Christian Communication Training
Who’d a thunk it? Pizza Hut has pizza!
On Word Wednesday, I brought you my post, Everything is Obvious…Unless it Isn’t. I thought I’d follow that theme this week for Friday Funnies with this picture a customer sent in to me a while back. I don’t have a record of who sent it to me. If it was you or you know who it was, please let me know so I can give proper credit.
Until then, you might want change your dinner plans ‘cuz Pizza Hut, apparently, now has …PIZZA!
By JoJo (What does the “D” and the fence mean?) Tabares
[This week’s Word Wednesday post is brought to you by the word “obvious” and the number of times it isn’t.]
I’m five foot nuthin’ so when someone doesn’t notice me standing in front of the sales counter, I don’t always blame them. I’m easy to miss. Last Sunday at church, I saw a young man who was drawing some amount of attention at the entrance. As my father has been known to say, he had a serious case of TALL! I think I came up to his belt buckle. ;D At five foot and no inches, I’m not so obvious. But as I’ll share with you in just a moment, not everything is as obvious as we might think and some things are more obvious than we care to admit.
Continuing with my Word Wednesday series of misused words, I give you the word “obvious” which can mean almost anything from “Everything I notice should be patently obvious to you!” to “I’m sorry. I didn’t happen to notice the big, pink elephant in the living room!”
My dh uses the word obvious often because it’s always obvious to him that “when you’re headed south, the sun should be over your left shoulder in the afternoon.” or was that the right shoulder in the evening? Maybe that was Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory with the lead pipe? Is that really obvious to everyone? How many directionally challenge folks do we have out there who have no clue how to tell west from south especially when the 101E goes south? Some things that are obvious to us are not, in fact, obvious to others. I was born without that direction gene. Either that or it fell out of my ear when my mother burped me as an infant. It’s not “obvious” to me and since we’ve been married for 23 years during which time I’ve asked him for directions to back out of our driveway, I thought that would be rather “obvious” to HIM by now!
My dh also has a habit of nodding one way when he means for me to look in another direction. It seems to be a family thing for my SIL does the same thing and seems to understand that it’s “obvious” that when he nods left, he really means for you to look to your right. Is it, also, obvious when your dh said he’d be home at 5pm for dinner, but decided to work late that day because he told you six months ago that his boss would probably be leaving for China?
Soooo…everything is “obvious”…unless it just isn’t! But what about the other side of the coin?
Did you just say you were a tulip on a cow train? I know I wasn’t really paying attention to you and little Billy was screaming something about a jewel up on a mountain, but you should be more clear when you speak! In case you were wondering, there actually is communication arithmetic: 1 speaker + 1 listener = effective communication. Yes, it’s true that the communication breaks down when the one speaker isn’t clear. It’s also true that it does so when the one listener really isn’t paying attention. Someone can send a clear message which gets scrambled during translation on the listener’s end.
Ever have those days when your brain just doesn’t work right. I sure have! In my peri-menopausal state as a busy work at home-school mom, I have had occasions when my “listen button” is defective. Or times when I read something and completely miss the very “obvious” and clear point being made. That’s because I’m listening with my brain in fast forward. My fault. I hate it when that happens because I have to admit to the speaker or writer that I was just too preoccupied with my own stuff to have paid closer attention to what they were trying to tell me. It almost says to them, at that moment in my life, they weren’t important enough for me to give them due attention. 
So what do we do when things aren’t as “obvious” as we thought or when things were much more “obvious” than we’d like to admit? Admit it and rectify it! If your email pal points out how you never did give her a time for the party, admit it and give her the answer she seeks. Don’t tell her it was “obvious” because you had talked about this party only six months ago! lol Conversely, if you missed her party because you didn’t notice the invitation in the mail (the one marked 3x in red pen with “6pm Friday, February 6, 2010”), please don’t blame the host for not calling you on Thursday night to remind you. You missed it! Admit it, apologize, move on.
Everything in life is obvious…unless it isn’t! Be wise enough to know the difference and gracious enough to admit when you are wrong.
