Wright the Wrongs: Rewrite These Faux Facebook Statuses

painRewrite these (mostly) faux Facebook statuses so they are written in proper English.

1. goin fishin ltr

2. r u kidding me?????

3 IDK

4. marry had a litle lamb chop4 diner

5. bet u didnt’ fin her their when u got they’re i know you mustv lookd for a looooooooooong tim ?will u do now?

 

NOTE: Don’t forget to submit your communication questions to jojo@artofeloquence.com for my monthly Ask JoJo section of my blog.  I’ll pick one question per month to answer right here on the blog!  You can ask anything related to communication skills from a tip on how not to be nervous making a speech to what games your kids can play that will help them hone their communication skills and even if your website or blog is clearly written!

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On this day in 1951, I Love Lucy Premiere

I’ve written about my love for the I Love Lucy show before.  It was one of the most incredibly creative shows, especially with the use of language. It was the first show I can remember where language played a vital role: accents, miscommunication, culture.

Last month, I wrote an article for my newsletter subscribers detailing the lessons we can about poor communication from I Love Lucy.  But this week, on the anniversary of the very first I Love Lucy show, I’d like to highlight some of the fun and creative scenes that taught us about language and effective communication.

Here’s Lucy making fun of Ricky’s English:

Ricky tells Little Ricky a bedtime story.  Can you tell which one?

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Fri Funnies: English Language Day

Today is English Language Day.  To celebrate, I found this adorable 102 y/o man to explain English to us.

And that about “somes” it up, doesn’t it?  LOL

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Communication Pet Peeves: The Phone Tree

Have you ever called a large company and found yourself in the middle of…

THE PHONE TREE!  (phone tree…tree…tree…)

If you have, you’ve likely experienced the frustration of one of my biggest communication pet peeves.  Desperate to find the answers you seek, you remain on the line long after the hold music has stopped.  You’ve pressed every button known to man and you’ve tried to connect with every department you think just MIGHT have something to do with your particular issue.  After endless patience and wearing your index finger down to a nub, you find you’ve finally reached a live body and, well…here’s a little scenario I wrote that helps illustrate THE PHONE TREE.  (phone tree…tree…tree…)

Press 1 if you speak Spanish,

Press 2 if you speak English,

Press 3 if want a listing of our locations,

Press 4 if you want to listen to a commercial about how great we are,

Press 5 if you want to wait on hold indefinitely while you listen to bad elevator music for six and half minutes before we accidentally disconnect you,

Press 6 if your question is about how great we are,

Press 7 if you’d hold for a half hour to place an order,

Press 8 if you like the color blue,

Press 9 if know your account number and wish to remain on hold,

Press…oh I’m sorry we ran out of numbers, please hold!

I hope you enjoyed your Friday Funnies. I now return you to your regularly scheduled blog…

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Excerpts from the English/Techanese Dictionary

For those of you following the latest in the Terrible Techie Trouble Saga, I want to give you the benefit of my experience in trying to speak Techanese: the language of the computer.  Here are some Techanese terms and their English definitions:

Techanese: Windows detected a hard drive problem. 

Translation: We have no idea what the problem is, but YOU’D better find out quick!

Techanese: Microsoft Word has encounted a problem and must shut down.

Translation: We have no idea what the problem is, but you can’t use Word right now!

Techanese: Memory is low, please restart your computer.

Translation: We know exactly what the problem is, but you’ll never be able to fix it this way!

Techanese: Warning!  A critical error has ocurred.  SoquelMPQ MSNBC MOUSE 123 Dosey Doe Here We Go!

Translation: We know exactly what the problem is and you’ll never figure it out!  Bwahaahaaahaaa!

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What does it take to communicate with your computer?

I have a degree in Speech Communication and over 25 years of experience since then.  I have been able to communicate successfully with people of all ages, including those who have vastly different beliefs.  I speak English, a little Spanish, a wee bit of ASL and I’m conversational in whining and Gibberish.  What I cannot communicate with is my computer.

Computers have a language and a logic all their own!  I’ll go into this in more detail later this week, but to give you a background (in order that you might appreciate the conclusions I will draw on Wednesday), I’d like to share with you the Tragic (though comedic) Tale of Techie Trouble with the computer formerly known as Zippy.

Zippy is less than two years old.  We bought him when my previous computer, Methuselah, was given only a few days to live…or was that me after starring in a Lifetime Movie called “Some Like it NOT.”  After rehearsing Methuselah’s death scene, we set up The Zippster and I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that my days of Techie Troubles were over.

