Isn’t it time to repair your relationship and resolve that conflict?

Face OffIt’s a new year and, like all new beginnings, it comes with an opportunity.  Each year, and each day for that matter, gives us an opportunity to renew old friendships, repair past hurts, and rekindle the love we once felt for our spouse.

Is there a friend you haven’t spoken to in a long time?  Was it just because you hadn’t taken the time or is it due to a falling out?  The longer we are out of touch with someone, the more difficult it seems to take that first step toward renewal or repair of a distant or damaged relationship.

Many people I talk to say they’d be willing to repair a relationship if only the other person would make first contact.  The problem is that is usually what the other person is thinking.  You are waiting for him and he is waiting for you.

Why not take the first step?  I’ll bet you’d be surprised at how much less difficult it is than you thought it would be.  Sometimes all it takes is hello to rekindle old friendships or even to smooth over a small misunderstanding.  I challenge you this year to try.  Your relationships are well worth the effort!

If you are looking to repair a relationship that has been damaged by a deep conflict, Art of Eloquence can help.  Check out Say What You Mean: Avoiding, Reducing and Resolving Conflicts.  Browse our free lesson at the bottom of the page.  If you purchase this study, you’ll learn how to bridge the gap and repair old hurts no matter how long they have festered.

Or sign up for this month’s webinar: Resolving Conflicts, and get this study as a bonus gift!

Consider what you once had with that person and ask yourself if it’s worth a few dollars and a little of your time to have that again.

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Should your child be on FB? Part 1

Some say Facebook is a blessing allowing you easily to keep in touch with friends and family, meet like-minded people, help you find a job or even market your business.  Others say Facebook is a waste of time and, too easily, an invasion of your privacy.   I say Facebook is a tool, a communication tool, much like email, the cell phone and your mouth.  What you get out of it often depends upon your input, expectations and most of all, how you use it.

But is it a good idea for your children?  In this article I’m going to share the benefits and drawbacks of allowing your children to have a Facebook account.  Due to the length of this article, I am going to break it down into two parts.  In this first part, I’ll cover the benefits of allowing your child to have a Facebook account.  Next Monday, I’ll post part two in which I’ll discuss the drawbacks.  You may be quite surprised at what I have to share on both sides of the issue!

One of the benefits of allowing your son or daughter to have a Facebook account is that it is a fantastic way to hone his  communication skills.  By interacting with friends and family on Facebook, your child will learn to tailor his message to each individual as he posts comments on Grandma’s wall or to little Jimmy who moved away last month.  He’ll also gain description skills that communicating via the phone or in person would not afford him.  Body language, facial expressions and tone of voice are absent from Facebook posts.  It becomes necessary for Bobby to effectively describe the school project he had to do for history class instead of just show it to Jimmy.  Facebook, if used in this manner can help increase his writing skills, especially if Bobby utilizes the Notes feature in order to write up his views expressed in his paper on Abortion.  There are many examples of communication lessons to be learned by allowing your son or daughter to express themselves in writing on Facebook.  These are but a few.

A second benefit of allowing your son or daughter to have a Facebook account is in increasing his expertise when interacting with folks of different beliefs and cultures.  I’ll talk about the warnings of allowing your young children to get on or friend people he doesn’t know in part two, but let’s assume Bobby is 16 and has relatives in other states or countries.  What a wonderful opportunity to learn about their culture and experiences!  He’ll learn how other cultures see the world, how they live and may even see pictures recently taken of the Liberty Bell, or the Washington Monument or Big Ben!

An additional advantage is that your child will learn how communication works in the technological age they live in and will work in.  Many companies are now hiring people to man Twitter and Facebook accounts in order to help customers who post they are having trouble with their company or product.  I’ve had a very large company contact me via the social networking sites after I posted that I was having a hard time with one of their products.  He helped me solve the problem!  While your son may not be hired to do this, he will very likely need to understand the inner workings of communication in the technological age.  In addition, Facebook has been used to catch criminals, to find a job, to recover a child during an Amber Alert and to ask for help or prayer with some serious matters.  Facebook is not only the wave of the future, it is a most efficient way to disseminate information and get feedback!

Facebook is also a great way to stay in touch with family around the country build relationships with them and friends who moved away.  I mentioned this earlier, but this may be the only way Bobby can have much of a relationship with his brother who is deployed or his grandmother who is back east.  I have found Facebook to be a blessing in staying connected with my daughter while she has been 1800 miles away at college, when she was half way around the world as a Russian exchange student for a semester and when she was on a missions trip in Israel for two weeks!

Finally, Facebook is a fabulous start to overcoming shyness.  Shy people are more likely to make friends or talk to friends if they can do so without having to be intimidated face-to-face.  This can help build their confidence and self esteem enabling them to transition from online communication to in person conversations.

As you can see, Facebook is simply a tool.  Used correctly, it can enhance your child’s communication skills and friendships.  However, there are also some dangers.  I’ll talk about them next week.

Can you think of any other benefits of allowing your (age appropriate) child to have a Facebook account?  Share your stories and experiences with my readers!

