Communication Articles

Nine out of ten of you won’t read this, but you SHOULD!

March 4, 2013 by Art of Eloquence

Announcement: Due to my health issues, I will only be writing posts for the Art of Eloquence blog once a month. If you would like more information, tips and free gifts, please subscribe to our twice monthly newsletter.

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Have you noticed that some of social media posts will garner tons of “likes,” retweets, shares, and comments, but others…well…they just don’t? It seemed to me that the ones that are the most important are commonly in the latter group. Frustrated, I looked deeper into this issue and was surprised by what I found. I think you will be too, but it’s an important communication lesson for us all in the Technological Age. By the way, I encourage you to read through to the end of this blog post. You’ll see why when you get there.

That old saying “I’m just too broke to pay attention” is becoming a sad reality in today’s society-especially in light of the current and equally sad economy. Do you ever feel like people don’t pay attention to what you post on Facebook or read your emails? Well, I ran an extended experiment on my fan page, Facebook wall, Twitter and Google + accounts and found some very interesting results.

What I Noticed

* Over the last several years, there has been a steady decline in newspaper and magazine subscriptions in favor of finding snippets of news on Facebook, Twitter and other internet forums.

* In the last few years, there has been a marked increase in the number of times I’ve had to play email volleyball in order to clarify something that the other party had inexplicably missed in my original communication.

* In the last year or two, more and more friends of mine were unsubscribing from newsletters, blogs and email lists that they once were quite involved in.

* Recently, there is a significant decrease of discussion on blogs and about online newsletters.

* Quite recently, there has been a distinct increase of memes and pictures posted on social media.

The Experiment

I conducted an extensive experiment on both my Facebook fan pages, my Facebook wall, Twitter/Google + account, my newsletter and my blog for the last year or so. I posted all manner of media including videos, blog posts, notes, pictures, memes and one liners.

The Results

Pictures (memes) get the most likes and comments. Anything with more than a few lines of text get very few. Links to articles, newsletters or blog posts don’t get read or responded to much because people have to take the time to click on it.

So, the more removed something is from where people see it and the more words it has, the less response there is. Further, the less likely that response reflects that the person had actually READ the article, listened to the audio or watched the video–even if people say they are interested in the topic.

Controversial topics garner the most response with unique comments about frustrating issues people are currently facing (especially if the comment has only a few lines of text) coming in second.

So Why Don’t People Read Anymore?

They’re just too broke to pay attention! Most people are so busy trying to make a living that they no longer have time to make a life. They run from family functions to kid’s activities to shopping to work and back home again, home again jiggety jig. Too busy and too involved in their own stuff to pay attention to their friends, neighbors and extended family.

What to Do in Order to Get Your Ideas Across these Days

If you are trying to get a message across for ministry or business or a cause you support and you want to make sure your thoughts get noticed, start first with picture (meme) that has little to no text, but in a creative way asks a provocative question or makes a unique or humorous statement. Then, as people comment on it, introduce your supporting ideas and details.

Do You Read?

Be honest. Have you ever been caught having to admit you hadn’t read someone’s email thoroughly? Have you ever posted a comment on Facebook only to find you had completely misunderstood his post because you hadn’t read it carefully? Have you ever tweeted a reply based on a Twitter article title and discovered egg on your face because you hadn’t actually READ the article which had nothing to do with what you thought the title suggested?

My Challenge

I challenge you to read what you may not think you have time for and to take the time to read it carefully. You just might learn something that will bless your life or the lives of others you know. You will save yourself time in the long run because you will truly understand what is being communicated to you and you will reduce the amount of conflicts you have with others because you’ll get it right the first time. I challenge you also to pass this blog link around to educate and encourage others to take the time to read.

Thank You

Another advantage of taking the time to read fully and carefully is that sometimes you are rewarded for doing so. It’s kind of like staying in the theater after a movie and watching the credits. My dad likes to leave the theater as soon as the movie is over. My dh and I always stay til the very end of the credits until they turn the lights back on. Why? Very often at the end of the movie is a bit of fun, a surprise or a story resolution you’d never know about unless you stayed and paid close attention. Sometimes it’s the best part of the movie!

If you’ve read all the way through this, admittedly, very long blog post, I’d like to thank you! I will put the names of all those who leave a comment with their thoughts/experiences and say they shared this link with others into a drawing for a free gift or a gift certificate. Your choice. You have until the end of the month to do so before I draw a name. Please make sure to have your email address on your comment so I can contact you if you are our winner.

