What people won't do in public


Continuing with Perception Week here at Communication FUNdamentals blog, I bring your attention to the word perception and how things are currently perceived in society.  Last week on my Facebook wall, I wrote about society's current perception of manners.  I'll recap that a bit now and then I'd like to discuss society's current perception of what is inappropriate to do in a public setting.  You won't believe this...or, sadly, maybe you will. A few days ago, I took my son to his theater class.  I have to preface this a bit so you'll appreciate how blatant this was.  His class is upstairs in a tiny room so the kids hardly all fit in.  The parents wait outside in a small room, in the tiny hallway, or the small landing area on the other side of the hallway. The door to the parents room was open and there were several parents sitting in both of those areas as well as a few standing in the hallway.  I was in the hallway and could hear the conversations in both parent areas when I sneezed. I wasn't shocked when nobody said "God bless you," or some facsimile thereof.  I was a bit surprised, however, when not even one person so much as blinked.  It was a small area where even a whisper carried quite well.  You'd have thought the loud sneeze would have caused at least one to stop their conversation or look up.  Nope.  Okay.  But what happened in the next few seconds was shocking to me.  The woman across the way who had been sprawled out on the couch like it was her living room, sneezed.  I said, "God bless you" as did NOBODY else.  Nobody else even so much as blinked.  But she never said thank you, never looked up, never acknowledged me in anyway.  Even with her entire family in that waiting area on the couch next to her, she wasn't embarrassed enough at her rudeness to warrant even a belated nod. Apparently, this is the case all over the country.  Simple courtesy isn't perceived as necessary any longer.  My Facebook friends all shared similar stories of indifference and rudeness.  It saddens me as our perception of courteous behavior is one of the reasons our discourse is so curt and often full of outright anger.  We no longer have any regard for the civility and manners of the past generations.  Perceptions have changed. Then a few days later, I found myself at my son's Theater performance.  We were outside under an awning of sorts with a stage and a full audience.  It was about curtain time and all the parents and grandparents were seated waiting breathlessly for their dazzling darlings.  I wasn't surprised when several of the children were being rambunctious and almost none of the parents made so much as an attempt to round them up.  But then, in the middle of the audience, a girl of about 10 yrs of age began to pull her dress up and put on a pair of jeans.  I thought surely the mother, who was sitting next to her, would discourage undressing in public.  To my surprise, she made a vague suggestion that she could go into the bathroom while proceeding to help her daughter get fully dressed for the performance.  And I used to caution my 5 year old that pulling her dress up in public was inappropriate.  Well, those were the olden days, I guess. I thought that was the boldest departure from appropriate public behavior until the very next day.  I honestly don't believe any of you have seen anything like this before, but do tell me if I am being naive. In my day, you didn't put your elbows on the table and you didn't wear your PJs to the store.  You went into the bathroom to apply your lipstick and you were horrified to have to say excuse me if you happened to burp in public. Now I know that perceptions have changed a great deal with respect to these things.  It is acceptable even in fine restaurants to put your elbows on the table.  It is not considered a social faux pas to re apply your lipstick in public and in some places, public burping goes practically unnoticed.  However, am I showing my naivety to think that the following is still inappropriate in a public setting, let alone a restaurant? My son is in the Young Marines and was marching in the Veteran's Day Parade on Saturday.  By the time we were out of there, it was after lunchtime and we stopped at the McDonald's inside a Walmart to eat.  A casually dressed, yet well groomed young woman and her boyfriend sat down to eat in front of us.  As we (and several other patrons including this couple) were enjoying our food, the woman took a stick of deodorant from her purse and, still leaning over her food, applied it! I was shocked, horrified and a bit grossed out.  Nobody around me seemed even to notice. I was contemplating how society's perceptions of what is appropriate in public has deteriorated in my lifetime.  It was clear to me that manners are mostly a thing of the past and civility in communication is a casualty.  Still in shock at the Deodorant Lady, something happened to renew my faith in our culture if only for a bright shining moment. My son was done eating his Happy Meal and began to play with his toy.  He didn't know what would happen if he pressed the button and, as a curious boy, he had to find out.  Part of the toy flew across the table, right across my meal and landed on the floor.  After giving my son a look to discourage further "fly bys" and as I prepared to get up to retrieve it, a young father of two sitting near us got up from his chair and did it for me! While the public's perceptions of manners and appropriate public behavior has changed drastically as a whole, I am heartened to find some who still practice and no doubt teach their children to do the same. This brings my rant on my pet peeve of manners, civility and public behavior to an end, but  I'd love to hear your thoughts.  What do you think of Sneezeless in the Theater, Underwear Girl and Deodorant Lady?  Do they live in your city?  Please share.

11 comments


  • jojosblog

    Thanks for the RTs and the comments everyone. I am feeling less like the only person on earth who cares about manners and civility. Jean, I just guess it shocked me so that I couldn’t say anything. I also think it’s an uphill battle. I also don’t think she’d care. I have approached people before when I lived in California. You see some PRETTY WEIRD things in California! However, nobody thought what they did or said was wrong and thanked me (ever not so politely) to stay out of their affairs.


  • Jean Ann Williams

    JoJo,

    I, too, would have been appalled! At everyone of them, but the Deodorant Lady would have made me frown at her and not bite my tongue. I can so miffed at people, I probably would have said something a bit loud enough for her to hear, like, “I can’t believe what I’m seeing.” Just so she knew I thought her rude. I’ve been known to do that, because people need to know they lack common social graces and manners.

    Good post, JoJo.


  • cindy holman

    Wow – no we don’t have those in my town – however my husband works in the ‘wee’ hours in the heart of downtown Seattle sometimes as a contractor for Starbucks – and he has quite a few stories to tell when he gets home! And I have some Junior High students who don’t seem to understand about manners – but I usually blame the parents for that – because other kids that age are just fine with manners. It is usually modeled at home for sure.


  • Tweets that mention What people won’t do in public » Communication FUNdamentals -- Topsy.com

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by JoJoTabares, Carla Ives. Carla Ives said: RT @JoJoTabares: What people won't do in public these days.You aren't going to believe this one! http://artofeloquence.com/blog/public-p … […]


  • sagerats

    So far at least one person will still say something when I sneeze in public, but I have family members who feel that it is rude to acknowledge sneezing, and even ruder for us to expect an excuse me for burping, and so on, because it brings unwanted attention to that person. It causes embarrassment.

    I have never seen or heard of anyone putting their deodorant on in public, let alone while eating their food. That is pretty disgusting, and you have to wonder why it was that she was packing around her deodorant in the first place? Had she been in a major hurry and knew she wouldn’t have time to go home first, so she brought it along this once (still she could have used the bathroom), or is this a common practice for her? Next thing you know she’ll be whipping out a box of feminine articles and telling the lady at the next table how she has found them to be the best product on the market. Either that or salad dressing. I never did understand those commercials.


Leave a comment