My dh took our son to CVS pharmacy to get his sports physical the other day. I was shocked to hear the questions she asked him. It was like Child Protective Services questions asked of a child suspected of being abused. They asked him if he felt safe at home and does he always wear a seatbelt, does he feel anxious or nervous. I thought…is this customary for drs to ask here in Arizona? According to friends and neighbors…IT IS!
My dh filled out the form saying he was homeschooled. Do you think this had anything to do with the line of questioning? I would have thought Arizona was less inclined to do things like this than California, but he was not asked anything like this when he did his sports physical for football.
My dh didn’t answer the question of immunization on the form, but I wonder what she would have said about that. She did say he wasn’t due for his booster yet but asked if he had his immunization record and my dh simply said no.
What I am concerned about is that some dr, who doesn’t know me or my family, could interpret the answers to these questions in a way that would lead to my family being investigated for no reason.
I have seen cases in California where these seemingly innocent questions have lead to someone having all their kids taken away only to find a few yrs later that these allegations were completely unfounded, or worse yet, lies told by jealous family members or neighbors. After which the damage to the family (mostly the children) was already done. These questions don’t apply to most people, but they could lead to abuse without probable cause.
I wouldn’t object if they found my son in their office with bruises all over him or acting funny, but not as a routine where any 4 yr old could say something that might be interpreted by the untrained eye to be the beginning of years of devastation for a family.
Doctors are authority figures imposing to young children and these days to their mothers as well. Parents afraid of a confrontation, who don’t know the laws and/or who are not effective communicators may say the wrong thing, be bullied into allowing a line of questioning that subjects their child to being badgered. A young child may not know how to answer these questions or answer incorrectly so it may be misinterpreted.
If you allow the questions, you take the risk of you or your child saying something that might be misinterpreted as incriminating. If you don’t allow them, you risk coming off looking like you have something to hide!
What say you? Do you know your rights? Do you know how to gracefully and efficiently get out of a situation like this? What would you say? Have you ever been asked these kinds of questions? What do you think about this practice? Do you think it’s inappropriate?
If you’d like some help in honing your skills so that you can be more assertive in situations like this, check out Say What You Mean Every Day over at Art of Eloquence.com
My husband has worked in health care for many years. It was decided upon several years ago with an agreement between the American Medical Assoc and the mental health assoc (don’t know the official name) that patients would be given a screener for mental health. I’ve seen doctors, dentists, nurses etc… ask these questions. The purpose is to screen for those who are abused and/or having mental health problems like depression.
The mental stability questions were actually designed so that most people would answer yes to at least one. Questions like, are you ever sad or blue would normally get a yes as we all have an off day. The agreement was that medical doctors would then refer a patient who said yes to any question to a mental health doctor – the deal was created to be sure there was continued business. There was some other part of the agreement so that the mental health professionals would end up sending patients to doctors but I don’t remember that information.
In our state at the age of 13 many doctors and nurses encourage the children to go into the exam room without parents. They also have questionaires they are suppossed to ask the children with questions such as, are you sexually active, are you attracted to men/women/both, do you take drugs, wear a seatbelt, drink alcohol, feel your parents are too strict, feel unsafe at home, have a good relationship with your parents etc…
I personally feel asking my minor child about sexual issues is a violation. If I have raised my child to remain pure in body and mind, then the medical establishment has just violated my child. I also do not appreciate them trying to give my child advice about what sex they should be attracted to and what they should do about it. Medical professionals in our state are suppossed to refer my child to a counselor who will encourage them and help them explore their feelings if they say they are attracted to the same sex.
Then there are all the leading questions such as do you have a good relationship with your parents. How many teens are going to say, oh yes! Most teens at one point or another are upset with their parents for the rules and choices they are given at home! This is not a sign of abuse or need of intervention.
I’ve even seen pediatric nurses embarrassed and having a hard time asking some of these questions of my pre-teen son. When asked, the nurse said it was required, she had to in order to keep her job.
So, in my opinion, the most important thing to do is to talk to your child and educate them ahead of time. Discuss what kinds of questions may be asked of them. Teach them they have the right to say they will not answer a question because it is a private matter. If you are in a state like mine, let your child know ahead of time they may be asked to go into the exam room without a parent. I always tell my child if you feel you would be more comfortable without me I am fine with that but if you’d rather me be there it is completely your choice and no one can tell you otherwise.
Thanks Laura for that in depth comment. I knew it was mandated but had no idea how or what the drs and nurses thought of it. You are right that we need to prepare our kids. Wish I had known before my son went. Never had this happen before.