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If you liked this post, read…Seven Reasons Why YOU Should Sign Up for the Art of Eloquence Newsletter! This month I’ll be sharing newsletter articles on two other disturbing communication trends you need to know about and what YOU can do about them!

NOTE: And don’t forget to check out our incredible Fire Sale this month! Here’s what one customer had to say: “I can’t believe the awesome deal that you are offering on this set of e-books, JoJo! I just ordered mine! These are totally amazing! Thank you for such a great deal!” -Candy F.

CONTEST WINNER: April!

Congratulations to April who posted her comments and shared this blog post (actually several times) on March 4th! I am notifying her via email so she can obtain her prize! Thank you all for posting your thoughts and for sharing the blog article with your friends!

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Filed Under: Art of Eloquence News, Communication Articles Tagged With: blog, broke, communication, economy, experiment, Facebook, newsletters, pay attention, reading, social media, Twitter

How to Communicate Love Part4: How do you know?

February 25, 2013 by Art of Eloquence

Pulling this month’s blog series all together, here’s what we learned from this blog series so far:

Words don’t always communicate love, but specific details communicate love more effectively.

Actions communicate love.

Thoughtful, personalized, and even inexpensive gifts can communicate more love.

How do you determine what your spouse considers showing love? Listen!

1. Listen to the comments your spouse makes when he/she receives a gift. Listen to what they don’t say. Read between the lines.

2. ASK! Trust me when I say that it doesn’t ruin the mystery if you go right up to her and ask what kinds of ways she likes to feel your love. It doesn’t destroy the space/time continuum if you ask your husband how he feels love from you. Ask and ye shall receive…the knowledge you need!

3. Pay attention. Pay attention to the little things your spouse does. Garner clues from the comments they make either about others or themselves. Did she just say she thought it was adorable how the husband in that movie did something for his wife? Did he just make a comment that gave you a clue about what he needs? Pay attention.

There are as many ways to communicate love as there are lovers. In order to find what works for your spouse, you need to listen, ask and pay attention. Use words, actions and gifts and strategically tailor them to your spouse.

Happy Valentine’s Day…all year long!

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Don’t forget to check out our Valentine Special where you can get two e-books that will help you and your spouse build a happier and stronger relationship! Plus our free bonus gift, 28 Days of Love: 28 scriptures, sayings and beautiful illustrations that will help you become better able to express your love for your spouse. It can be Valentine’s Day all year long!

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: actions, gifts, language, listen, love, love language, valentine's day, words

How to Communicate Love Part3: Gifts

February 18, 2013 by Art of Eloquence

Okay so we talked about words and actions that show love, but there is another way to communicate love and that’s with gifts. Does your gift need to be an expensive trinket or token? Not at all. In fact, the most precious gifts don’t cost much at all! What they do cost is thought, time and preparation.

I have an incredible niece. She’s a treasure. She recently had her 16th birthday and I wanted to give her something special. Instead of a nice article of clothing or an expensive piece of jewelry, I created a photo album for her to keep her memories in. I purchased a special photo album in her favorite colors and filled the first few pages with things that she loved as a child. I included a letter I wrote to her about how I watched her grow and what a lovely young lady she had become. I added pictures of her and her brother and some trinkets of things she treasured. And I told her to fill the remaining pages with treasures from her life as she begins adulthood.

The idea behind a special and treasured gift is to make it personal and infuse it with meaning. Personalize your gift. Let it be a reflection of what you know about them, what they need, their hopes and dreams.

It’s the thought that counts isn’t an expression we should remember because it excuses us from giving an appropriate gift or spending a lot of money. It’s one that should remind us of the way our gift should make the recipient feel: special!

Check back next week for my wrap up article and how you can find your spouse’s love language!

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: birthday, communciation, Dreams, gifts, hopes, love, personalize

How to Communicate Love Part2: Actions

February 11, 2013 by Art of Eloquence

Last week we looked at communicating love with the words we use, but there are so many other ways to communicate love! We often don’t even have to say a word to show someone that we love them. Here are just a few ways:

1. Hugs

A hug is a love language most people understand. Sometimes no words are necessary. The hug has healing powers. It transforms empty words into a feeling like nothing else can.

And how long should a hug last? A quick hug is what guys do for each other. They don’t want to linger too long over a hug with another man. But a hug between spouses should last longer than it takes to regain your manhood.

Hugging and cuddling should be a regular part of your communication with your spouse. Have you hugged your spouse today?

