I’m starting another new series called Communication Pet Peeves.  I’ll put these out about once a month or so, but I just have to kvetch about this  (My Jewish heritage coming out and I hope I spelled that right).

As a member of the non techie community, I have to say one of my biggest communication pet peeves is when I am in need of some “help file” and I can’t make heads or drivel out of the online manual.  It’s usually written in Tech-ese and I’m not even conversational!  Tech manuals usually start with step 67 moving quickly to steps 68, 69 and 70 followed directly afterward by step 107!

Um…Ya lost me!  Will someone climb down the technology ladder to step one and help me up?  I think the ladder is over here…oh, sorry, that’s the staircase.  Isn’t the ladder the same things as a staircase?  No?  They look the same…they both have steps.  Where’s the ladder?  Over by the what?  Oh, the living room.  I thought I was in the living room.  Oh, that’s the family room?  Sorry, they both have couches, but, yes this room is more family like, I guess.  Where?  Over on the west side of the house.  The west side…  Am I on the west side? If I turn left, will I be on the west side?  The south?  Can you just tell me to turn left or right. I don’t know which way is west or south.  Ok, I’ve turned right now I go five paces?  How long is a pace?

Does this sound familiar?  Do you ever feel like, “Hey, Techie Man!  If I knew all this stuff, I wouldn’t NEED the manual!”   Ever get an email that’s clear as mud?  I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve called web hosts like Go Daddy to ask how something works and hung up with a Tech Headache.  Go away, Daddy!

What techie people need to understand is that…wait for it…listen carefully now…

…NOT EVERYONE IS A TECHIE!

Yes, Trenton TechnoGuru, not everyone even understands the terms you use, let alone how to get to the data file or any other “flibberty jibbet.”  You need to actually tell me where that is. You may need to lead me there!  I need you to S P E L L it out for me, Tommy TechnoBabble!

Go to http://www.ThisIsTheExactPageINeedToBeOn.com and click the big, fat, red polar bear.  Click on the link in the middle of that page that says, “THIS IS THE LINK YOU NEED TO CLICK ON” and it will take you to that screen.

I have to say that my web designer/host has a fabulous way of giving instructions.  Traci sends a video showing all the screens I need to click through, one at a time!  She doesn’t design websites any more, but she does do some work for website owners.  You can check her out here!

There is a whole series of videos she made for her clients so that we Techno Ding Dongs can have the benefit her experience w/o her having to take more time or charge us for little things.  At least she thinks they are little things.  I love the way she works because she understands that non techies may not even know the right questions to ask.  She knows how to give you the information so that it makes sense.  Kudos to Traci, but she is only one of a very few techies who know how to talk to us non techie types.  She knows that the first rule of business is…”Never make your customers feel dumb.”

I’m apparently too dumb for most tech instruction manuals.  How about you?  Got any other communication pet peeves I should cover in future installments?  Speak up!  Just, please, don’t speak Tech-ese!

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Foot in Mouth Man (FIMM) is our lovable mascot here at Art of Eloquence.  A bumbling miscommunicator who sticks his foot in his mouth each month for your amusement and “confusement.”  He does it so often that he has Athlete’s Tongue!  However, there are some people I have encountered recently on social media and blog sites who are vying for the coveted title of FIMMpersonator of the Month and I thought I’d give it out to one lucky winner.

Communication doesn’t break down significantly if someone has a typo or two and, as my editor knows, I can’t spell my way out of a paper “bagg” so I’d never complain if someone had a grammatical error or a misspelled word here and there.  THESE FOLKS, however, make FIMM look like Hemingway!

Please leave a comment with your vote for this month’s Favorite FIMMpersonator. The names and other identifying remarks have been changed to protect the FIMMpersonators.  

1. Our first contestant is Twitter Twit: This follower wanted me to follow “him”.  His Twitter name is a marketing company, but he has a picture of woman’s chest with wet hair down her front, enough to see that she is “well-endowed by her creator.”  He posts articulate thoughts such as: “Built your success with one focus thought and massive actions”  and his bio reads: “Candy, love pink color and eating. Socialised and hangout with friends,clubbing and entertaining.” I’ll just bet (s)he’s got some fabulous thoughts on marketing, no?

2. Next up is Facebook Faux Pas.  There were a few men who sent me a direct message on Facebook like this one:

Hello Dear I am looking for friendship.i am an easy going i am good listener. i like long conversation. communication is an lost art now a days.  I am a very sincere person who like to treat a lady like a queen,lol.I guess you can say “OLD FASHIONED, I enjoy opening door’s, giving flowers, taking long walks, candle light dinners,i will like to know you more……..Donald.

