How to Communicate Love Series Part1: Words

Flowery WordsSaying the words is only one way that you can tell your spouse you love them, but how many times have we heard people say things when they don’t really mean them?  They say talk is cheap and it is.  We allow words of hate to slip out of our mouths all to often and things are far easier said than done.  How many of us gals ever dated a guy who said they loved us, but what he really meant was he WANTED to?

Unless the other party really feels your love for them, these words are almost meaningless.  Ever have a fight with your brother after which your mother made you say you were sorry?  You said the words to each other because mom said so, but you and your brother knew full well neither one of you meant it. How many of us, in our rush to get stuff done, have kissed our spouse and said, “love you” as you shuffle your papers to find your car keys?  Forget our love language, sometimes we simply don’t act as if we mean the words we say.

If you’ve ever done this, and I suspect we all have, it can become a habit and then the words, “I love you,”  become synonymous with “nice knowing you.”  These words, spoken so frequently and with varying degrees of depth, become meaningless.  After all, a stranger on the street could say the words and be telling the truth because he loves all people, but what does that really mean?

So how else can we communicate that we love them?  Tell them they are special to you.  Tell them WHY they are special to you.  Compliment them and be specific about what you love about their personality, their smile, their talents.  And it’s not just about how your wife looks, fellas!

The devil is in the details and so is the feeling of love.  A stranger on the street may be able to tell your wife the truth when he says, “I love you,” but he can’t tell her what he loves about her because he doesn’t know her.  What do you love about your husband?  What does he do, not do, or say that warms your heart and makes your day?

Specific words will show your spouse the love he/she needs to feel.  How else can we communicate love?  Check back next week for part 2 of this month’s blog series!

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Don’t forget to check out our Valentine Special where you can get two e-books that will help you and your spouse build a happier and stronger relationship!  Plus our free bonus gift, 28 Days of Love: 28 scriptures, sayings and beautiful illustrations that will help you become better able to express your love for your spouse.

 

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Take the time to communicate

It’s Phone Week!  Saturday is the anniversary of the first telephone call so we are celebrating communication, the phone and technology this week here at the Communication FUNdamentals blog!

Today’s world is much more fast-paced than it was when I was a kid.  I remember sitting on the porch with my friends, playing kickball in the street, gathering together on the corner to walk to the candy store and spend the afternoon.  Now we rush from activity to activity…do not pass Go…do not collect $200!

We want to do so much in such a small amount of time so we rush through things and don’t really understand them.  We read part of a comment on Facebook.  We think of what we are going to make for dinner as we nod our head when Aunt Martha is sharing her heart.  We type an email response while our son is asking us a question.  Did we really hear him?  Did we let his message get through?

So many times we don’t take the time needed to truly understand someone.  In an effort to have our say (in under 10 seconds), we respond only to half of the comment based on our assumptions of what was said.  We may have missed the person’s point entirely.  Now the speaker feels as if he wasn’t worth the 10 extra seconds we didn’t grant him to fully understand.  We put him in a position where he is faced with a decision to remain misunderstood or call us out, sometimes in public.

This habit of half-listening has been the cause of so many misunderstandings and damaged friendships.  Let’s all vow to change that bad habit in 2012.  Let’s make a commitment to take the time to fully read that post, listen to our friend, and understand his heart.  Let’s resolve to take the time to support people in their time of need, let them know someone understands, build their confidence, help them prosper and lift them up.  Finally, let’s make a decision to put the lessons we learn from the communication we take the time to hear/read into action in 2012.  Apply the lessons we learn from God, from our friends, from the blog posts we read, from the articles and videos we watch so that their wisdom isn’t lost in our lives.

If you have a habit of not taking the time to really listen, read, comment, support or put the lessons learned into action, join with me in a vow to change that in 2012 so that our lives will prosper and we will be a light unto others.  If you’re not willing to take the time to communicate effectively in the first place, you’re doomed to clear it up in the second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth places!” -JoJoism #200

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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Effective Email (part one)

Communication has evolved a great deal in the technological age.  I’ve talked about what kinds of communication are best for various situations, I’ve pointed out the pitfalls of different forms of communication and I’ve discussed how they each have been misused.  This week, I’d like to begin a brand new series of articles that will share the details of writing an effective email.

Email is a form of communication that most people use and are familiar with, but as JoJoism#20 states, Do not mistake speaking for communicating.  One involves an ability and the other mastery.”  The same concept is just as true of the informal written word called email.  Just because we do something often, doesn’t mean we do it effectively.

Have you ever sent someone an email and had them either not reply or reply with a question about what you meant?  This is usually a result of ineffective communication in one or more parts of your email.  Since most people use email and some use it almost extensively, this will be a very powerful study in communication that will give you practical help in making your every day correspondence extremely effective.

This will be a seven part series that I will share over the next few weeks so make sure you’re subscribed to our RSS feed so you don’t miss any part of it.  I’m going to take each part of the email one at a time.  Today’s post is about your email address.

I know, it sounds a little silly.  After all, how important could your email address be in the scheme of things?  What difference could it possibly make what your email address is?  Do people really notice anyway?  The answer to these questions is very, huge and yes!  Here are four reasons why.

1. Your email address communicates something about you.

Just as your first impression means a great deal when you meet someone, your email address presents a first impression of you to those who receive your email.  PickledPigsFeet@MSN.com may give you a giggle, but is it really what you want to represent you when you post on your Yahoo group?

2. Your email address should communicate a positive image.

IHateMyJob@Yahoo.com may let off some steam, but is that what you want to reflect on each time you send an email?  Is that what you want others to see about you when you post?  How might that be interpreted should it get back to your boss? Don’t say who you don’t want to be.  Choose an email address that reflects who you do want to be.

3. Your email address should be God-honoring.

If I’m a professing Christian, every part of me should honor God.  Not just the words that come out of my mouth, but the clothes I wear and the groups I associate with all communicate who I am in Christ.  Just as these contribute to making a God honoring impression, so do our virtual forms of communication.   We wouldn’t choose a letterhead that was offensive and so we should also be careful that our email address is not.  I’ve seen some pretty strange email addresses that, while I may not term them offensive, I certainly wouldn’t say they honored the Lord.  Having a positive and God-honoring email address that describes me will help make a good impression just as my clothes, handshake, manners and speech do when I’m in person.

4. Your email address will be judged through a cultural and personal filter.

Only God knows our heart. All others judge us through a filter that is based on their personal, professional and cultural world view whether we like it or not.  Through this filter goes every aspect of our communication to them.  In a face to face conversation, it’s our voice, our eye contact, our words and expressions, etc.  In an email, it starts with our email address.

If you use your email for the sole purpose of communicating with close friends, that is one thing.  However, if you use your email address to contact customer service at your bank, your son’s baseball coach, or your customers, CutiePatootie@hotmail.com might not earn the respect and support you desire.

SIDE NOTE: If you are a WAHM with your own business, you need to get a more professional email address.  If you have your own domain, you should always use your domain email address.  And while you’re setting up that email address, make sure it reflects who you are in your company.  Think about what your customer or supplier or business associate would think if they saw that email address associated with your company?

Effective email begins with the impression you make that reflects who you are and that begins with the email address. Think about it this way.  When you were born, your parents gave you a name.  You had no choice in the matter.  When you set up your email address, you get to choose.  Choose wisely!

I’ll be back on Wednesday with part two of my effective email series.  Stay tuned!

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