2. What we do

Nothing says I love you like gas! No really. My dh always fills my car up with gas. We’ve been married 26 yrs and I can count on my fingers the number of times I have filled up my tank. He does this so I don’t have to go out and so I always have enough gas to get me where I need to go.

I’m sure he doesn’t enjoy getting me gas. After all, he has to do it for his own car as well. But the fact that he takes the time to do things he doesn’t really want to do so that I don’t have to do it, just makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over. What about you? What does your spouse do for you that makes you feel his/her love?

3. Offer to help

Another way we can communicate love to our spouse or others is to offer to help with something. Ever have a need that someone offered to help with by supplying you with the money to do whatever it was you needed to do? I’m sure that was appreciated, but don’t you appreciate it more if the person took the time to come help?

Ideas:

Offering to bring over a meal when someone is sick.

Doing the dishes for the wife when she is tired.

Offering to take the kids for a few hours so someone can rest.

Helping an elderly neighbor clean her house or offering to do it yourself.

Actions speak louder than words and they often convey more than just, “I love you.” Be someone’s superhero! But there are other ways to communicate love. Check back next week for part 3.

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: actions, communciate, gas, help, hugs, love, spouse, words

How to Communicate Love Series Part1: Words

February 4, 2013 by Art of Eloquence

Saying the words is only one way that you can tell your spouse you love them, but how many times have we heard people say things when they don’t really mean them? They say talk is cheap and it is. We allow words of hate to slip out of our mouths all to often and things are far easier said than done. How many of us gals ever dated a guy who said they loved us, but what he really meant was he WANTED to?

Unless the other party really feels your love for them, these words are almost meaningless. Ever have a fight with your brother after which your mother made you say you were sorry? You said the words to each other because mom said so, but you and your brother knew full well neither one of you meant it. How many of us, in our rush to get stuff done, have kissed our spouse and said, “love you” as you shuffle your papers to find your car keys? Forget our love language, sometimes we simply don’t act as if we mean the words we say.

If you’ve ever done this, and I suspect we all have, it can become a habit and then the words, “I love you,” become synonymous with “nice knowing you.” These words, spoken so frequently and with varying degrees of depth, become meaningless. After all, a stranger on the street could say the words and be telling the truth because he loves all people, but what does that really mean?

So how else can we communicate that we love them? Tell them they are special to you. Tell them WHY they are special to you. Compliment them and be specific about what you love about their personality, their smile, their talents. And it’s not just about how your wife looks, fellas!

The devil is in the details and so is the feeling of love. A stranger on the street may be able to tell your wife the truth when he says, “I love you,” but he can’t tell her what he loves about her because he doesn’t know her. What do you love about your husband? What does he do, not do, or say that warms your heart and makes your day?

Specific words will show your spouse the love he/she needs to feel. How else can we communicate love? Check back next week for part 2 of this month’s blog series!

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Make sure people know they’re special to you

January 14, 2013 by Art of Eloquence

Part of effective communication has nothing to do with the words we use, but our attitude.

Do you look them in the eye when you speak to people or is your attention divided as you text, talk on the phone, watch something on TV or read the paper?

Do you use generic terms when you answer them or do you give them specific feedback?

Are you warm and inviting? Do you tell them why they are special to you? Do you share your thoughts and feelings with them? Have you taken the time to offer help when needed? Really listen when they share?

Making people feel special is the building blocks of a good friendship. That involves several things:

Noticing things about others helps you to let them know they mean something to you. Are they wearing a new coat? Do they appear distracted? Have they recently lost a loved one? A job? Making a point to pick up on clues helps us to treat our friends and family members with more care, but picking up on these things is only the first step. Once you’ve taken the time to notice, you’ll need to let them know that you did-even if you are pressed for time. ESPECIALLY if you are pressed for time! Why? Because nothing says “I’m special” more than a friend who gives what little she has. If you give a little bit of the time you have when you are rushed, that speaks volumes to your friend about how special she is to you.

It’s often the little things we don’t always take the time to do in the modern rushed world that makes all the difference in our relationships. But what about when that relationship is already strained by a history of poor communication, misunderstandings and missed opportunities?

If you are looking to repair a damaged relationship, Art of Eloquence can help. Check out Say What You Mean: Avoiding, Reducing and Resolving Conflicts. Browse our free lesson at the bottom of the page. If you purchase this study, you’ll learn how to avoid conflicts or even reduce their effects so that you may build closer relationships with others.

Or sign up for this month’s webinar: Resolving Conflicts and get this study as a bonus gift!