 

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Un___Breakable

It’s Friday Funnies time so get your giggle here!

epic fail photos - Unbreakable FAIL

see more funnies

Just remember that we often think our friendships are unbreakable and so we don’t always take care when we speak.  Communication skills are vital in all our relationships because you can’t have a relationship with someone without communicating.  And in this complicated world, MORE communication skill is needed now than ever before.

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Influence of Texting on Communication Skills

Communication FUNdamentals continues its celebration of Effective Communication Month!  Last week we looked at the history of communication technology.  Today, I’d like to talk about how that change in communication can affect the quality of our communication.

The Influence of Texting on Effective Communication Skills

By JoJo Tabares

 

“Nd U 2 gt rpt 2me by fri5. Bob”

Can you imagine receiving this email from a high level manager at a major corporation?  What would you think of the company who sent this to you, their customer?  If you think this is a an exaggeration, guess again!    Many researchers believe that texting and email have contributed to the drastic decrease in effective communication skills of this generation.  In this article, I am going to cover how texting and email have caused our skills to deteriorate even in the corporate world, how laziness has helped to increase miscommunication, how the impersonal nature of technological communication has increased rudeness and aggression, and hampered our friendships and other social skills.  Lastly, I’m going to share some tips that will help you and your children avoid these pitfalls increasing your chances of success in your personal and professional life.

1. Bad Communication Skills Even in Corporate America:
“Communication is all anyone ever gets paid for ultimately…and if you cannot effectively communicate, you will pay…not get paid!” -Doug Firebaugh

According to a 2005 article in the Pittsburg Post Gazette, employers are complaining about communication skills. Bosses say the biggest failing among college graduates/job applicants is the inability to speak and write effectively.  Communication skills now top the list of qualities employers seek because these are qualities they cannot teach in their two week new-hire training sessions. But these qualities are consistently at the bottom of the list perspective employees possess at the interview.  According to the National Association of Colleges and Employers, good communication skills were what employers said was most lacking in college job candidates.

Debra Vargulish is a training administrator at the Latrobe-based global tooling company who recruits on college campuses for Kennametal Inc.  She reported that the students she meets are often inarticulate and shy, “They seem to be way better at using technology than older people. It’s actually the content that is missing.  A lot of them don’t know what to say at all, and that’s not good.”

In my lifetime, technology has been nothing short of amazing!  It has had some incredibly powerful influences on our ability to communicate.  We are able to communicate with almost anyone around the world at the stroke of a key.  We can find information in a nano second. Email and texting allow us convenient access to our friends on our schedule, give us a simple way to connect and pass along vital information, and help family and friends remain close even though they are hundreds of miles apart.  However, texting and email has also been cited as a reason communication skills have deteriorated in recent years.  The use of email shorthand is one of the reasons stated.  According to a recent study, 25% have used emoticons in their school writing; 50% have used informal punctuation and grammar; 38% have used text shortcuts such as “LOL” meaning “laugh out loud”.

“The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.” -Hubert H. Humphrey 

In a recent Harris Interactive and Teenage Research Unlimited survey, researchers found that instant messaging keeps families interconnected online, but can also lead to fewer in-person meetings, outings and less time actually talking. He said the data collected showed communicating online can be overused and is beginning to replace real-life relationships with virtual ones.

“You can have brilliant ideas, but if you can’t get them across, your ideas won’t get you anywhere.” -Lee Iacocca

2. People are getting lazy with info and not used to checking things out or thinking things through:

With so much information (and misinformation) a click away, many no longer do their due diligence to make sure they are passing along information that is accurate.  Passing along misinformation can not only create a panic where none need exist but it can also destroy your credibility.  I’ve seen large Facebook groups predicated on an untruth.  When the group leaders find out their cause is invalid their group members have a hard time trusting them with any other information.

Laziness causes poor attention spans and writing skills as well.  A recent story in the New York Times about the negative effects of text messaging reported statistics from the Nielsen Company showing teenagers in the United States averaged about 80 text messages per day in the fourth quarter of 2008.  Text messages allow teenagers to communicate in places where cell phones are not allowed, primarily school. It’s fairly easy to hide a cell phone and text, and texting teenagers aren’t focusing on the lesson and a decreased attention span ensues.  According to the University of Alabama computers and applied Technology Program 2009, “Technology Education: A Series of Case Studies,” Mrs. Diego’s 9th grade English student papers are fraught with short, choppy sentences that give no depth.

Further, many teens spend so much time texting, they are not aware of the proper uses of words or phrases and are not used to thinking things through.  Here’s something I heard in the park the other day.  A 14 y/o girl told her 4 y/o step sister, “Your soon-to-be father-in-law is on a plane right now.”  As I listened to the conversation that followed where the older girl repeatedly used this term, it appeared that the 14 y/o was probably talking about her father who was going to adopt her step sister.

