Communication skills are so much more than making speeches. They are vital for every day life. Those in advertising know just how important a single word can be in making an impression on their client’s potential customers. However, I don’t think the authors of these little gems had a clue how it would come across… Take a look:
Interesting Ads and Signs
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
(For those times when you want to show you’re “all ears”!)
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
(That’s comforting!)
Save regularly in our bank. You’ll never reget it.
(I think I’ll regret that.)
This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.
(It’s always nice to know something was trashed by the best!)
For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
(Thanks for being up front about it.)
Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last
(Because you wouldn’t want to wait til the last minute.)
Stock up and save. Limit: one
(But will I have room to store all that?)
We build bodies that last a lifetime
(So do I. It’s just that my idea of a lifetime might be significantly limited by the amount of junk food I eat.)
See ladies blouses. 50% Off!
(Things are made so skimpy these days!)
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops!
(As I was saying…)
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
(How convenient!)
For sale: A quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
(Quite versatile!)
20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.
(I think I need a translator for that one!)
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
(Good because I have to hold the lever down manually to burn my toast at home.)
Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
(I don’t know…if I can’t find him, how could I give it to him?)
Auto Repair Service. Free pickup and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.
(That’s just what my neighbor said just after she sued her mechanic.)
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
(Now that’s getting a little personal, don’t you think?)
Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale
(My kids keep telling me that Christmas should come more than once a year.)
And now, the Superstore – unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
(Thanks for saving me the trip!)
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.
(Would that adjustment result in less tension or more?)
Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.
(Interesting marketing concept: Customers are either insulted or have no use for your product.)
Original quotes from ArcaMax.com with my added commentary
Perhaps they should have taken a few courses from Art of Eloquence.com?
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