Can you believe it?  Donald is single, ladies…but I’m  not!  Apparently Donald never read my bio where I share that I am a Christian WIFE and mother.  Donald also never bothered to send a friendship request. I guess he figures if he gets a girlfriend, she’d probably send him one!  ;D   Donald has nothing posted on his wall, has no friends and no information in his bio except what is listed in his direct message.

3. Our next FIMMpersonator, Pastor Potty Mouth, also hails from Twitter. I was following what seemed to be a nice young man on Twitter whose bio said he was in seminary to become a minister.  I hadn’t been following him long when he posted about how he doesn’t appreciate something.  He told his follower where they could go.  Of course, he used other, shall we say, more colorful language which included a word brought to you by the letter “F”.

4. Last, but definitely my favorite, is Blog Blunderer.  Our final entry was a comment found in my spam folder on my FortheLoveofPurple.com blog.

“Ilike to assert without any backing evidence whatsoever that the post author is [insert slur for homosexual  here] simply because this commenter does not agree with the post author and is unable to articulate a cogent argument, let alone a coherent sentence”

Blog Blunderer is apparently not articulate enough to insult me, your humble post author, but has eloquently insulted HIMSELF! By the way, this comment was posted on a blog entry that simply had a picture of one of my purple projects.  I guess he REALLY doesn’t like purple!  He gets my vote for FIMMpersonator of the Month!

Vote for yours!  I’ll let you know who our winner is tomorrow!

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I posted this about a year ago.  It got such a wonderful response that I thought I’d bring it back.  It’s a take-off on how a typical car salesmen would break down the price of a car.   I was thinking about what I do, which is really selling my words.  So accordingly, here is the breakdown of the price for a…

Word Salesman:

Words ……………………………………………………………………$14.95
Title Fee …………………………………………………………………..$1.73
Order Tax (ya gotta have the words in the right order!) …$20.99
Translation Fee (so my thoughts are in ENGLISH) ……….$10.75
Punctuation Accessories ……………………………………………$7.95
Adjective Fee …………………………………………………………..$4.95
Paragraph Charge ……………………………………………………..$2.23
PDF Handy Carrying Case …………………………………………$17.95
Years of Research and Education ……………………………$1059.72
———————————————————————————————————-
Total cost for one communication study! ………………….$1141.22

For more moderately priced Speech Communication studies, visit Art of Eloquence.com!

* Please post a comment with how you would break down YOUR products/services!

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For the next few weeks, I’m going to post a series of articles answering the typical questions homeschoolers are asked.  Each Monday, I’ll post answers to questions about socialization, college prep, and extra curricular events.   I’ll also deal with how to handle things when your children are grilled by folks who wonder, (as one anti homeschooler put it) “Does she KNOW anything?”

I’ve been homeschooling for over ten years.  I have taught every grade level and even graduated one student who went on to an elite university.  My children and I have been asked every homeschooling question in the book, but this week I’m going to begin at the beginning.

Why?  Why do you homeschool?  Why did you decide to homeschool? It’s a very common question asked by many people for various reasons.  You may think it has a simple answer, but you’d be wrong.  How many times have you been asked a seemingly simple question only to find the answer isn’t so simple?

Folks often ask me where I’m from.  Seems simple enough, but my life is not simple.  I often look for the reason they are asking.  Here’s what I mean.  If you are asking where I live, I’m from Arizona.  If you are asking where I just moved from, I’m from California.  If you are asking where particularly I lived in California, I’m from Southern California.  However, if you are asking where I grew up, I’m from New York.  (Spent most of my growing up years in New York.)  If you’re asking where I was born.  Then I’m from Colorado.  What if you are asking my heritage?  Well, then I’m primarily from Russia.  Perhaps you’re just looking to find out what department I came from in the store.  In that case, I usually am from the purse department! LOL

There are four basic reasons people ask why we homeschool and the best answer is going to depend largely on your ability to discern.

1. Public school parents who ask why I decided to homeschool may genuinely want to know, but they also fear feeling like homeschoolers think they are bad mothers because they don’t homeschool.  It’s important not to overwhelm them with all the statistics about how “homeschooling is so much better than public school” and how you “wouldn’t have it any other way.”  You don’t want to condemn someone for their educational choices just as we homeschoolers don’t want to be condemned for ours.

