Communication FUNdamentals

This is a picture of the corner of one of the counter tops in my kitchen.  What do you notice?  What stands out to you?  If you said the fact that a piece of the grout is missing, you’d be one of the majority.  It kind of bugs me and I’ve been meaning to buy some matching grout and fix it, but the other day I noticed something about what I noticed.

Years ago there was a show I absolutely loved called Touched by an Angel.  One episode was about a woman who lived next door to a home for children with disabilities.  One of the children was (yet unknown to the audience and characters at the time) an angel with a disability.  At the end of the show he revealed himself as an angel not only to the woman, who had become disabled due to a stroke, but to the other angels.  When he did, he commented how God had made an angel with a disability to remind people not to look at what people can’t do, but what they can do.  During the entire show, even the angels treated him as if he was the sum total of his flaws.  Even when dealing with him, trying to help him and trying to allow him to help the woman who was their assignment, they saw him as half flawed.

Looking at this missing grout that bugged me so much, I failed to notice all the other grout that holds this counter top together.  I failed to notice the beauty of the counter top which I had initially loved because it wasn’t plain, white tile as were most kitchen counter tops I have had in the past.  It’s beauty had faded for me since all I could see was what it was missing.  And what was missing was a miniscule amount of grout.

People are like this counter top.  We have flaws.  Sometimes those flaws can be fixed, but sometimes they cannot.  Sometimes they are quite obvious and sometimes they are hardly noticeable.  One of my many flaws is that I am HTML Illiterate and Technologically Challenged.  Though it’s been quite difficult for me at times, I have learned quite a bit about how to blog, update my website and host online seminars.  I’ve “come a long way baby!”  Am I still a Techno Idiot?  Absolutely, but this techno ding dong can learn!  It’s a slow process, but it can be done!

Another one of my flaws is the fact that I have no sense of direction whatever.  I joke that I can get lost backing out of my own driveway and it’s not too far from the truth.  It is a source of frustration for me and for my family, particularly my husband who could find his way home after being blindfolded and driven across country… in the dark!  I just don’t have the GPS gene.  I’ve tried to develop my sense of direction in my last 48 years on this planet, but I fear it is a lost cause.

As a directionally impaired and technologically challenged soul, I have a difficult time with simple things like my TV remote.  I long for the old days when you had an “on button.”  Now turning my TV on involves pressing two buttons for the TV and two buttons for the Cable, that is unless someone left the TV in DVR or DVD mode in which case I have to call my 11 y/o son for help.  Apparently you need to push about six more buttons to resolve that!  With as little as I watch TV on my own, I’ve never seen the need to get trained in such matters.

My son knows how much mom struggles with things that are simple for him and so often he neglects to see my other good qualities.  His comments are sometimes spoken in a condescending way magnifying my flaws as if they make up the sum total of who I am.  Sometimes those condescending remarks creep into other subject areas for which I do have an aptitude, yet he will argue with me because he just knows he’s right and mom’s wrong.  After all, Mom’s not too bright if she can’t even turn on the TV!  This is when I need to remind him that I have learned a wee bit in 48 years and just maybe that song WAS around in the 60′s and wasn’t actually written for Shrek.

Are you a glass half full kind of person?  Or do you see it as half empty?  Have you ever seen someone only for their flaws?  Made a snap judgment about them and couldn’t see the blessings they had to offer? Ever run across someone who struck you as unintelligent, only to find they were a wealth of knowledge about something you treasured?  Have you ever thought someone weak only to discover their inner strength and the story behind how it was developed?

You know what else I have found about looking for people’s flaws?  If you look at the person as half flawed, you miss so much of the blessings God can give you though them. My engagement ring is a diamond.  It is not a flawless diamond by any means.  However, as I look at it, I don’t see the flaws.  They are too small to be seen with the naked eye.  I supposed anyone looking to purchase a flawless diamond would have missed the opportunity to have seen the incredible brilliance of this heart-shaped, well cut diamond sparkle and light up the restaurant when I was proposed to 23 years ago.

When we look for what we expect to find in someone, we are almost always able to see it.  Further, what we look for seems to become magnified as under a microscope which obscures anything we are not looking for at present.  In addition, when we look for someone’s flaws, we don’t see the blessing that is in that very flaw.  A person’s weakness may be his greatest strength.  It may be one of the endearing qualities that make him unique if we would only see it that way.  Finally, seeing someone as half flawed sets the tone for our communication with him.

The more you expect Johnny not to understand math, the more you speak to him as if he hasn’t got math smarts.  The more Johnny hears this communication, the more Johnny believes it.  What would happen if you began to speak to Johnny as if he could get it?  You know what happened to me when my web designer spoke to me as if I could understand my website?  I began to feel like I could do it.  The more competent I felt, the more I trusted myself and the more I learned.

So…the next time you are tempted to see someone’s faults, remember to look beyond the missing grout.  Look at the person as half blessed so your speech can reflect the whole of who they are instead of someone who is half flawed.