Consider what a closer relationship will mean to your life and ask yourself if it’s worth a few dollars and a little of your time to have that again.

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Filed Under: Art of Eloquence News, Communication Articles Tagged With: conflicts, feedback, Feelings, listen, special, webinar

Isn’t it time to repair your relationship and resolve that conflict?

January 7, 2013 by Art of Eloquence

It’s a new year and, like all new beginnings, it comes with an opportunity. Each year, and each day for that matter, gives us an opportunity to renew old friendships, repair past hurts, and rekindle the love we once felt for our spouse.

Is there a friend you haven’t spoken to in a long time? Was it just because you hadn’t taken the time or is it due to a falling out? The longer we are out of touch with someone, the more difficult it seems to take that first step toward renewal or repair of a distant or damaged relationship.

Many people I talk to say they’d be willing to repair a relationship if only the other person would make first contact. The problem is that is usually what the other person is thinking. You are waiting for him and he is waiting for you.

Why not take the first step? I’ll bet you’d be surprised at how much less difficult it is than you thought it would be. Sometimes all it takes is hello to rekindle old friendships or even to smooth over a small misunderstanding. I challenge you this year to try. Your relationships are well worth the effort!

If you are looking to repair a relationship that has been damaged by a deep conflict, Art of Eloquence can help. Check out Say What You Mean: Avoiding, Reducing and Resolving Conflicts. Browse our free lesson at the bottom of the page. If you purchase this study, you’ll learn how to bridge the gap and repair old hurts no matter how long they have festered.

Or sign up for this month’s webinar: Resolving Conflicts, and get this study as a bonus gift!

Consider what you once had with that person and ask yourself if it’s worth a few dollars and a little of your time to have that again.

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: conflicts, friendships, hurts, love, New Year, relationships

What happens to our communication when we are thankful-Part 2

November 28, 2012 by Art of Eloquence

So far this Thanksgiving month, we’ve talked about why it’s often difficult to Praise God in the Storm, what God Says about Being Thankful, What Being Thankful Doesn’t Mean, some things that will help us to remember in trying to be thankful. I’ve given you some practical advice with tips on exactly HOW to praise God in the storm. On Monday, I shared what happens to our communication when we are thankful and today I have a few more consequences of being thankful.

1. Others find us more approachable

The old saying, “laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and you cry alone” is quite true. Unless you’re so delirious with joy that you seem a Stepford Wife, the more joyous and thankful you are, the more approachable you seem to others.

Nobody wants to approach a Gloomy Gus and ask him for directions. If you are filled with the joy of the Lord, you are apt to radiate that to others who will find you a blessing in their lives because they feel they can ask you for help.

2. Others aren’t intimidated by us or afraid of us or uncomfortable with us

When we aren’t grumpy or frustrated, we open ourselves not only for others to ask us for help so that we may be a blessing to them, but we allow others to feel comfortable enough with us to spend time talking to us. How can we hope to share the Gospel or our ideas if we make others so uncomfortable that they don’t want to be around us?

3. We show and communicate God’s love

Another advantage of being joyous is that we have an opportunity to share and demonstrate God’s love. It’s difficult to communicate God’s love for His children if we are grumpy, frustrated and angry. Being filled with joy and thankfulness allows us to share that joy and thankfulness with others, even if we don’t utter a word.

Well, that concludes this month’s series of articles on being thankful and praising God in the storm although I will be back on Friday with some reflections on thankfulness.

I pray this series was a blessing to you especially if you are experiencing struggles in your life at present. Please leave a comment with your thoughts on this topic, especially if this series of articles has helped you or someone you know to be able to cope better during a struggle. I’d love to hear what made a difference for you.

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: communication, God, intimidated, love, praise, storm, thankful

What happens to our communication when we are thankful-Part 1

November 26, 2012 by Art of Eloquence

All this Thanksgiving month, I’ve been sharing about how to Praise God in the Storm. I’ve talked about what God Says about Being Thankful, and What Being Thankful Doesn’t Mean. I’ve talked about how sometimes things that friends and family communicate to us can make our struggles more difficult and about things we can communicate to ourselves that can help us during struggles like some things that will help us to remember.

I’d never seen any practical advice with tips on exactly HOW to praise God in the storm and be thankful so I posted two articles on things we can do that will help us to be thankful and praise Him even during our most difficult struggles.

Finishing up this series, I’d like to share a bit about what happens to our communication when we are thankful.

1. Communication is easier

When we are happy, our communication is happy and easy. We are less curt with people and more grace-filled.