Oh, if you’re wondering about the “D” and the fence… I don’t usually watch football (I can see some of you already laughing at me, but for those of you who still don’t know why, I’ll continue). My son was playing PoP Warner football a few years ago. I don’t understand much about football except that the Minnesota Vikings have purple uniforms and my 46 lb son could fly several yards during a scrimmage. So my son wasn’t on the field and I was bored. Looking around at the crowd, I saw someone holding up a wooden letter “D” and a tiny little wooden fence. Naturally, I turned to my dh to clue me in, “Why is that man holding a “D” and a fence? (Okay so now more of you are laughing at me, but for those as clueless as I was, I refer you to the meaning of the word “Defense.”) You are now free to giggle hysterically.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer. Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula, including Say What You Mean Defending the Faith. You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com. For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com
Instead of a Friday Funny this week, I bring you this amazing commercial. I can’t remember how I found it now, but it’s an incredible example of nonverbal communication. No words are uttered during this ad, but it most certainly gets the point across with pin point accuracy. It also elicits such a range of emotion, but leaves you with a warm fuzzy feeling. Enjoy and please leave a comment with your thoughts.
Blessings to you and your family from Art of Eloquence.com!
If Shakespeare can do it, so can I! I just invented a word: “reascuses” (ree-sku’-sez). “Reascuses” are when the line between reasons and excuses is intentionally blurred. “Reascuses” are…well… Take a look at my latest JoJoism:
JoJoism#49 “A reason is what I have for not doing something for you. An excuse is what you have for not doing something for me.” JoJoisms: Revealing Life’s Truths…as i think of ’em!
My reasons are often in conflict with your excuses and so the lines are blurred to make the excuses appear more like they are reasons. Any excuse I give is really a reason and any reason you give, if it conflicts with what I want to hear, is an excuse!
For example, when I want you to come to my party on Saturday and you say the reason you can’t come is because you have to help your mother move, that’s really an excuse because you can’t help her move ALL DAY! I happen to know that your mother goes to bed by 8pm every night. You’ll HAVE to be done by then and the party will be going on til at least 2am! And what do you mean you’ll be tired?
Merriam Webster defines reason as “a rational ground or motive”, “sufficient ground of explanation or of logical defense” or a “cause.” Excuse is defined as “something offered as justification or as grounds for being excused” or an “apology.” So a reason Sarah broke the vase is because she was a bit careless. An excuse for why Sarah shouldn’t be held accountable for the broken vase is because her mom shouldn’t have put a vase where Sarah was not likely to notice it.
I once was a Claim’s Rep for a large insurance company. My insured phoned to say he had rear-ended someone. His “reason” was that she was illegal and shouldn’t have been in the country anyway. If she hadn’t been in the country illegally and driving a car without a driver’s license and hadn’t stopped for no reason in the middle of the freeway, he wouldn’t have hit her. While this may be true, it’s an excuse, not a reason. It didn’t change the fact that he and his insurance company were responsible for her damages. He should have noticed that her car stalled in front of him. He should have been traveling far enough behind her to have given him enough room to stop after noticing she was slowing down to a stop.
“Reascuses” are quickly replacing reasons in our society. Why? Because nobody wants to take responsibility for hurting another. Very few people leave a note on a car they accidentally hit on the way out of a parking space. They don’t want to be financially responsible for the damages so they create a “reascuse” that says it’s okay because it’s just a little dent and nobody will ever know. It’s not like I meant to do it! It’s not like I can afford to pay for it. And besides, he’d probably do the same to me. I have four dents in my car from where other people ran into me and never owned up and those dents are MUCH BIGGER than the one I left on this guy’s car. His car already has dents on it and it’s an old car anyway. He probably would just take the money and never get the car fixed anyway!
The problem with “reascuses” is that they build expectations of behavior in others that set us up for misunderstandings, conflicts and hard feelings that may never be resolved. If any reason you give for not coming to my party is simply an excuse and unacceptable, that leaves very little wiggle room for anyone when life happens. If Sally doesn’t come to my party, she is a bad friend. If Sally doesn’t help her mother move, she’s a bad daughter. If Sally does both, she’s a bad employee because she’ll be tired all day Saturday when her boss planned for their staff meeting. Poor Sally can’t win!
Today’s society justifies bad behavior and ill treatment with “reascuses” based on the belief that what I need and want always takes precedence over what others need and want. And freedom of speech means that not only do I have the right to voice my opinions, but I have the right to make you agree with me. Hubert Humphrey once said, “The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.” We have the freedom to speak, but others have the freedom to accept or reject our thought process. That’s why communication requires skill. It takes some amount of skill to express yourself in a way that others will understand you, accept what you say and allow it to persuade their actions in your favor.