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula, including Say What You Mean Defending the Faith.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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My mother always told me that if I didn’t have anything nice to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all.  It seems that communication over the internet means you don’t need to look your victim, er, Facebook Friend in the eye.  Folks don’t seem to make it a point to be as uplifting and gracious as they are when face-to-face.  As I navigate the Information Super Highway, I often reflect upon this scripture, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Ephesians 4:29

A while ago, I had a little situation on one of the social networking sites.  I had posted an article and reposted some interesting things that others had seen fit to post.  I received replies from someone picking nits about the content.  I’ve had this happen a time or two before (I’ve seen it happen to others many times on the internet.) and always found it rather interesting.  I’m not going to name names or even the site it was on.  I post virtually the same things on all sites each day.  All I’ll say is that it was really just a case of nitpicking.

The people who pick nits rarely reply to anything in which they cannot find something to disagree.  They are usually not uplifting in any way and most often don’t bother to put things graciously, but instead prefer to show everyone how ignorant the other guy is and how smart they are in contrast.  However, in my experience, the nitpicker isn’t usually seen as smarter or helpful, but rather as picky and condescending.

If I disagree with someone, I usually find it best to send a private message unless it I feel it’s something that will lead others astray.  In that case, I will be grace-filled and loving in my reply.  For example, I might tell someone that I “look at it a different way” or reply “in my experience…” or share that “in my research…” or “my understanding is…”  I will usually assume the other party is simply mistaken, not a liar.  I almost always gently correct if I feel something is just not so.  It’s always better, in my opinion, to tell someone they are incorrect instead of callously stating they are WRRONG or a liar.

But I find that too many people on the web are unconcerned with being gracious.  And although Proverbs 16:24 says,  “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.“, I notice it among the Christian community as well.  I’ve talked about this before on the blog, in my articles and in my communication studies.

Sometimes it’s simply a matter of a mood we are in.  Sometimes we are just in a contrary frame of mind.  Perhaps we had a bad day so we look at things and notice what we disagree with.  This provides many opportunities to Tweet and Facebook our opposition in virtual anonymity, a tempting prospect that allows too many to fall into nitpicking.

My advice when you post on Twitter and Facebook (or any of the other social networking sites) is to stop before you publicly disagree with someone.  Yes, even an obscure post on Twitter or Facebook is a public post.  Reflect on these questions before you hit the “share” button:

1. Is it really a mistake or are you reading too much into it?

Are you perhaps being too picky, stretching the meaning, reading it out of context?  Is what they posted really a problem or are you looking for situations in which the statement could be taken another way.  Did the other party mean it the way you are interpreting it or are you pretty sure he meant it in a completely innocent way?

2. Does what you disagree with rise to the level that the person should be made aware of his/her mistake?

If the person did, indeed make a mistake or state an untruth, does it really need to be corrected?  I’ve written many times about my children and their creation of the Conversation Correction Patrol.  I even wrote a children’s ebook by that title once!  Sometimes we look for things to correct in other people, but don’t realize that there is no need.  The other parties involved know that Julie meant 12 noon and not 12 midnight for nobody in their right mind would have lunch at midnight.  The only thing you will accomplish by making a big deal of Julie’s mistake is embarrassing her.

3. Is it best to send the person a private message?

Is this something that should be handled personally or would it be received well if you posted it for all her Facebook friends to see?  Sometimes it’s more gracious to notify someone of a faux pas in private.  Think about how you might feel if someone yelled out at a party that you were so dumb as to think lunch was at midnight.  That’s more or less how it is received when you make a big deal of a small mistake in public (online).

4. If not, have you chosen the most gracious words?

If something needs to be said, even if it is in private, have you taken care to use the most gracious words you can in pointing out someone’s mistake or have you condemned them, made them feel dumb, or called them a liar?

5. Have you said anything positive, encouraging or uplifting to this person or are you only sending them replies when you have something negative to say?

Even if you have been gracious by pointing out something that should be corrected, take a look at what other communication you have had with this person.  Is the only time you have communicated with Martha been when you told he she was wrong?  Did you bother to say you’d pray for her when she announced she was ill?  Did you congratulate her on her newest project or promotion?  Have you uplifted her or have you replied to her only when you spotted an error?

Choose your battles and your words wisely.  Remember that just because you are right, doesn’t mean you are justified in saying so.  Sometimes you will win the battle, but hurt a friend.  “An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of the citadel.” Proverbs 18:19  Even if the person doesn’t take offense, this sort of “tug and pull” communication can be draining.

I know that some people see errors glaring at them and feel they just have to point them out.  Anyone involved in any part of the editing process may be a card carrying member of the Communication Correction Patrol.  I’m an author so I know.   In fact, anyone with bright kids might know this intimately!  Those who spot errors feel the overwhelming need to fix stuff, but I implore you to stop and think if this is the best course of action in each particular situation.  If so, please handle with care.  If not, might I suggest Nitpickers Anonymous.   We meet on Thursdays!