3. Increase in Rudeness and aggression:

According to Christina Durano, “Social Skills Impeded by Technology,” DailySkiff.com, “Not only do electronics hinder the development of our interpersonal communication skills, but they can also be just plain rude. Sometimes I want to grab the phone out of someone’s hands and throw it on the ground so they actually look at me during our conversation. It’s not that I think I’m so high and mighty that I actually deserve people’s attention; it’s just that there are some basic rights everyone deserves – one of which is the right to have a two-way conversation.”

Have you noticed how inconsiderate some movie goers are lately?  You can’t step into a movie theater anymore without encountering a sea of cell phones backlit as their owners thumb their way through endless online games or beep-ridden text messaging.  And don’t get me started on the increased aggression on forums, Yahoo groups and chats due to the anonymity of the faceless, impersonal connections made online.  People feel justified in expressing anger and voicing disrespect because they don’t have to look their victims in the eye when they communicate it.

4. Hampering Friendships and social skills
There are severe disadvantages to the influence of technology on interpersonal communication.  In our zest to connect with people all over the globe, we often neglect our own neighbors.  Togetherness is being neglected in contradiction to the basic survival instinctual behaviors. People won’t see any need to be more physically interactive.  Already it is possible to perform major activities without physical interaction — it’s even possible to exercise or engage in sporting activities with a virtual competitor.

Because of the increase in text messaging and email, some experts like Rick Pukis, an Associate Professor of Communications at Augusta State University, say texting could be affecting the way we interact.

“Text messaging has made us a very impersonal society today. They’re not communicating, not using any facial expressions, like smiling so when they get back into a situation where they’re talking to someone, they don’t smile,” said Pukis.

“Someone can whip one out in thirty seconds and they’re like, ‘Ahh, I took care of this, I communicated. You didn’t really communicate, you just shot out a one line sentence over to me and didn’t really convey any thoughts,” said Pukis.

My niece recently attended a friend’s birthday party and found herself in the middle of a texting marathon.  Each girl, cell phone in hand, was texting the boys who were not present at the party and each other even though they were in the room with each other for several hours!

5. What to do?

In order for you and your family to avoid these pitfalls which can result in a serious lack of effective communication skills that can hamper your personal and professional success in life, I recommend you don’t overlook studying communication skills.  Art of Eloquence has a wealth of information on our site dedicated to your success.

The Lord tells us in Proverbs 25:11, “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” And remember that, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” -George Bernard Shaw

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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Relationships are All About Communication!

Relationships are All About Communication!
By JoJo Tabares

Good relationships rely on effective communication skills.  It’s a huge part of our friendships, our parenting and our professional life.  Studies have shown that effective communicators have better relationships, closer friendships, make more money and are generally happier people.  Why?  Because effective communicators have the ability to relate with others, the confidence to express their needs/desires and possess the ability to persuade others to adopt or otherwise act on their ideas.

Our marriages suffer for lack of effective communication skills:
“An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of the citadel.” Proverbs 18:19

The reason most often cited for a failed marriage is a lack of effective communication.  It takes both husband and wife really listening to each other and communicating their needs in order to make a marriage work.  Ask any couple married for 20 years or more and they will tell you that the secret to a successful marriage is communication.

How often have you heard the marriage jokes that cite how a man doesn’t know what his wife needs or wants from him?  How many times have you heard a woman say that her husband doesn’t listen to her and that he isn’t in touch with her feelings?  These all stem from poor communication skills.  We need to understand that our spouse doesn’t read minds.  A wife needs to tell her husband what she wants from him.  A husband needs to understand that his wife doesn’t always need a solution.  Sometimes she just needs to vent and only wants him to listen to what troubles her.

Effective communicators have deeper and strong relationships:
“He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend.” Proverbs 22:11

How many times have you wondered if something you said had offended a good friend?  Do you find it difficult to talk to a friend about something that bothers you?  There is a way to say almost everything that needs to be said in a way that allows you to remain friends.  In some cases, it may allow your friendship to grow!  This cannot be accomplished without effective communication skills.

Our careers are more successful if we are effective communicators:
“You can have brilliant ideas, but if you can’t get them across, those ideas won’t get you anywhere.” Lee Iacocca

Studies show that people who love public speaking actually  make more money than those who do not.  Successful leaders are successful communicators.  If you are an entrepreneur, you will need to communicate effectively with your customers but also with your  business associates, employees and suppliers.  If you are climbing the corporate ladder, you will need those communication skills in order to show your superiors that you can handle management position.  Once there, you will need them in order to lead the employees or team you are managing.  In fact, more and more companies are looking for effective communication skills in hiring and promoting employees.  Management styles in the 21st century require leading employees than delegating responsibility.  Leadership requires self confidence, personal presence, credibility, ability to persuade and explain, understanding of others, interaction and learning effectiveness which all require good communication skills.

Relationships are all about communication.  Effective communication can increase the success of your friendships, marriages and business relationships.  So…what steps do YOU need to take to become an effective communicator?

” A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” Proverbs 25:11

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula, including Say What You Mean Defending the Faith.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com and hosting her weekly podcast, Communication Comedy Network.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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