2. Open to good things rather than looking for the bad

People who are more joyous tend to look for the good in people which leads to not taking offense to things that aren’t meant as offenses and even those that are. This makes for easier conflict resolutions.

3. Communication becomes angry and hurtful when we aren’t thankful

The more thankful we are, the less angry we are. Anger leads to lashing out and often to hurting others. The more joyous and thankful we are, the less likely we are to be hurtful even if we don’t mean to be.

4. Become more Christ-like when we are thankful

Our communication is much more Christ-like when we are thankful and full of joy than when we are angry, frustrated and negative.

So the more joyous and thankful we can become, the more we communicate and spread that to others, but there are even more benefits to being thankful that comes out in our communication. I’ll share those on Wednesday.

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: God, praise, storm, thankful

HOW to praise God in the storm part 2

November 21, 2012 by Art of Eloquence

On Monday I shared some things we can do that will help us become thankful so that we can praise God in the midst of the storms of our lives. Here are some more things that have helped me over the years and I pray they help you as well.

1. Remember that joy and happiness are two different things

Keep things in proper perspective. Happiness, as defined by Merriam Webster as good fortune or prosperity, a state of well-being and contentment, joy or a pleasurable or satisfying experience.

Joy is listed as the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires, delight, the expression or exhibition of such emotion, gaiety, a state of happiness or felicity, bliss, a source or cause of delight.

So happiness is dependent upon external circumstances, whereas joy exists in spite of whatever is going on around us and is a result of what’s happening on the inside. You can still have joy even though you are not happy because you can have a hope because you are in God’s will and will be rewarded in heaven even if you aren’t here on earth. You can be joyous in your strength or your endurance or your obedience even if you are unhappy about your health or your finances or your relationships.

2.Do things that bring you joy

Look at pretty pictures of God’s world and remember how everything is delicately balanced for us and given for us to use. It’s hard to look at he beauty of God’s world and not feel some amount of joy.

Listen to uplifting music and sing along or sing harmony. I am a wanna be musician. I used to write songs and I was a voice major in college before I switched to Speech Communication. I can’t help but feel better when I hear beautiful music and sing along. It usually makes me feel better to sing along to praise and worship music sometimes the same song over and over again. Here’s one of my favorites:

Call a friend. Sometimes you need a real, living person you can talk things over with. Just talking through our feelings can help us feel a bit better because we have expressed them and someone cared enough to listen. Many times we aren’t looking for a solution because we already know what our options are, but sometimes we may be surprised as our friend’s ability to help us find one! Even if nothing gets resolved, you will probably find yourself feeling better just because you were able to share your feelings with a good and trusted friend.

3.Read encouraging devotionals

Not devotionals on being thankful, but ones that encourage you. BibleGateway has a devotionals you can subscribe to that I have found helpful: Encouragement for Today, Devotions for Women and Devotions for Moms. I don’t recommend the one called Standing Strong in the Storm because it’s mostly about people who have endured religious persecution. While that might be important to read and inspiring at other times, I find that they are not something we can relate to when we are in the middle of stress. Unless your struggle is religious persecution on a grand scale, I find I can’t relate to them and they make me feel bad for even being upset about financial or health or relationship issues which doesn’t help me feel any better about my situation.

4. Help someone else

I know it sounds a bit backwards, but it can often feel good to be the solution for someone else’s problem. Sometimes we are almost paralyzed by our fear or stuck in our sadness that we feel a complete lack of control over our lives. It can feel empowering or at least uplifting to be the solution to something, no matter how small the issue is. As they used to say back when I was a little girl, “try it; you’ll like it.”

You may not be able to become happy about your circumstances, but you can do things that bring you some joy. This joy will help us see the blessings God has put in our lives and this will, eventually, allow us to thank God and even praise him in the storm.

Now that we have a few things we can do that will help us become more joyous, next week I will share about what happens to us when we are thankful. What happens to our feelings and what happens to our communication.

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Filed Under: Communication Articles Tagged With: communication, God, happiness, joy, joyous, praise, prosperity, storm, thankful

How to Communicate Love Part4: How do you know?

How to Communicate Love Part3: Gifts

How to Communicate Love Part2: Actions

How to Communicate Love Series Part1: Words

Make sure people know they’re special to you

Isn’t it time to repair your relationship and resolve that conflict?

What happens to our communication when we are thankful-Part 2

What happens to our communication when we are thankful-Part 1

HOW to praise God in the storm part 2

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