s address the issues fairly and in grace. Let’s call it wrong but let’s do so with respect and in love. Why?”

To find out, read the entire article here!

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: angry, Christians, excerpt, God, grace, mouths, two way street

April is Grace Month

April 4, 2011 by Art of Eloquence

Have you subscribed to Communication FUNdamentals’ RSS Feed? Don’t miss a post!

All this month I’ll be talking about the role of grace and godly communication in our daily lives from our marriages, kids, neighbors, family, friends and co-workers to how we handle the phone and social media. I’ll be sharing tips from my article, “Ten Quick Rules for Disagreeing in Grace” and expanding on it to include more insights. I’ll even share some from my upcoming new study, Say What You Mean: Avoiding, Reducing and Resolving Conflicts.

After checking out my article, for a little fun you can visit FIMM (Foot in Mouth Man) for some of his misadventures in miscommunication. There will be a new episode this coming Wednesday so stay tuned.

Later this month, I’m going to host a free seminar on godly communication so save up your questions! At the end of the show, I’ll be taking your questions which you can either call in to the show or post in the chatroom to share. Here are the details on the seminar. Mark your calendar so you don’t miss the live show. I always have something special planned for my live listeners!

Title: Godly Communication
Time: 04/28/2011 11:00 AM EDT
Episode Notes: It takes 21 days to make a habit; why not make one for God? I challenge you: Make a habit to speak in a more godly way and see what you reap and what you sow. I’ll show you how.

How to Join the Show: Join us via your computer by clicking this link, or call us during the show at (724) 444-7444 Call ID: 19736.

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Filed Under: Art of Eloquence News, Communication Articles Tagged With: avoiding conflicts, co workers, conflicts, disagreeing, Family, friends, grace, kids, marraiges, neighbors, Say What You Mean, talkshoe

The Case for Wrinkles

November 29, 2010 by Art of Eloquence

At the end of a long, joyous, productive, meaningful life, what will people see when they look into your face? WRINKLES! And they won’t be thinking, “That face shows a joyous, productive, meaningful life” either. They’ll be thinking, “Boy is that woman OLD!” Well, I’d like to change all that and I’m asking for your help.

It’s important to use your communication skills to change the world around you for the better. Why start with wrinkles? Well, I’ve written articles about grace in politics and faith before, but it struck me that I never did start at the beginning. In order to start a movement for world grace, I think it needs to begin with something more universal and easier to discuss. If you think of it in colloquial movie terms, this article is a prequel.

Every one of us, if we are blessed, will live to see the day when our face has an abundance of creases and lines. There will come a day when even the fresh-faced, four-year-old will be weathered. I’d like to start at the beginning with something we can probably all agree on and feel confident enough to pass along. I say wrinkles are desirable (dare I say fashionable) and I’m going to prove it.

The Case for Wrinkles

1. Wrinkles are better than the alternative!

Yes, given the alternative to growing old, wrinkles come in on top! Death is a very distant second! Once you realize how much worse you could have it, wrinkles don’t seem so bad.

2. Wrinkles are soft.

Yes, the more wrinkled your face is, the softer it gets. My 11 y/o son loves to touch my 48 year old face and always comments, “It’s so soft!”

3. Wrinkles are knowledge.

The more wrinkles you have, the more knowledge you MUST have accumulated, even if by sheer luck! You just know things younger people don’t. You’ve lived through stuff.

4. Wrinkles are earned.

Wrinkles are not some honorary badge. They are earned! Not just anyone can have these babies! Laugh lines mean you must have laughed. A joyous life, even if fraught with struggles, is a prize, indeed. Wrinkles mean you’ve endured, you’ve persevered. Wrinkles mean you have really lived.

5. Wrinkles show you have character.

Wrinkles are character lines and mean you aren’t just any old body, you’re a character! Wrinkles make you cute, cuddly, adorable, wise, and worthy of honor!

6. Wrinkles are wisdom!

If you have acquired wrinkles, you MUST have also acquired some amount of wisdom. At the very least you remember history like it was yesterday. You remember what life was like before iPods and can regale the younger generation with quaint stories of what kids did before Playstation 3. If you’ve really been paying attention or have garnered an education, you can teach people stuff-stuff they might really need to know!