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula, including Say What You Mean Defending the Faith.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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Last week I shared some tips for business blogging and social media.  I shared Ten Things to Post During Tough Times.  This week I want to share Ten Things NOT to Post During Tough Times.  Tough times are hard enough without having to read through stuff like this.  As an added bonus, you’ll notice that they all rhyme!

Ten Things NOT to Post During Tough Times

1. Spam

Nobody wants to be sold, especially during tough times.  Sharing a special offer once in a while with folks you have a relationship with is one thing, but ONLY posting your wares or posting six offers in a row or posting the same offer several times is not something that will win you friends and influence customers.

2. Scams

Make money in your sleep not only sounds like an ad, but it feels like a scam.  Don’t pray on people’s needs by posting to every Tom, Dick and other Tweeple about your latest network marketing idea.  Even if it’s a fabulous opportunity and just perfect for her, she’ll see you as an opportunist instead of a friend who is sharing a great idea.

3. Ham

If you’re gonna post an award you received, by all means be HUMBLE about it.  Remember that few people will want to hear about how great you are.  If you’re going to post how great something is, post how great God is!  Post the opportunities God has given you instead of how great thou art!

4. Jam

I know you’re probably thinking nobody would do this, but be careful about what things you reveal about yourself online!  I’ve seen folks post about the trouble they got into over the weekend or with the law.  I guess we all should avoid such trouble anyway, but if you do happen to get into some, you might not want to reveal that online!  Remember that Facebook, Twitter and Yahoo group posts can wind up on a Google search for years to come!

5. Slam

Another online or public no-no is to slam another company…like your competition.  The Whopper never grows in popularity by putting down the Big Mac!  It only makes the Whopper look vindictive. ;D

6. Wham

Anything that sounds too good to be true, even if it’s true, sounds too good to be true.  So don’t post how drinking this juice will cure cancer, give you muscles, make you lose 100 lbs over night or is guaranteed to make you million$ while you $leep.

7. Bam

No matter how upset you are with a Facebook friend, never post harsh words in public.  Times are tough out there and tempers can flare, but harsh words are hard to take back, even if they are justified.

8. Ma’am

Don’t solicit dates from your Facebook friends, guys!  My bio shares that I am a Christian wife of 23 years, but you’d be surprised if I told you how many times I’ve received direct messages from men making remarks about my looks and asking me to email them with my phone number.  Most women don’t find that attractive, fellas; they think it’s creepy, even if they are single.

9. Yam

Yammering on and on about the same topic or re-posting the same link over and over again is another thing NOT to do, especially during tough times.  Re-posting a link once after a few hours on Twitter because some could have missed it amongst all the other tweets is okay.  Re-posting it again in the final hours is acceptable, but posting the same post each hour on the hour is…well…ANNOYING!

10. Tram

Don’t take your readers for a ride!  Take a direct route to the point. Do not pass go.  Do not collect 200 catch phrases!

Even if your spam, scam, ham, jam, slam wham, bam, ma’am, yam or tram isn’t quite this blatant, take a good look at what you’re posting and see if the flavor is similar.  If it is, season it with a little humility and a dash of servitude.

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula, including Say What You Mean Defending the Faith.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

For more articles on communication in business, check out the bottom of our Articles Page!

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It’s been a while since I posted an article about business on Communication FUNdamentals.  The last seven weeks were devoted to homeschool articles.  So this week I thought I’d bring you an article on blogging and social media.  This week I’ll share ten things to post during the tough economic times.  Next week I’ll talk about the ten things NOT to post!

10 Things to Post During Tough Times

If you are blogging or using social media for business purposes, it’s always a good idea to know your audience.  What are your customers looking for?  What do they need?  How can you help them?  In these financially tough times, I find that there are several things people are looking for and several things they are NOT.  You can use this knowledge in order to be of use in a timely way.

1. Things that give them hope

People are struggling to make ends meet.  They need hope.  Post a short message of encouragement.  Offer to help find something in your area of expertise.

2. Things that give them inspiration

Post an inspiring quote, an inspirational picture, a Bible quote.  Give them an idea for a project they are working on.

3. Things that are a distraction

As making ends meet can be more than a full time job requiring many hours of dedication and focus, a small distraction is usually welcomed once in a while!  People can’t go on long vacations, but you can offer a mini vacation just by posting a funny picture, odd fact, clean joke or note of encouragement.  Anything that is a short distraction which allows them a tiny break in an otherwise frustrating day can be of immense help.

4. Things that make them laugh

Post a clean joke or funny saying, silly picture or even just a funny comment.  Humor is a mini vacation!  Humor helps a body release stress. Be someone’s hero and help them find something to laugh at when they are having a tough day.  Be sure not to make fun of their struggle, but do introduce a little levity.