It’s best just to give a short answer with one of the reasons and leave it at that.  If they ask more about it, you know they really want to hear more, but again, you don’t want to make it sound as if you think any less of them because they DON’T homeschool.  Each of us makes the choices we do according to what works for our family.  I know some homeschoolers who only homeschool one of their children and some who homeschool all but one.  I know some who have homeschooled all the way through and some who just started when their son was in Jr High.

I usually say something like, “We wanted to give her more individual attention and tailor the subjects to suit her needs.”

2. Public school teachers who ask are usually asking because they don’t approve of homeschooling.  They are often upset that their school won’t get the public funds and that so many homeschoolers put down public education.  I usually tell them that we started off as sort of an experiment to give her more one on one education and then revisited the idea each year.  I let them know that we were apprehensive when we began which tells them that I understand their apprehension now.  I add that it just “worked for us” which tells them that I would understand that it might not work for others and so don’t condemn anyone else’s educational choices.  If they do become defensive, I may add that my sister’s kids are in public school and they are very happy there and doing well.

3. Someone interested in homeschooling usually asks because they are interested, but cannot understand how it might work for them.  I usually find it best to tell them a bit more of the story.  I share how we had moved into a home where the previous owners were homeschoolers.  With my dd going into the 5th grade of a private Christian school, my dh asked me to “look into homeschooling” as an alternative to the expense for private school.  I relate how I talked to as many people as I could and reported back to my dh that I wanted to give it a try, but he said “Whoa!  I only asked you to check it out!”  Then I follow up with how we decided to try it for a year to see how it worked and we never left it.  This allows the person to understand that it was something we, too, had difficulty with and that if we can do it, they might want to look into it too.

4. Someone who is openly anti-homeschool usually asks in order to show me up.  What they are actually saying is, “How could you ruin your kids like this!”  I actually had many in my family ask me this because my dd was so bright and doing quite well in private school.  I used to just say that it’s worked pretty well for us and leave it at that.  However, since I graduated my dd two years ago, my answer has changed slightly.  I usually tell them that I guess I didn’t do too badly.  My dd is in her second year at Vanderbilt University!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula, including Say What You Mean Defending the Faith.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com and hosting her weekly podcast, Communication Comedy Network.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

Stay tuned next Monday for more in my article series, “A Question of Homeschooling” when I will share another answer to a typical question homeschoolers are asked.

If you have a question you are frequently asked and would like me to include it in my blog series, please post a comment here or email me at jojo @ artofeloquence.com

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Email is the number one preferred method of communication these days, but is our email communication effective?  What renders it ineffective?  What could strengthen it and make it more persuasive?  When would it be best to just pick up the phone?  These are the issues I’m going to be covering in a new article series I’m writing exclusively for my newsletter subscribers over the next several months.  If you are not currently receiving our newsletter, you can subscribe here.

It started with this month’s newsletter article and continued with a discussion I had with my dad last week, but I believe most of the misunderstandings now take place over the internet.  Email, texting, social media and Yahoo groups are immensely popular ways to communicate these days.  As of February of this year, Facebook alone has 175 million people logging in each day (according to Facebook COO, Sheryl Sandberg).  Studies show that only 7% of face-to-face communication is made up of the words we use.  The rest is in our body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, etc.  This means that most of our communication with each other now takes place devoid of 93% of what makes up communication in a face-to-face conversation.

Apparently all our texting habits and email shortcuts are having an ill effect on our communication skills.  A study done in 2005 by the Journal of Employment Counseling revealed, “Employers said students needed stronger writing skills; more training on professional uses of e-mail; and additional education regarding self-expression, impression management, and avoidance of slang.”

This brings me to my discussion with my dad last week.  How much does society’s lack of effective email communication skills contribute to misunderstandings and hurt feelings? Does a person’s poor grammar, spelling, lack of punctuation, overuse of abbreviations and general lack of communication skills over email present an image such that what he says isn’t taken seriously?  And if so, in which situations is that most detrimental?

According to research, our general lack of effective communication skills combined with our reliance on technology instead of face-to-face communication is a huge societal problem.  I thought I’d conduct a little unscientific poll to see what my readers think about this issue. Would you mind answering 3 questions for me and passing this link along to those you know?  I’d love to get as many responses to this as I can before I begin my article series on email.

As the two men from Bartles and James used to say, “Thanks again for your support!”

1. Would you be less likely to be persuaded of something if it were presented by someone whose email or post was riddled with spelling and grammatical errors or who used words incorrectly?