7. Wrinkles give you license to be silly again.

Let’s face it. When you see a 4 year old being silly, you think, “How cute!” When you see a 40 year old being silly, you think, “What an idiot.” When you see a wrinkled old guy being silly, you think, “How cute!”

8. Wrinkles are your ticket to free help.

If a 29 y/o woman is having a hard time with her lawn mower, you’d rather not take a minute to help her get it started because, hey, you’re busy and her husband will get around to helping her…eventually. If you see an 80 year old woman struggling to get her Christmas lights up, you’ll take three hours of your day to string them for her!

9. Wrinkles mean you don’t get any more pimples!

One of the great perks of getting wrinkles is that your face no longer breaks out! You don’t need to worry about those embarrassing blemishes due to oily skin when your face has dried up and turned raisin!

10. Wrinkles allow you more time to have fun.

Once you realize you’re no Farrah Fawcett (I know I’m dating myself) anymore, you can stop worrying about your looks and focus on the fun of life. Not having to worry about your makeup, the latest hair styles, and your Jordache Jeans (now I’m REALLY dating myself) means you can wear what’s comfortable and have more time to enjoy life unimpeded by the bonds of high fashion!

You and I may not agree on politics, religion or even what to watch on TV, but I’ll bet we can forge one bond today and agree to declare to the rest of the world that wrinkles are desirable. If you agree, forward this blog link to everyone you know, wrinkled and non-wrinkled. You don’t need to send it to 25 friends in the next five minutes, but if you do, you will have contributed 25 new giggles to the world! You will also have contributed to the beginning of the Wrinkle Movement. Together we CAN rid the world of the stigma of wrinkles so that our children will grow up in a wrinkle friendly environment! Who’s with me?

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication. Her Christian and humorous approach to communication skills has made her a sought after speaker. JoJo’s articles have appeared in various homeschool magazines and websites such as Dr. Laura.com. Her Say What You Mean curricula is endorsed by The Old Schoolhouse Magazine and her eBook, Say What You Mean When You’re in Business, has been used by direct sales leaders and small business owners alike. For more information, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: articles, faith, grace, grace-filled, gracious, joy, politics, purpose, religion, tv, wrinkles

Nostalgia Week: Ten Quick Rules for Disagreeing in Grace

October 25, 2010 by Art of Eloquence

It’s Nostalgia Week here on Communication FUNdamentals. Art of Eloquence will be eight years old in just a few days. Looking back at how I started out, I began reminiscing about the “Good Old Days.”

Remember when manners were in style? When parents taught us that if we didn’t have anything nice to say, we shouldn’t say anything at all? Remember when saying “please” and “thank you” was not just nice, but customary? Remember when strangers were kind and we could…disagree in grace?

10 Quick Rules for Disagreeing in Grace
By JoJo Tabares

So how should we object? What’s the best way to disagree? How can we voice our opposition when someone presents us with something that goes against what we believe? How can we discuss and share instead of antagonize and frustrate? How? Just the way you would wish someone else would disagree with YOU!

Here are 10 quick rules for disagreeing so that it will open a door to discussion instead of slamming it shut on your relationship:

1. Don’t Accuse
Instead of coming out and saying someone is wrong, just share what you know. Nobody wants to hear they are wrong and if they hear it, they are likely not listening to anything else you say. They may indeed be wrong, but you need to ask yourself if you want to be right or if you want to be heard!

2. Listening Without Interrupting
It doesn’t look like you are anxious to share your views if you interrupt. To them, it feels like you aren’t giving due attention to their arguments. If you are not willing to listen to others, they will not be willing to listen to you!

3. Be Calm
The best way to share your views with anyone is in a calm and rational manner. The more passionate you are about a topic, the harder that will be. When you give a speech, being passionate about it is beneficial, but when you are trying to change someone’s mind or heart, it is a deterrent. Nobody wants to be forced into accepting something. They want to come to their own conclusions after hearing all the facts.