5. Things that educate them about the changing times

If someone is struggling to do something (especially if it is in your area of expertise, but even if it isn’t), offer to help them or educate them. Make a tough situation a little easier.  They will never forget it!

6. Things that contain information about how to survive

If you have inside information or knowledge about how to survive a crisis someone is struggling with, reach out to them.  Offer to share. Help if you can.  As much as you can.  You don’t have to spend hours with them if you don’t have the hours to spare, but help someone get through a tough time in any way you can.

7. Things that warn them of troubles ahead

Let folks know of scams you have encountered.  Warn them of impending disaster.  Help them avoid further disappointments.  Take a few minutes to help someone else avoid the struggles you had to go through.  Give them the benefit of your wisdom.

8. Things that help them make money for their family

I’m not talking here about blasting Network Marketing ad links all over Facebook, but if someone has said they are looking for a business, offer some suggestions.  If you represent a company that might work for them, mention yours along with some others opportunities or ideas.  Tell Mildred she might sell her artwork she dearly loves creating.  Encourage Ignatz to look into consulting… then mention that you have an opportunity they may also want to check out.

9. Things that help them save money

Post any ideas or tips you have or find that help folks save more of their valuable income.  If this is your business, offer some free tips once a week or so!  Reply to someone who asks a specific question and needs a particular solution.

10. Things that bring them closer to God

Point them to God.  Post scriptures that speak to their soul.  Help Christians who are hurting by telling them how special they are to the Lord and to you.  Tell the unbeliever that God loves them.  Tell the believer who is questioning his struggles too!  Post things that lead folks closer to or back to God.  God can inspire hope and help change the struggles His children are going through.

What if your business has nothing to do with any of these ten things?  Why share them in a blog, on Yahoo groups, Twitter or Facebook?  Because if you help someone, if you reach out to them, if you care about them, they will care about you and what you do.  If you don’t seem to care about them and offer to help, they will not care to know you, let alone buy green, speckled widgets from you.

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula, including Say What You Mean Defending the Faith.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

For more articles on communication in business, check out the bottom of our Articles Page!

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Art of Eloquence is fast approaching the completion of its eighth year in business this November.  It’s been a very interesting ride so far.  I’ve learned a great deal about business, about myself and my faith.

When I wrote my first study, Say What You Mean (for Teens), I really wasn’t thinking of this as a business or even a ministry. It was simply an answer to a homeschool friend’s need for a more comfortable way her shy daughter could learn to communicate more effectively.  It was important to me that the approach to overcoming shyness and strengthening communication skills be fun and reflect the teachings that are so prevalent in God’s Word.  I have literally found HUNDREDS of scriptures that pertain to communication and many of them contain lessons I studied in the pursuit of my secular degree.

However, as I began to form Art of Eloquence, I quickly learned that not everyone was happy with the ‘God parts.’  The woman in charge of a nearby YMCA said she would love me to come and teach there if only I’d ‘take the God parts out.’  A public school administrator informed me that she’d love to recommend that my studies be used in the district, if only I’d agree to ‘take the God parts out.’  My Dad shared with me that he felt that I’d get a lot more sales if only I’d ‘take the God parts out.’

Over the last eight years, I can’t count the number of times I’ve been offered contracts, money, sales, an enormous venue in which to display my articles if I’d only agree to ‘take the God parts out.’ I just could never bring myself to do it.  It felt like I’d be turning my back on the Lord after He had done so much for me.  It felt disrespectful, but more than that, it felt wrong.

When I got my degree from a secular university, I felt I had a firm grasp of the concepts I had studied.  After all, I had a degree from one of the top ten universities in the country for Speech Communication.  When I accepted Christ as my savior, I found greater meaning in the lessons He wrote for us in His Word.  It more than enhanced my understanding; it put a necessary perspective on every aspect of human communication.  I found that studying speech communication without mentioning what the Bible has to say about it, is like studying automobiles without mentioning Henry Ford.

As the years went by, I began writing more about being an effective witness for Christ both as an example and when discussing our faith with others.  That’s when I really had some challenges to my approach!  I’ve had people heckle me on internet radio shows and I’ve had some NastyGrams sent to my email.  I’ve had people disrupt my online events, send scathing remarks to online groups and one lady who chastised me during a presentation I was asked to give for a group of Christians.  I found out later that she was a member of one of my Christian Yahoo groups!  She wasn’t aware that I was asked to do this presentation nor was she aware that the presentation was to a group of Christians.  She simply felt it was ‘intolerant’ of me to quote scripture and talk about Jesus when there were people who didn’t believe in Him.  So she stood up in the virtual chatroom so to speak and told me off, left the room and took several people with her.

Many times what I write cannot be divorced from scripture without diminishing the value or losing the integrity of my message.  So, though I’ve been asked many times to ‘take the God parts out, for many reasons, I simply cannot do it and remain true to the voice inside me-the voice God gave me.