If we are going to pit my reasons against your excuses, my reasons will always win in my mind and your excuses will always triumph in yours. If we truly wish to communicate effectively, we’ll both need to explain ourselves in the light of truth. And the truth is that there are many reasons why things happen in life. Some of them may not seem valid to us from where we sit and some of them may only seem valid to us from where we sit.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication. Her Christian and humorous approach to communication skills has made her a sought after speaker. JoJo’s articles have appeared in various homeschool magazines and websites such as Dr. Laura.com. Her Say What You Mean curricula is endorsed by The Old Schoolhouse Magazine and her eBook, Say What You Mean When You’re in Business, has been used by direct sales leaders and small business owners alike. For more information, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com
Much has been said about how differently men and women communicate. But not much more has been said in such a funny way. Wives, pay attention. This could help you communicate with your dhs on the highest level. I give you Jeff Allen, on the power of underwear and being direct.
By the way, I just did a post on Communication Pet Peeves and this is one I hear from husbands all over the globe. They wish their wives were more direct.
For more fun with communication, visit Art of Eloquence.com!
Last week I talked about the misuse (and overuse) of the word “literally.” This week, I continue my series of misused words with the word, “Expert.” Expert is another word that has “literally” been overused to the point of being lost in meaninglessness. With so many able to claim expert status on the net, everyone is an expert in something these days. Aren’t you?
If you’ve been on Twitter for any length of time, you will notice a huge influx of Marketing Experts and Social Networking Gurus. I’m followed by at least one per day! Hundreds of them per day spam my Twitter and email accounts with things like, “How to get six million followers before lunch!” and “Make money in your sleep!” or “What simple, yet morally questionable, trick will help get a bagillion people to buy your stuff?” Okay, it’s not exactly like that, but I’m close, right?
It seems everyone who’s anyone is an expert guru these days. The word expert has come to be used more like a title that comes after your name: Mildred P. Widdlewaddle, Marketing Expert. Claiming to be an expert these days can either sound a bit pretentious or incredibly silly. You know… Mr. John Q. Public, Esquire. MBA, PHD, DDS, XYZ, Sock Aficionado, Avid Breather, Expert Typist and Marble Guru.
I have become uncomfortable with the term expert. So many call me a Communication Expert. True, I have studied it for many years, but I don’t feel comfortable claiming expert status when there are so many who have more training than I. I’m just an average Jo (Jo) who has studied this topic a long while and loves to teach it in creative and humor-filled ways.
Most use the term because I happen to have a degree. Frankly, my degree in speech communication wasn’t all that trained me in the art of eloquence; it was just the beginning. I have since received a much higher degree from the school of life. I have used my training for over 25 years in business as an employee, trainer, manager and business owner, as well as a wife of almost 23 years, a mom for 20 years and homeschool/co op teacher for ten. However, the reason people look for experts is not because of what it has done for that expert, but what she can do for them. It isn’t their titles or pedigrees that makes them someone people can learn from. It’s their experience and the way in which they present themselves.
Merriam Webster defines an expert as “one with the special skill or knowledge representing mastery of a particular subject.” More important than what I have mastered is what I can help YOU master! It does you no service if my expertise has allowed me to reap benefits in my life. It matters not what that Marketing Guru can do that benefits his business. At the end of the day, it’s what he can do to help YOU. And that, my friend, takes a little communication skill.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication. Her Christian and humorous approach to communication skills has helped thousands feel comfortable enough to increase their skills for more personal and professional success. For more information on how JoJo can help you and your family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com
I don’t drink, but there are two alcoholic beverages that had such funny commercials, I just had to post them. I posted one from Dos Equis The Most Interesting Man in the World. This one is for Bartles and James with a winter idea for a “Cooler Warmer.” It has a nice play on words and a fun spirit. Enjoy:
Please leave a comment with your favorite fun commercials and thanks again for your support!
Literally, according to Merriam Webster, the word “literally” literally means:
Main Entry: lit·er·al·ly
Pronunciation: ?li-t?-r?-l?, ?li-tr?-l?, ?li-t?r-l?
Function: adverb
Date: 1533
1 : in a literal sense or manner : actually <took the remark literally> <was literally insane>
2 : in effect : virtually <will literally turn the world upside down to combat cruelty or injustice — Norman Cousins>
Usage: Since some people take sense 2 to be the opposite of sense 1, it has been frequently criticized as a misuse. Instead, the use is pure hyperbole intended to gain emphasis, but it often appears in contexts where no additional emphasis is necessary.
People use the word “literally” when they literally mean it actually, really, literally happened. And it has become literally accepted to literally use the word “literally” as emphasis. Unfortunately, the overuse of the word “literally” has literally moved the word “literally” into literal oblivion leaving it literally bereft of all meaning.
So the word “literally” can sometimes literally mean literally the opposite of what the word “literally” literally means, however, it can be literally overused to the point where the word “literally” literally means nothing much whatever…literally.
Words mean things, don’t they? Stay tuned for next week’s edition of Word Wednesday featuring another misused word or term.