4. Don’t Condemn the Person; Question the Issues
Remember always that the Lord loves His children. It’s the sin He hates. Keep in mind that people are not machines. We don’t switch our sin on and off. Ask questions. Share. Condemn the action if you must, but never condemn the person that Jesus loves!

5. Give new Christians a Chance
Before I ever came to accept Jesus, I didn’t know His Word. I cannot accept what I do not know. I had to spend time reading the Bible before I could grow in my faith. As I grew closer to the Lord, the more I wanted to live my life for Him. I didn’t start off witnessing. It wasn’t until later that I decided not to participate in things like Santa and the Easter Bunny. Be sure not to stumble a fairly new Christian because he is not yet ready or willing to make a change.

6. Address their Concerns
If they ask you a question, by all means answer! Sometimes people may not come out and ask but you can tell they have a concern by their body language or their facial expression. If they object, by all means address it. Calmly share what you know about their concerns.

7. Say “I Dunno”
When you don’t know the answer someone needs, the most intelligent thing to say is “I dunno.” The quickest way to lose credibility with someone is to speak too quickly. If someone asks you something about the Bible and you can’t remember where the scripture is, tell them you will find it for them. You don’t need to have all of the Bible memorized and categorized in your head to share the Gospel. People appreciate honesty!

8. Let it Go
In order to avoid an argument, when they are no longer listening, stop talking! As soon as someone is giving off signals that they are not accepting your views, it’s usually best not to press the issue and begin an argument. Remember that the Lord may use you simply to plant a seed. Someone else may be sent to water it. Only God can change a heart and you may have already done your part. Don’t mess up God’s work! ROFL

9. Don’t Argue
Art of Eloquence offers a Tshirt Transfer and Puzzle Download with a very powerful saying on it. “Don’t argue with a fool. Someone watching might not be able to tell the difference” -Author Unknown Arguing only inflames the other party and renders them incapable of really listening to what you have to say. Arguing never persuades anyone and if it does, they certainly would never admit it!

10. Agree to Disagree
Tis better to agree to disagree and live to discuss another day than to fight for your right to be a pest! Sometimes people are not ready to hear or accept what you have to say. Sometimes you are only one in a long line of people the Lord will use to share Jesus with this person. Share and discuss in love and grace and then let it go. God is in control. Let Him work.

We have not been commanded to make Christians. We have merely been called to share God’s love and grace and mercies with those who would listen and pray for those who don’t.

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer. Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula. You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com. For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: articles, disagreeing, Good Old Days, grace, Subscribe Here!, ten rules

Best Foot Forward

August 19, 2009 by Art of Eloquence

Always deal with others in grace as the Lord does with us because none but He is perfect. Remember that, even when we put our best foot forward, we have to take another step.

foot1

Often we ask for grace for our own missteps while not granting that grace to others. This causes a misstep of quite another kind:

FIMM 400x4001

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Grace not Race

June 17, 2009 by Art of Eloquence

My dear friend and cohost on Grace Talk Soup, Carla Ives, was my sounding board yesterday morning as I received some disturbing news after my weekly newsletter went out where I shared part of the article I wrote for yesterday’s blog post here on Communication FUNdamentals. Sharing your troubles with a friend is one of those gifts God gives His children to help them through difficult times. Not only did she reassure me, but yesterday evening I found this precious article in my inbox with a note asking if I would post it today as a Guest Blogger! Well, needless to say I was greatly honored. Here are her thoughts. I’ll let her explain what happened.

MY PARTNER IS A RACIST
By Carla Ives, A Word Aptly Written (http://www.awordaptlywritten.com)

Now that I’ve got your attention, let me say that the above statement is NOT true, but we’ll get to that in a moment. So then why did I use this headline?

My partner and Grace Talk Soup Co-Host, JoJo Tabares, sent out her weekly Art of Eloquence newsletter this morning. . . and got reported for violating a subscriber’s “racial discrimination filter.” Go read the article that got her in trouble on her blog: http://artofeloquence.com/blog/grace . Now you tell me if it’s about race. It’s about G-R-A-C-E, folks, not R-A-C-E. So what happened?

