A Discouraging Word

Home, home on the range….

Where the deer and the antelope play…

Where seldom is heard a discouraging word and the skies are not cloudy all day.

What is it about our home that makes it special?  It’s safe, secure and supportive…or it should be.  When  your home is filled with discouraging people (or your life is), it can be difficult to become rejuvenated, rested and ready to take on the day.  The rest of the world can be against you, but if those who are supposed to support us are negative, challenging and difficult, it can make life more stressful.

Do you have people in your life who are discouraging?  Do you have to deal with them on a daily basis?  There are several ways in which people can discourage us.

1. Not listening when we want to share good news

2. Not encouraging us to seek out a better life, situation, condition

3. Being negative or challenging every fact, word or concept that comes out of our mouths

4. Making it difficult to do what we need to especially during a difficult situation

5. Discouraging us from asking questions and, instead, making us feel dumb for asking

Sometimes other people aren’t the only ones in our lives with a discouraging word.  How can WE be discouraging to others?

1. Downplaying other people’s accomplishments

2. Pointing out how their ideas won’t/can’t work

3. Questioning every aspect of their plan before they have a chance to present it

4. Making them feel like they are swimming upstream when having a conversation with us

5. Shooting down their ideas before you’ve even heard them.

6. Not giving them the time of day to listen

“Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.” Colossians 4:6

How many times have we had a discouraging word for others and not even have noticed that we were making things difficult for them?  Were we just too busy with our own lives to listen to Jim when he shared what was troubling him?  Did we fail to take the time to build him up, support him?  Did we allow Angela to speak her mind before we shut the door on her because the first words out of her mouth didn’t sound interesting enough?  Did we brush off little Johnny because he couldn’t get the words out fast enough and we had better things to do?  Did we make only a minimal effort to show appreciation to Mrs. Jones for all her help with the church picnic?

Sometimes we simply don’t realize how our half-hearted “thank yous” and hurried “that’s nices” feel to the one on the receiving end of our harried communication unless we, ourselves, have been the recent victim of a discouraging word.  May we always remember the words of our Lord: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Ephesians 4:29

 

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com
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NOTE: Stay tuned next week for part two on how to handle discouraging people more effectively!
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It’s Praise Week

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It’s Praise Week here at Communication FUNdamentals!

The Bible talks about praising God, and we should, for all the blessings He has given us, but it also talks about supporting and being a blessing to others.  Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Edifying means to build up.  God wants us to build others up, to lift them up when they are down, to support them.  This scripture also tells us we should do this in order to minister grace to them.  Grace means showing mercy, kindness and service toward others.   Here’s why this is so important.

I always knew how important it was to praise others, but recently my daughter brought to my attention an article that tells us more about why.  It says research shows Young People Prefer Praise.

“We looked at all the things college students love and they love self-esteem more,” says lead author Brad Bushman, a professor of communication and psychology at Ohio State University in Columbus.”

The article further stated that the students surveyed preferred experiences that boosted their self-esteem and cited things like getting good grades and compliments.  It went on to say:

Part of what researchers analyzed was the difference between “liking” and “wanting,” based on study participants’ self-reports. They said they liked the rewards listed in the study more than they actually wanted them, which Bushman says is considered healthy. However, the liking-wanting distinction was smallest for self-esteem, suggesting a stronger desire for it than the other rewards.

So not only did they like receiving these rewards, but they actually craved or wanted them:

“It’s about confidence in your ability to deal with life’s challenges and a sense of personal worth, rather than generalized praise and undeserved rewards.

The article suggests that craving self-esteem can be harmful to a society when it crosses over into narcissism.  However, I believe this is much more likely for those who don’t follow Biblical principles which say to put others before ourselves.

I wonder if this rise in young people wanting or even craving experiences or feedback that fills self-esteem needs is because society as a whole is just so much busier than it used to be.  People are working two jobs to make ends meet.  Moms are worried about their children running with the wrong crowd or having too much free time that they are scheduling many more activities than they once did.  Nobody knows their neighbors anymore.  Are we all too busy these days to take the time to pay those compliments we used to?  Do people today feel lost in the crowd?  Is life more complicated today making it less likely to feel we are doing well?  Does society push self-esteem too much?  Or is it that society teaches us to seek conformity rather than treasure our uniqueness ?  Are we looking for acceptance from a world that says we are just one of the crowd?  Or does society no longer believe in a God who treasures each individual created with love?

What do you think?

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