Unfortunately, I got an offer I couldn’t refuse, and believe me I tried, to do the sequel, “Scream TOO” which began filiming several weeks ago while preparing for our Art of Eloquence Birthday Bash.  What went wrong you ask?

1. My old website had a nervous breakdown and my new website wasn’t programabale quite the way it was supposed to causing delays and fits of frustrated terror.

2. Firefox slowed to a snail’s pace and began hiding the words I typed until, well…it felt like showing them.  By that time, I had tried to backspace and, “I’m so happy today” came out, “Isoppy toy” until I had wanted to type, “I want to throw Zippy out the window!”

3. Blog posts I spent hours preparing disappeared….

4. Windows Movie Maker began to play hide and seek with my videos.

5. Firefox, Windows Movie Maker and Outlook would freeze and shut down unexpectedly.

6. My virus software took a mental vacation.

7. Our coupon code inexlicably didn’t work during the Birthday Bash.

8. Our coupon code inexplicably started to work correctly a few hours AFTER the Birthday Bash was over.

9. Firefox began using too much memory, or so my new virus sotfware told me.

10. I dumped Firefox and spent two or three hours setting up all my passwords and bookmarks in IE.

11. IE began using too much memory according to my new virus software.

And those are only SOME of the techie troubles I’ve had in the last several weeks.  It’s all I can remember because, very soon afterward, my brain had the blue screen of death and I got fitted for my funny white coat with the sleeves that tie in the back!

Why?  Why can’t computers behave like human beings?  Why can’t we just talk to our computer and clear up any misunderstandings we might have?  How is it that I can be doing the very same things to operate it day after day and then, without warning, everything changes?  I thought about that as I was screaming into my non techie, old fashioned pillow and I realized that some of the behavoir of computers IS simlar to human beings, but some just isn’t.

Have you ever been talking to someone for years in a particular way and then one day he lets you know in no uncertain terms that he doesn’t appreciate it?  You’re left wondering, where did THAT come from?  If he didn’t like talking about this or doing that, why not just tell me so three years ago?

The difference is that if you have a misunderstanding (human version of a techie issue), you can always communicate with him and work it out.  You can ask him what’s wrong, what he’d like you to do in the future, and you can apologize and move on.  With computers, you can’t do that.  Oh you try!  Sometimes in words and sometimes threatening an inanimate object with bodily harm!  Either way, he doesn’t answer you and you’re left with the undeniable feeling that you’re in this ALONE!

So here I sit today with these Techie Troubles daring me to make a move.  What’s the right one?  What is the consequence for making the wrong move?  I’ve changed my virus software, updated malware protection, changed browsers, run disk cleanup and defrag…I’ve done everything I can think of short of exorcism to debug my computer which is driving me buggy.   I’ll draw some more conclusions for you about some things I’ve learned while attempting effective communication with my computer…on Wednesday.

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Effective Email (Part 3)

Several recent studies show that email is deceptively more difficult that most people are aware.   Research reveals that 78% of people believe they are clearly communicating and 89% of receivers believe they are correctly interpreting an email.  However, the unfortunate reality is that the receiver correctly interprets an email message only 56% of the time!  Why the discrepancy?

Email is devoid of body language, facial expressions, vocal inflection, gestures, and other nonverbal cues which make up 93% of face-to-face communication!  Though an email is easy and convenient to write, we often forget that the other person may not interpret what we type the way we meant it especially since the only things the receiver can use to interpret our email message are the words we choose to use.  This leads to various misunderstandings as the receiver may misinterpret your intentions and tone by reading too much into the email.

While there is no perfect way to communicate and each receiver is a unique individual, there are some tips that will help you communicate more effectively over email.

1. Consider your audience
Before you begin to formulate your email, consider who it is you are writing to.  How well do they know you and your thoughts on the topic you are about to discuss?  What assumptions might they have about the topic that you may have to overcome?  What terms might you use that they may not be familiar with?  Which words or terms might be taken negatively?  How many people will be reading this email and would they all feel the same about this topic?  Knowing your audience is important if you are to relate to them or you will miss opportunities to communicate effectively and increase your chances of being misunderstood.

2. Read it over out loud before you hit send

It’s almost impossible to edit or proof your own writing which is why a good editor is worth so much, but it isn’t practical to hire an editor for a simple email.  So what’s an emailer to do?  You may, indeed, read right over your own mistakes when you read silently.  I advocate reading your email over out loud before you hit send to catch the glaringly obvious “mis takes”.