Apparently, it’s due to some word or phrase in the email that caused the subscriber’s ISP to delete and return the newsletter in violation of a “racial discrimination filter.” She found this out by calling the newsletter provider. Their representative read the article and he couldn’t figure it out either. The only thing they could figure is it was the term “two way street” in her opening sentence: “A few situations arose this past week that may give you cause to wonder if grace is a two way street for Christian conservatives. “ Have you ever heard the term “two way street” used in a racially derogatory way? I haven’t. The only derogatory connotation I have ever heard with this verbiage is in describing someone who is bisexual as a “two way street.” Since gender identity has been added to race in the discrimination laws, we’re figuring that maybe it’s all lumped together in the “racial discrimination filter.” It could also be due to the words “white trash” or “hillbilly” in the quote from Megan Fox. We’re not sure. Read the article again. If you figure out how this excellent article is racially discriminatory, please let me know.

Now let’s go back to JoJo Tabares. I have had the privilege of calling this Godly woman my friend for many years. For those of you who know her, you know that she doesn’t have a racist bone in her tiny little body. JoJo loves all God’s children. She doesn’t hate and she doesn’t discriminate. She does what she does because she is passionate about teaching us how to communicate with each other the way God would do it, so that NO ONE is discriminated against or unnecessarily hurt, always in love and with grace. She wrote about God’s grace. . . and got flagged for being a racist. Go figure.

At the request of her newsletter provider, she had this subscriber deleted so it shouldn’t happen again unless he resubscribes. There may be a possibility that this person is subscribing so that he can send spam like this out, hoping she will contact him. She was advised not to reply or contact him in any fashion. Too many of these so-called violations and they can suspend your account. Please keep in mind this is a double opt-in mailing list. She usually gets reported as spam since these people, many who figured out how to subscribe only for the freebies she provides to her subscribers, conveniently forget how to unsubscribe. It’s easier to just report her as spam. This time, though, it’s hit a new low. Very, very low.

Since JoJo is obviously not a racist (and I should point out that I don’t fit that label either), why am I bringing this to your attention? Because it’s only going to get worse. The hate crimes legislation that will make a lot of Christian speech into a prosecutable crime is up for a vote in the Senate this week. All indications say it will pass. Get set for a trial of the decade, century or what have you when they drag the first preacher down off the altar for preaching what the Bible says about homosexuality and other things. If you believe things are okay that God calls an abomination, fine. You’re entitled. Whether you feel your rights come from the Constitution of the United States or an Almighty God, you are certainly entitled to your opinion. But why am I NOT entitled to mine? If many can say it’s right, why can’t we say it’s wrong? When did a difference of opinion become illegal? Apparently, when a lot of us weren’t looking. Why weren’t we looking? Because we’ve become too comfortable in our churches, eating our pot luck dinners and singing the latest praise choruses while our rights are being snatched away. We believe it simply can’t happen here. Think again, folks. It’s happening right under your noses! That’s why JoJo does what she does. She teaches Christians to speak up in love about our beliefs, about God’s grace and, more importantly, how NOT to hurt people and discriminate against them with our words.

Because of a few who shoot their mouths off in the wrong direction, Christians are considered a laughing stock, a bunch of homophobic, intolerant, right-wing whackos. We are against almost everything America stands for today. When did it change? I don’t know exactly, but I do know that we were snoozing during the sermon while they were NOT. Keep on snoring, America. Then tell me it can’t happen here. Guess what? It already has.

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Carla Ives is one of the Purveyors of Fine Words at http://awordaptlywritten.com , a professional writing and editing service that lets YOU shine through! Carla’s specialty is editing, but she also writes press releases, articles, blog posts, ad copy and now resumes, a new service of A Word Aptly Written. You can read her daily thoughts and ramblings at http://lifeloveandlunacy.blogspot.com and catch her each Thursday morning, along with JoJo Tabares, on the wildly popular Grace Talk Soup podcast at http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/19736. Carla can be contacted at awordaptlywritten@comcast.net for all your writing and editing needs.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Carla Ives, communication skills, grace, Newsletter, Racial Discriminiation

Is grace a two way street?