I can’t say that I haven’t been tempted.  I wish I could report to you that I’ve never once allowed it to cross my mind that I might have much more of a following or more sales if I did ‘take the God parts out.’  And I know that there must be others out there who struggle with this issue whether they are authors or not.  I’d like  to share a thinking process that I use whenever I am presented with a situation like this.  I hope it will help you.

• If I were to take the scriptures out of my work, I might be able to reach a wider audience than just the percentage of Christians who feel it important to study communication from a Christian perspective.
• If I were to reach a wider audience, I might be able to reach unbelievers and they may come to know Christ.
• How many people, who are that uncomfortable with scripture, would actually be interested in these kinds of articles and studies which were written specifically for Christians?
• How many of my articles and studies really speak to the unbeliever?
• Wouldn’t I approach a nonChristian in a completely different way?
• Isn’t there a reason God directs me to write this way?
• So…shouldn’t I leave my writing the way I was directed to write it?

Some Christians are directed by God to write in order to reach unbelievers.  Some have missions that speak to the churched.  Each of us has to listen to the Lord to determine our own path and then ask ourselves questions periodically that will allow us to keep to the path the Lord has set before us.

What is your mission?  What questions do you ask yourself in order that you remain on the path God has for you?

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula, including Say What You Mean Defending the Faith.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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The last few weeks we have been blessed to find several websites and other internet sources citing links for Art of Eloquence.  I am grateful to all who have asked me to contribute articles to their publications.  I have to say that it is still a rather odd experience to see my name on someone’s website.  Even after almost 8 years, I find myself saying, “Hey, that’s me!”  lol

A humble thank you to all of the publications that have re posted my articles and published some nice reviews of Art of Eloquence in the last few weeks!  I also want to thank those of you who have retweeted my articles, blogposts and sayings on Twitter as well as those who have posted Facebook notes with our links!  Thanks for spreading the word about Art of Eloquence!  We appreciate the opportunity to let others know about the ways in which we can help people overcome social anxiety and learn to speak up and speak out effectively in order to accomplish their own missions the Lord has for their lives.

Some of the places we were featured are great resources we thought you’d want to know about.  I am posting their links here so you all could take advantage of all they have to offer.  Some are brand new and I highly recommend you check them out!

1. Homeschooling the Easy Way eMagazine: Cindy Rushton’s new online magazine for homeschoolers has some wonderful articles.  I’m going to be one of her regular contributors.  Check it out!  You can subscribe to her RSS feed and get these updates.  Here’s what Cindy shares about her new eMagazine:

“Years ago we began our Homeschooling The Easy Way Magazine.  It has always been a magazine filled with encouragement, inspiration, and practical (very DOABLE) tips for making homeschooling easy. Now, it is produced as an online eMagazine that is free for all subscribers.

Our purpose is to encourage a return back to God’s design for the godly home and homeschool! Each issue includes articles that encourage homeschooling with a lifestyle of real learning that returns to the OLD PATHS that have worked for centuries. Topics range from hearing God in your homeschool to balancing all of the many demands that the busy homeschool mom faces day-to-day to teaching lessons in a simple, EASY way to VERY practical ideas that are sure to make homeschooling in your home EASY too! You won’t want to miss a single issue!”

2. Time for Tea eMagazine: is another fabulous resource for women by Cindy Rushton where I will be a regular contributor.  Here’s what Time for Tea is all about:

“Time for Tea eMagazine began as a simple newsletter to Cindy’s friends. It grew into a world-wide magazine that was published in print for 8 years. For the past eight years, it has been published as a free weekly ezine online-our ministry to minister to YOUR heart! Now, you can receive it digitally–either online at our website OR you can purchase our reprint books at a discount–if you are a TFT eMagazine subscriber (and that is FREE–stick with me and I will tell you how to join). You won’t want to miss even one issue!

Time for Tea features articles written for the purpose of ministering to YOUR heart! Articles range from topics covering developing a closer walk with the Heavenly Father to ministering to the heart of your husband to discipling our children with a Godly heritage to ideas for homemaking from the heart to getting and staying organized to ideas for developing the impact of YOUR Home Ministry to great encouragement for home businesses to wisdom that can truly encourage you to become a vessel that God can use!”

3. SONbeams: has wonderful homeschool curricula for PreK through early elementary.  They have a great blog where they have posted a review of Art of Eloquence products for that age group.  I highly encourage those of you with young children to check out their site and blog!  Great resources for moms even if you don’t homeschool!

4. Christians in Social Media Facebook Page: was kind enough to highlight me and my work and ask others to visit Art of Eloquence.  Christians in Social Media is a brand new Facebook page devoted to helping Christians who are online figure out this thing called Social Media.  Run by a wonderful Christian leader, LaTara Ham Ying, this is a great place to be. Check it out!