3. Check for inflammatory words
As you are reading over the email, or even on a second read if the topic is controversial, keep in mind any words that might be interpreted as inflammatory.  These are any words that are unnecessarily emotional or could be seen as rude.  If you find one, try replacing it with a less emotionally-charged word.

4. Make sure it’s not accusatory
As you are reading, scan for any words or terms that might make the reader feel as if you are accusing them or even suggesting they have done something wrong-especially if they have not.  Many times emails are misinterpreted because the receiver feels the sender is hinting that they have done someone wrong.  Even if the recipient has done something wrong, it’s not always effective to tell them so-especially in a setting such as a public Yahoo group.

5. Look at email with the eyes of those who don’t know you
It might help to read the email over by trying to see it through the eyes of someone who doesn’t know you or the topic.  If a green alien from the planet, Mift, was to receive your email and all he knew was basic conversational English, would he understand you?  Do consider that some people you may email are not from the same country, culture, time zone or even hold the same world view you do.  When inviting someone to  an online event, do include the time zone or a few time zones to make it easier for everyone to attend. For example:

“Join us each month for free seminars here: http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/19736” doesn’t tell them when they should join you.

“Join us each Monday at noon” isn’t much more helpful because noon to California is not noon to NY.

“Join us each Monday 12pm PST/3pm EST” is much more descriptive.  From there anyone can figure out their own time zone.  You can even post four US time zones so those in MST and CST will not have to go to the trouble of doing calculation.

Do remember, too, that there are people who live in other countries and time zones that may see your email post.  Their noon may be your midnight.  Allow them to be fully informed of the time zone or they are likely to become frustrated by trying to attend your online event while you are sleeping.

On Wednesday, I’ll share five more tips for the body of your email.

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Comical Ads and Product Notices

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Humor Week concludes today with our usual Friday Funnies…on steroids!  Sometimes humor results from an accident in advertising or the notices we find on the products we buy.  They have some element of humor, especially when translated into English as in this sign from Nokia.

 

The instructions and notices we find on products can be pretty funny.  You’ve seen all the warnings that can be hilarious, but here is one I actually found that tickled my funny bone.  We went to Red Lobster for Mother’s Day, I brought home a “doggie bag” that had these surprising instructions.  While I was both surprised and elated that this container was microwave safe as I contemplated my lunch for the following day, I couldn’t help but wonder under what circumstances I’d want to reuse it.  How many of you have always wished you could put your “doggie bag” in the dishwasher in order to use it again?

 

And then there are times when my homeschool mom side surfaces and I long to take a red pen and  make the necessary corrections:

 

No, I didn’t, but someone apparently did.

Well, I hope you’ve had a fun week here at Communicaton FUNdamentals.  Words mean things and effective communication means you’ll need to express your words well.  Speech communication can be a complicated skill to learn and the English language doesn’t make it any easier, but remember our motto: if you’re not having fun learning speech communication, you aren’t using Art of Eloquence!

See ya Monday for some more Communication FUNdamentals!

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Lucy & Ricky: English Problems

This is one of the most hilarious I Love Lucy episodes where they discuss communication.  It’s about how difficult the English language is, especially in comparison to Spanish.  I can relate as I’m a red head married to a Spanish speaking man myself.  Check this out and have a giggle on us!

For more Communication FUN, check out Art of Eloquence.com!

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An Inglish Stori

English is a crazy language that wound up with wounds of wisdom.  Does it sound right to you that our houses don’t have mouses?  Why can we oversee what we cannot overlook?  It seems something is not “in wack”, but fat chance trying to work it out-or would that be a slim one?

If we slow down for just a minute, we will clearly see that we cannot slow up-or keep up with the strange rules which cause a wise man not to be a wise guy.  It also doesn’t follow that we talk about gooses which are really geese, but never about mooses which are definitely not meese.

If I had my way, everything would be spelled “foneticly” and punctuating a crazy man would just be Crazy, Man! I also think we have far “tu” many “leters” in the “alfabet!”  Additionally I teach my kids that, if you were to “member” correctly in the first place, you’d never have to remember in the second place.

To make a long story “much more” longer, I think I’d like to redo the entire “Inglish” language so it made a great deal more “cents.”  Don’t “yu” “agre?”

A little language levity from the folks at Art of Eloquence.com!

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