I’ve had the questions asked repeatedly in the same appointment. Strange, huh? We have a unique situation in that one of my special needs children is a teenager how has language learning issues, including speech-he also has memory issues. He is homeschooled but is covered under a private school umbrella and not under the county. So when asked what school he attends, he forgets or doesn’t say it correctly. I always have to answer. I used to work in the medical field also and it is sometimes assumed that if a parent answers for a child, it could be a possible indicator of abuse or too much control by the parent. I’m always concerned about what the doctor will think. Especially when this same child can’t remember our address and phone number and such things no matter how often I teach it to him.
That was suppose to say “a teenager who has” not “how has”. Oops.
Wow – it’s shocking isn’t it? However the flip side is that there ARE many children who are abused emotionally and physically as children – and no one intervened in their case – I’m sure they would have been glad to have been “taken away” – I have 2 very good friends who fall into this category. This is probably why they interrogate EVERYONE now. Not fair. But it simply must happen so that all children are safe. It’s a conflicting subject to be sure as many innocent parents have been accused and that is not right.
I know and some of them NEVER get questioned. I think the system is broken because they are trying to find a one size fits all solution for a very complicated issue that is quite different for each person/family. People are no longer empowered by common sense and independent thinking but by a rigid formula. God didn’t make cookie cutter people. I’ve said it so many times. There is no one size fits all solution. Instead, there should critical thinking, discernment and effective communication.
I do a workshop on this subject. How to safely navigate the medical maze. I encourage parents to be word wise. Be clear. The dr’s office or ER is no longer to time to be sarcastic or cute. Jokes and stories that do not directly relate to the issue at hand don’t need to be said.
There are also “special populations” that are watched extra careful for signs of abuse, special needs, elderly, non-verbal, and (to many professionals) homeschooled children.
God bless
Heather Laurie
http://www.specialneedshomeschooling.com
My kids (and I) get these questions all the time. What’s most ludicrous is when I am in the room… “Do you feel safe at home?”… right, like a child who does NOT feel safe is going to say, “Why, yes, as a matter of fact, mom abuses me often.”
My kids have had to say that they *want* me in the room with them. They’ve had to say, “That’s too personal… I’d prefer not to answer.” My adult children still often want me with them, and my doctor knows that, but others don’t. My 22 yo daughter is currently seeing a cardiologist. You bet she wanted me with her! Not only for support, but because two sets of ears listening are better than one!
I thought about that also. How silly is it to ask the child with the mom standing there if she is the one who is abusing him.
I once had a dr upset with me for coming into the room with my dd when he was examining her. It was for a shoulder injury torn ligament or something due to Karate. No bruises or anything. His argument was though that she was old enough to go in herself. Well, she was but I’m the mom and I wanted to know what was wrong and ask some questions and make sure HE didn’t abuse her!
Thank you Heather! Great advice!
On one hand it’s good of doctors to ask certain questions if they suspect that the child is being abused at home. On the other hand it can be very intrusive and bordering on plain nosiness.
I ALWAYS went in with our son when he was under age.
Great blogpost, JoJo!
I always go with my children when they visit the Dr, which doesn’t happen very often. The last time we went to the Dr was for my daughter, she ended up having strep throat. She hadn’t been sick, so therefore, hadn’t been to the Dr in about 2 years. The nurse gave me a very hard time about this and kept asking where else she went to the Dr. I spoke with the Dr about this…she said she’d talk with her nurse.
There’s NO way my children are going into that exam room with questions like those without me!
The argument that some children are abused, so all must be asked these questions is ridiculous. Sorry. The information they glean from those questions can certainly be used against you, if they so choose. Just homeschooling can be “cause for concern”.
My husband and I accompany each other into our checkups, there’s no way I’m not doing the same for my children. If a Dr has a problem with that, it’s time to change Dr’s.
Hi JoJo!
Well, it is not just kids who get these weird questions. When I found out I was pregnant back in May, I started looking for an OB. (This is my first baby since our move so I didn’t have one.) You wouldn’t believe the questions. “Did I feel safe at home? How many partners do I have? Does anyone in our home own a gun? Am I happy about the pregnancy? Was it a planned pregnancy?” Needless to say, I did not fill out the questionairre for those drs. that asked questions that had, IMHO, NOTHING to do with them caring for my baby! But I was shocked and dismayed. I thought it might only be here in WI but apparently not….. I think we really need to screen our drs. and find out where they stand on issues like vaccines, large families, homeschooling, etc. My husband always reminds me that it is a business and they work for us. We don’t have to blindly listen to them- OR fill out their forms!
Happy Thanksgiving!
mel
Unfortunately I never think to ask these things BEFORE I go in, but I have fired MANY a doctor in my lifetime.