2. Would you be less likely to consider someone’s business proposal seriously if it came in the form of a poorly written email?

3. Would you be inclined to think someone is less intelligent if his email contained multiple errors that were obviously not just typos? (using an incorrect word, repeated spelling errors, bad grammar, etc.)

BONUS QUESTION:  Do you have any email pet peeves?

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It’s that time of year again when people make New Year’s Resolutions and don’t keep them.

“Lose 20 pounds by July.”

…..“Start a new business and become independently wealthy.”

………………………………..“Organize my closet alphabetically and color code.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………“Quit smoking, again.”

I’m poking a little fun here, but these are all admirable goals.  The problem isn’t that they cannot be accomplished, but that we aren’t always serious when we make them.  And sometimes we aren’t always making New Year’s Resolutions about the things which are the most important to our lives.

First, most of us want things, but we are not always that willing to do what it takes in order to accomplish them.  We want to lose weight as long as it doesn’t require any exercise!   That would be why they sell so many diet pills.  We want to make more money, but we aren’t willing to invest in the things that will teach us how to get there.  That’s why there are so many “Get Rich Quick” programs on the internet and Marketing Gurus on Twitter.  Life’s not quite as challenging in many ways as it used to be and we prefer everything delivered in a nano second.

Additionally, sometimes we are so overwhelmed with the things the world feels are important that they obscure the the things that are really important.  Here are the most popular New Year’s Resolutions:

1. Lose Weight

2. Manage Debt

3. Save Money

4. Better Job

5. Get Fit

6.Better Education

7. Drink Less

8. Quit Smoking

9.Reduce Stress

10. Take a Trip

Was your New Year’s Resolution in there and was it the same the year before?  It’s interesting to me that among the top ten isn’t something like: get closer to God, read my Bible daily, do something for others, help others come to the saving knowledge of Christ, heal my marriage, build closer relationships with family, spend time with my children, help my neighbors…

When asked what is most important in life, most people will say God, children, marriage, friendships, etc.  So why the disconnect in what most folks want to accomplish in the next 12 months?  When we die, we won’t be content to look back having left behind a legacy of thinness, smokeless-ness and wealth.  We want to look back on our lives and see the lives we’ve touched.  We want to see what we have done for the Kingdom of God.  We want to know that our children have fond memories and ideals we have taught them.  We want to leave behind a legacy of memories that can only be created by strong relationships.

What most people don’t realize is that a strong relationship cannot be built or enjoyed without good communication skills.  You cannot have a relationship with someone without communicating with them.  So this year, as you think about your New Year’s Resolutions, please consider not just what you need or want, but what you can build.  Consider the legacy you want to leave behind.  Consider how you can build that legacy through strong, close relationships with your spouse, children, friends, neighbors, co workers and family members.  Consider spending a little time, effort and perhaps even a wee bit of money to accomplish these most important things in your life.

We believe that one of the best ways to do that is to invest in yourself (in your education) that will allow you to strengthen these important relationships.  Check out Art of Eloquence before you make those New Year’s Resolutions and see how we can help you achieve the MOST important resolutions of all: Stronger Relationships!

Happy New Year from the Art of Eloquence family to yours!

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Ok so it’s December 1st, 2009.  Wasn’t it just January?  Come to think of it…wasn’t it just 1995…about two years ago?  The older I get, the faster time goes by.  As my father always says, “Tempus certainly does fugit!”  They say time flies when you’re having fun, but I don’t remember having THAT much fun!

So how does this happen?  How do you go from being a young girl without a care in the world one moment to a 47 year old mother of a college girl and a homeschooled 10 y/o son the next?  As Lucy used to say, “Whahappen?”

So Christmas must be around 2 oclock today and 2010 is probably being held on Friday!  Are you ready? I’m not!  But I did spend a few millennia yesterday evening creating a really adorable CHRISTmas gift for all our newsletter subscribers and Facebook Fans.  It’s called “God is Everywhere.”   I will be unveiling it in about a week so, if you are not a subscriber or a fan club member, go directly to Sign Up or become a FAN!  Do not pass go!  Do not collect $200!

How fast does time fly for you?  Here’s a little quiz to help you along:

What year were you born-if you care to answer? (JoJo was born in 1962.)

What year were you married? (1987   That used to sound like 10 yrs ago!)

How old are your kids? (19 and 10)

How old were they yesterday? (15 and 6)

How old will they be tomorrow? (40 and 31)

I now return you to your life in progress…QUICK!  You might miss something!