What’s in a name? A child by any other name would perhaps…just be silly!
When I was pregnant with my first, and we thought she was a boy, my father came up with a name for him that would have necessitated psychological counceling. Are you ready? Horace Morris. Yes, he would have been Horace Morris Tabares.
No! We didn’t name our son Horace Morris (Dad was kidding), but there are some celebs who have named their children things that sound equally as ridiculous:
Jermaine Jackson named his dd Jermajesty. Penn of Penn & Teller named his child Moxie Crimefighter. The one and only Frank Zappa named his children: Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet and Diva Thin Muffin (My personal favorite.).
Forest Whitaker’s SON’s name is Ocean. Sylvester Stallone’s dd is Sage Moonblood. Jason Lee’s son is called Pilot Inspektor and Nicolas Cage’s son is Kal-El. (I think Nick had been watching too many Superman movies.)
Then there are other folks who named their children: Tu Morrow, Fifi Trixibelle, Audio Science, Crystal Blue Persuasion, Seagrim 7, O’rangejello (I guess he liked Orange Jello!) and Repeter! (Repeter would, of course, be Peter’s son whom they didn’t want to name Peter Jr.)
But the one that takes the cake for me is Tea Leoni and David Duchovny who named their kid, Kyd! Now THAT’S original!
Got any you’d like to share? Post a comment. And remember, to name a child something silly is a “Terra Bell” thing!
I was cleaning up my draft file a while back and found 109 articles or series of articles that I never finished. This one spoke to me and I thought I’d post it now.
You may never know it by listening to political rhetoric, TV commercials or the main-stream media, but words actually mean things. Specific things! If we allow ourselves to get caught up in the current trend to re-define words and to use them as we see fit, we end up saying nothing of value. If we don’t realize that today’s societal trend is to adopt a Shakespearian attitude in applying meanings to words, we may be fooled into believing something that just isn’t so.
In the next several weeks, I will be sharing some of the ways in which words are misused or even purposely used incorrectly and how to discern the truth by paying close attention the real meaning of words.
This week’s word is…Natural. Natural is a word misused by the advertising industry and is one of my Dad’s pet peeves. Natural means “existing in or produced by nature : not artificial.” (Merriam Webster.com) Let’s take a look at some of the ways in which the word natural is used in advertising.
*All Natural *Natural Goodness *Naturally Good *Naturally Delicious
“Natural” is an advertising technique. Advertisers use the word “natural” in a way that leads you to believe that, if it’s natural, it has to be good for you. This is not always true. Here is a short list of things that exist in nature that are NOT good for you.
—-
• Tornadoes (and other Natural Disasters)
• Scarlet Fever (and some people reportedly die of “Natural Causes”)
• Cocaine (but this is not what you would consider a Natural High)
—
Why is this an important distinction? Because not everything that is advertised as “natural” is natural and not everything that is natural is so good for you. There are things that exist in nature that are not good for you when taken in large amounts-like salt. If you drink too much water in a short period of time, you can die. We know this from the radio stations that have had water drinking contests with disastrous results! “Natural” potato chips may be better for you, but if you eat too many, you will still gain weight. If you eat them exclusively, you are not getting the nutrition you need.
I remember a Bill Cosby stand up routine where his wife asked him to get breakfast for the children. His young dd wanted chocolate cake, which was already made and easily served. He argued that it had natural ingredients like flour, eggs and milk. Though his children were singing praises to dad for the chocolate cake with natural ingredients, mom didn’t believe it was a good choice for breakfast.
Related to all things natural is the word “Organic”. Organic foods are all the rage lately. Naturally good for you. Consumer Reports did a study several years ago about Organic Foods. They determined that organic foods containing no pesticides were no more healthful than those that used pesticides. Actually, they determined that some organic foods might contain a larger amount of micro organisms for which the pesticides are used. In fact, it found that it can be dangerous to buy organic fish and seafood because fish can contain mercury, which is also natural.
Many products use the word “natural” in order to get you to buy them, but some of them are really not very good for you. Fruit snacks may have natural flavoring, but I wouldn’t suggest my kids eat many of them. Something may be listed as “All Natural” but if you read the packaging, you’ll find that not all of the ingredients are natural.
In general, it is true that things are better the way they are created by God in nature. However, not everything labeled as “natural” really is and not everything that is natural is really good. Remember that the Lord gave the Jews many laws, the purpose of which was to protect them from some of the more deadly things that are “natural”.
Words mean things, don’t they? Stay tuned for next week’s edition of Word Wednesday featuring another misused word or term.