June 16, 2009 by Art of Eloquence

A few situations arose this past week that may give you cause to wonder if grace is a two way street for Christian conservatives. Though I believe most people are respectful, even to those with whom they disagree, I do see that there are some who not only speak disrespectfully of us but who feel justified in doing so. But if you think the secular world in general endorses this behavior, you would be wrong. And what’s more, I believe, there is something we Christians can do that will help us win back favor with the secular world and it’s called grace.

“Let your conversation always be full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” -Colossians 4:6

The first story I mention only because so many are talking about it. However, I must preface this by stating that I cannot verify the person’s statement nor the intent with any credibility. I had thought I remembered the story being aired on Fox News by either Sean Hannity or Bill O’Reilly, but in the last few days, my research has come up with only a few blogs and a small article on One News Now that did not have a link to the orignal MSN piece.

Megan Fox, star of Transformers, was reported to have been recently quoted by MSN in a piece entitled “The Wit and Wisdom of Megan Fox” in which she allegedly said she would barter with Megatron (a character from the movie), suggesting that he “just take out all of the white trash, hillbilly, anti-gay, super bible-beating people in Middle America?”

If this was, indeed her statement, it certainly paints a picture of someone who is mean-spirited and it begs the question if folks would feel the same way (or if MSN would feel the same way about airing this piece) if the actress had taken a pot shot against homosexuals. However, I don’t see main stream America lining up to defend this sentiment. In fact, what I did see were people questioning the validity of anything else to come out of her mouth. What I read, for the most part, were people (though not always in the most gracious way) who were unwilling to spend money to see her new movie. Remember that the right to freedom of speech does not negate the right of the listener to take offense and act accordingly. Remember the Dixie Chicks?

How about the recent comments made by comedian and late night host, David Letterman, about Sarah Palin and her daughter? This story was all over the internet in places like Associated Press, Fox News, The LA Times and US News and World Report. Again, hardly anyone is condoning the statements and even Mr. Letterman, himself, has apologized though many may argue it’s not sincere.

But here’s my point. God gave each of us free will and there are times when folks will choose to be evil with their mouths. Sometimes they don’t mean it the way it sounded and sometimes they mean it exactly the way it sounded. Either way, instead of getting angry and lashing out, let’s address the issues fairly and in grace. Let’s call it wrong but let’s do so with respect and in love. Why?

Do you all remember the movie, Fireproof? What was Caleb asked to do when he took the Love Dare? Was he asked to treat his wife with love only when she showed love to him? No! God doesn’t love us only when we are lovable. Thank God! LOL God’s love is Agape Love, unconditional love. The love we are asked to show to our fellow man and, yes, even when he sins against us. What happened to Caleb’s wife after she was treated with love? Yup! She began to see the merits of her husband and feel a deep love for him again.

I submit to you that, if the Christian community would rise up and speak the truth in grace and in love, we would accomplish great things in the Lord! Think of each of these issues as an opportunity to discuss, instead of grievances to be made right or arguments to win. If grace is a two way street, which way came first? Mr. Letterman is no spring chicken, but may I point out that the Bible is several thousand years old. Let’s share our thoughts in grace and with respect, even if the other doesn’t, and see where it gets us! Go on! I double dog love dare ya! 😀

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer. Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula, including Say What You Mean Defending the Faith. You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com and hosting her weekly podcast, Grace Talk Soup. For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Christian grace, communication skills, David Letterman, Fox News, grace, Megan Fox, Sarah Palin

JoJo-ism

May 23, 2009 by Art of Eloquence

“Do your best to communicate effectively while giving grace to others who misstep. Remember: when we put our best foot forward, we have yet to take another step.”

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: best foot forward, Communication quotes, grace, JoJo's quotes

Is Grace a Two Way Street?

April is Grace Month

The Case for Wrinkles

Nostalgia Week: Ten Quick Rules for Disagreeing in Grace

Best Foot Forward

Is grace a two way street?

JoJo-ism

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