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My dh took our son to CVS pharmacy to get his sports physical the other day.  I was shocked to hear the questions she asked him. It was like Child Protective Services questions asked of a child suspected of being abused.  They asked him if he felt safe at home and does he always wear a seatbelt, does he feel anxious or nervous.  I thought…is this customary for drs to ask here in Arizona?  According to friends and neighbors…IT IS!

My dh filled out the form saying he was homeschooled.  Do you think this had anything to do with the line of questioning?  I would have thought Arizona was less inclined to do things like this than California, but he was not asked anything like this when he did his sports physical for football.

My dh didn’t answer the question of immunization on the form, but I wonder what she would have said about that.  She did say he wasn’t due for his booster yet but asked if he had his immunization record and my dh simply said no.

What I am concerned about is that some dr, who doesn’t know me or my family, could interpret the answers to these questions in a way that would lead to my family being investigated for no reason.

I have seen cases in California where these seemingly innocent questions have lead to someone having all their kids taken away only to find a few yrs later that these allegations were completely unfounded, or worse yet, lies told by jealous family members or neighbors.  After which the damage to the family (mostly the children) was already done.  These questions don’t apply to most people, but they could lead to abuse without probable cause.

I wouldn’t object if they found my son in their office with bruises all over him or acting funny, but not as a routine where any 4 yr old could say something that might be interpreted by the untrained eye to be the beginning of years of devastation for a family.

Doctors are authority figures imposing to young children and these days to their mothers as well.  Parents afraid of a confrontation, who don’t know the laws and/or who are not effective communicators may say the wrong thing, be bullied into allowing a line of questioning that subjects their child to being badgered.  A young child may not know how to answer these questions or answer incorrectly so it may be misinterpreted.

If you allow the questions, you take the risk of you or your child saying something that might be misinterpreted as incriminating.  If you don’t allow them, you risk coming off looking like you have something to hide!

What say you?  Do you know your rights?  Do you know how to gracefully and efficiently get out of a situation like this?  What would you say?   Have you ever been asked these kinds of questions?  What do you think about this practice?  Do you think it’s inappropriate?

If you’d like some help in honing your skills so that you can be more assertive in situations like this, check out Say What You Mean Every Day over at  Art of Eloquence.com

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What’s in a name?

I think the thing that is most frustrating in communicating with someone is when you mess up their name.  Folks don’t mind too much of you mess up the town they live in or the name of their car, the school they went to, but their name is personal and I think folks feel like you are messing with them when you mispronounce or misspell their name.

Now my given name is Joanne.  Not very unusual, but I guess the way I pronounce it over the phone with my accent made it sound like something else.  I would often have to say it three times and then get, “Oh hello Jillian!”  UGH!

And don’t get me started on how to spell it!  I’d get Joanne, Jo Anne, Jo Ann, Joann, Johanne, Johanna, Joan and Jillian! LOL  Then I got married and my last name became Tabares.  Took ME six months to learn to pronounce it right!  Tabaras, Tobarus, Tobarez…ROFL

So when I started my business, I began to refer to myself by my nickname I had since I was a wee tot (Yes!  Even smaller than I am now!).  Joanne was my given name, but I gave it back!  Started using JoJo and you know what?  Everyone could pronounce it and EVERYONE could even spell it!  A 20 minute conversation were 15 minutes was spent explaining my first name became an efficient and succinct 5 minute call!

Do you have an unusual name? Do folks mispronounce it or misspell it all the time?  What do you do about it? Leave a comment and share!

JoJo (Alias Joanne, Johanna, Joan, Mom, Mrs. Tabares… and Jillian!)

Art of Elephants Eloquence!

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This week’s Talk Talk Show topic on the Communication Comedy Network is about Facebook Faux Pas.  In preparation for the show, I’m asking Facebook users to relate their pet peeves.  Not your problems with Facebook but rather your issues with other Facebook users.

For example, does it bug you when someone whose name you don’t recognize asks you to be their Facebook friend, but gives you absolutely NO information about themselves whatsoever?  No picture, no bio, nothing on their info screen????

Does it bother you when someone asks you to become a fan of Air or… BUBBLE WRAP?

Wha’ts your Facebook Pet Peeve?  Post a comment and/or come share your thoughts on the live show!

The Communication Comedy Network airs each Thursday at 8am PST/11am EST.

Join us via your computer: http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/19736

Or Join us via your phone: Phone Number: (724) 444-7444  Call ID: 19736

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