Also a big thank you to those of you who have written in to share your excitement about our upcoming release, Say What You Mean: Overcoming Social Anxiety.  We really appreciate your comments and feedback!  Here are some of the comments we have been getting about this study:

“Dear JoJo,
Thank you for writing OVERCOMING SOCIAL ANXIETY.  The night before you announced this book I had prayed for God to help me find something to help me help my son feel better about his social interactions.  When I showed him this announcement, he also thought it would be good to try. ” -Anne G.

“Thank you for your work on these valuable products!  The benefits are bound to immeasurable to many.  In Him, Laurie S.”

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Today is Memorial Day so I’d like to start off by saying thank you to all our military and their families and to honor all those who gave the ultimate sacrifice to keep us free!

The last Monday of the month is usually reserved for your comments and questions.  This Monday is a bit different in that I’m going to focus on the one question I have received over the years from homeschoolers.  It fits right in with my “A Question of Homeschooling” series of articles so this week I’d like to help homeschoolers answer the question, “Do you KNOW anything?”

One of the issues homeschoolers have to deal with is the random quizzing of our children and the questions that reflect their ‘concern’ that our children aren’t really learning anything.  I remember walking through the store or a park when someone found out we homeschooled.  Turning to my dd, they began asking her a series of questions…

“What’s 12 x 12?”

“Name the capital of Venezuela?”

“When did World War II begin?”

“Explain the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics?”

“How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?”

My dd was able to answer all of the questions folks flung at her, but she often felt like she was a contestant on Jeopardy!  It gave her some amount of stress, especially when she was young.  It can be a little unnerving for the parent as well.  You stand there wondering how long you should let this go on before you say something.  And what do you say?  “Stop quizzing my kid, she’s not a performing monkey!”

I usually would allow a question or two and then cut it short saying we had to go.  Sometimes the Quiz Master would make a comment to imply she wasn’t able to handle the interrogation, er… I mean, conversation.   Then I felt it  appropriate (read that justified) to quip, “Well, if she’d known there was a test today, she would have studied.”

Once a man began quizzing my son in the same way.  He didn’t want to let it go and made some comment which, in essence, spoke of my son’s inferior education.  I explained to him that, though my son spoke quite well, he was only in the second grade!

I have never understood the need to quiz my children. I doubt very much anyone has ever quizzed public schooled children this way!  Can you imagine the look on the parent’s face if a man had said, “Oh, you’re in public school?  What’s the capital of Venezuela?”   When I run into someone who feels the need to do this and he is not satisfied with one of my previous answers, I have taken a few minutes to point this out along with the fact that studies show that homeschooled students consistently score higher academically than public or private schooled students.

What’s important is to try to do this with as little indignation as possible.  I know it’s easier said than done when your children have been called ignorant to their face, but do try.  If you don’t, you run the risk of appearing wounded and that gives him more ammunition for future homeschoolers he encounters. (He could take this as, “The truth hurts, eh, Mrs. Homeschooler!)

Lastly, it is important to talk with your children about the encounter to assure they don’t feel belittled by this man.  Their self-esteem is important and one little careless remark by a stranger can have a big impact on a child.

Now, you may be wondering about the question which titles today’s article and you can’t believe anyone would say such a thing to a child.  I’ll tell you the story as it was relayed to me by my dd’s friend.  Apparently she was at a family event (I think she was about 13 at the time) when an older man (friend of a family member) started a conversation with her and found she was homeschooled all her life.  He looked at her and replied, “Well, do you KNOW anything?”

When someone asks if my kids ‘know anything’ or imply that I am an easy teacher because I’m my kids’ mom, I relate a story of my own.  My children are gifted.  When I brought my dd home from private school in the 5th grade, she was used to being the smartest one in the class. So much so that her teachers never made her prove it.  They often took less than her best work and praised her for it.  I made her do her best.  I insisted on it.  Though she read on an adult level by the 3rd grade and spoke like a 45 y/o when she was 6, she wrote like a first grader in the fifth grade!  I made her rewrite her papers…several times!!  In the first year of homeschool, my dd made up a chant for me called “Mean Mommy.”  There was a clap and a dance that went with it.  She taught it to her brother and they’d both run around the house chanting, “Mean Mommy” (clap clap) “Mean Mommy!”  (clap clap).

After my dd was accepted to Vanderbilt University, I asked her about Mean Mommy.  She said she was grateful for Mean Mommy today!  So I guess she does know something!

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula, including Say What You Mean Defending the Faith.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com and hosting her weekly podcast, Communication Comedy Network.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

Stay tuned next Monday for more in my article series, “A Question of Homeschooling” when I will share another answer to a typical question homeschoolers are asked.

If you have a question you are frequently asked and would like me to include it in my blog series, please post a comment here or email me at jojo @ artofeloquence.com

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I’m continuing my series of articles, “A Question of Homeschooling.”   Last week I shared the four best ways to answer the question, “Why do you homeschool?“  This week, I answer the question, “Is homeschooling legal?”

With all the buzz about homeschooling these days, not as many people believe homeschooling is illegal, but you do run into folks who question the legality of certain things when it comes to homeschooling.  This week I’m going to focus on the legal aspects of homeschooling.  This is not to be taken as legal advice and since homeschooling laws vary from state to state, I recommend visiting http://www.hslda.org for more detailed information on homeschooling in your state.  I found a very helpful resource on their website that has a summary of homeschool laws in all 50 states.

First I’d like to give you some background before I get into just how to answer these issues.  Homeschooling is legal in all 50 states, yet there are different legal requirements a homeschooler must adhere to in each state. I have homeschooled in two states so I can share some of the rules for homeschooling in those states as an example. In California, you are not really considered a homeschooler.  You are a considered a private school and must fill out a form each year (which asks you among other things to name your private school).  The form is found online for only about a month or so.  It’s available sometime in October and must be filed before some a specific date in November.  You must keep attendance records and conduct school for 180 days each year.  In Arizona, you are considered a homeschool and are required to file a form notifying the state the year you begin homeschooling.  There are no other requirements unless and until you want to stop homeschooling in which case you need to fill out another form.

While most folks these days probably won’t ask you if homeschooling is legal, they might ask you if it is legal for a mom who does not have a teaching certificate to homeschool.  Additionally, they may ask if a homeschooled student can get into college or get a job if they do not have a “legal high school diploma” from an accredited school.  I’m not an expert in the homeschooling laws of all 50 states, but it is my understanding that none of them require a parent to have a teaching certificate in order to homeschool her own children.

Most people don’t ask if I have a teaching certificate or if my children would have an accredited high school diploma because they are interested in the law as much as they are interested in the results.  Usually they are wondering how I can teach subjects I haven’t been trained in.  If you have more time, you can go into all the details, but usually I simply say that there are so many resources out there now for homeschoolers to use that help us to present the information easily and often we learn right along with our kids.  I may add that I know several public school substitute teachers who are not at all familiar with the material they are to teach and they often do a little quick research or rely entirely on the text books to teach the students.    Most traditional school text books are written with “Teacher’s Notes” or have a Teacher’s Manual that includes all the answers, lesson plans and additional resources.   That is why you may see a PE coach who is teaching a biology class.

Additionally, some homeschooling parents have a background in a particular topic and have written studies for homeschoolers.  I have a degree in Speech Communication and have a passion for teaching communication skills, so I have authored several speech communication studies for homeschoolers that require no preparation time for the homeschooling parent who is not familiar with the subject.

I want to address a secondary and quasi legal issue that comes up under this topic: what can a homeschooler do with a non accredited high school diploma?  While most of the after graduation concerns are not a real problem for homeschool graduates, some are of a little concern.

An accredited diploma simply means that the school a student graduated from is approved in a particular way by the state.  Public schools are accredited (though not all of them are as highly rated by college admissions boards).  Most private high schools are not accredited, though nobody questions whether a private school graduate will be able to get into a good college.  Though a homeschooled student may need to provide more or different information, there has not really been a big issue having a homeschooler accepted into the military, getting into a prestigious university, or when applying for a good job.  I have personally  known or interviewed homeschool graduates who have  gone on to work for NASA, become lawyers and been accepted to elite colleges like Harvard.  My own daughter attends Vanderbilt University.

The question of what a homeschoolers options are after graduation is a really easy one to answer these days because more and more prestigious universities and companies recognize what the studies have shown for many years now about homeschoolers.  Homeschoolers are well-educated, industrious, self-reliant and well-adjusted.  In fact, most prestigious or elite universities like Harvard, Princeton and Yale actually have a section of their college application for homeschoolers and are actively seeking them as students!

In the two years we took to prepare our daughter for college, we learned so much about what a homeschooler needs to know to prepare for college, that my daughter wrote it down in an eBook to help other homeschoolers understand what their options are and just how to go about it.  It’s called the Homeschooler’s Guide to Preparing for College and it’s a great resource for homeschoolers to help guide them during this time.  So you see that the information is out there to make it easier for homeschoolers!

Homeschooling is legal and it’s easier than ever before because of all the resources available to homeschoolers and the fact that homeschoolers are now sought after employees and college applicants.

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula, including Say What You Mean Defending the Faith.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com and hosting her weekly podcast, Communication Comedy Network.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

Stay tuned next Monday for more in my article series, “A Question of Homeschooling” when I will share another answer to a typical question homeschoolers are asked.

If you have a question you are frequently asked and would like me to include it in my blog series, please post a comment here or email me at jojo @ artofeloquence.com

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Weasel Words are a dead give away that you are nervous or not sure of yourself.  Weasel Words and phrases exhaust you and suck all the power out of your communication.  They zap your leadership, curtail your effectiveness and destroy your credibility.  So what are Weasel Words?

What’s wrong with this picture?

FRED: “Ok people, settle down now.  Shhhh…   Ok. I’m gonna go ahead and ask that you all quiet down so we can get some work done here.  I know you are all anxious about our trip, but I’m gonna ask that you all focus now.  Rehearsals start at 6pm and I’d like to ask that each one of you respects, you know, everyone’s time…well, my time…  I’m gonna go ahead and start rehearsals kind of right at 6pm, so…   Ok.  I’m gonna start now, people.  Uh…folks, we really need to get going if we’re gonna, ya know, get done in time tonight.  Ok now, settle down.  Thank you.  Thanks so much.  Thanks Lou, Annie…  Ok now, I’m gonna go ahead and start now with, um, with Amazing Grace.  Let’s uh, let’s all start from the second measure.”

Weasel Words are extra verbiage used to stall for time or as an attempt to make a request seem more palatable.  What can you tell about Fred?  Fred is simply not coming across as a good leader.  He has no control of the choir and he doesn’t appear to want it.  He doesn’t come across as someone folks would follow nor does he appear to be someone who can handle the demands of leadership.  Fred appears to have a problem asking for what he wants and is uncomfortable in leadership. But what if Fred had said it this way?

FRED: “Thanks for coming everyone. It’s six o’clock so let’s get started.  Let’s take Amazing Grace  from the second measure.”

Do you see how this sounds much more commanding and clear?  And Fred isn’t tired from working so hard to get everyone quiet.  Further, Fred’s mouth isn’t tired from formulating all those extra words.  Best of all, Fred is actually much more effective as a communicator and a leader.

Get those Weasel Words (and phrases) out of your vocabulary so you can speak softly and carry a commanding choir conductor’s stick.

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

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For the next few weeks, I’m going to post a series of articles answering the typical questions homeschoolers are asked.  Each Monday, I’ll post answers to questions about socialization, college prep, and extra curricular events.   I’ll also deal with how to handle things when your children are grilled by folks who wonder, (as one anti homeschooler put it) “Does she KNOW anything?”

I’ve been homeschooling for over ten years.  I have taught every grade level and even graduated one student who went on to an elite university.  My children and I have been asked every homeschooling question in the book, but this week I’m going to begin at the beginning.

Why?  Why do you homeschool?  Why did you decide to homeschool? It’s a very common question asked by many people for various reasons.  You may think it has a simple answer, but you’d be wrong.  How many times have you been asked a seemingly simple question only to find the answer isn’t so simple?

Folks often ask me where I’m from.  Seems simple enough, but my life is not simple.  I often look for the reason they are asking.  Here’s what I mean.  If you are asking where I live, I’m from Arizona.  If you are asking where I just moved from, I’m from California.  If you are asking where particularly I lived in California, I’m from Southern California.  However, if you are asking where I grew up, I’m from New York.  (Spent most of my growing up years in New York.)  If you’re asking where I was born.  Then I’m from Colorado.  What if you are asking my heritage?  Well, then I’m primarily from Russia.  Perhaps you’re just looking to find out what department I came from in the store.  In that case, I usually am from the purse department! LOL

There are four basic reasons people ask why we homeschool and the best answer is going to depend largely on your ability to discern.

1. Public school parents who ask why I decided to homeschool may genuinely want to know, but they also fear feeling like homeschoolers think they are bad mothers because they don’t homeschool.  It’s important not to overwhelm them with all the statistics about how “homeschooling is so much better than public school” and how you “wouldn’t have it any other way.”  You don’t want to condemn someone for their educational choices just as we homeschoolers don’t want to be condemned for ours.

It’s best just to give a short answer with one of the reasons and leave it at that.  If they ask more about it, you know they really want to hear more, but again, you don’t want to make it sound as if you think any less of them because they DON’T homeschool.  Each of us makes the choices we do according to what works for our family.  I know some homeschoolers who only homeschool one of their children and some who homeschool all but one.  I know some who have homeschooled all the way through and some who just started when their son was in Jr High.

I usually say something like, “We wanted to give her more individual attention and tailor the subjects to suit her needs.”

2. Public school teachers who ask are usually asking because they don’t approve of homeschooling.  They are often upset that their school won’t get the public funds and that so many homeschoolers put down public education.  I usually tell them that we started off as sort of an experiment to give her more one on one education and then revisited the idea each year.  I let them know that we were apprehensive when we began which tells them that I understand their apprehension now.  I add that it just “worked for us” which tells them that I would understand that it might not work for others and so don’t condemn anyone else’s educational choices.  If they do become defensive, I may add that my sister’s kids are in public school and they are very happy there and doing well.

3. Someone interested in homeschooling usually asks because they are interested, but cannot understand how it might work for them.  I usually find it best to tell them a bit more of the story.  I share how we had moved into a home where the previous owners were homeschoolers.  With my dd going into the 5th grade of a private Christian school, my dh asked me to “look into homeschooling” as an alternative to the expense for private school.  I relate how I talked to as many people as I could and reported back to my dh that I wanted to give it a try, but he said “Whoa!  I only asked you to check it out!”  Then I follow up with how we decided to try it for a year to see how it worked and we never left it.  This allows the person to understand that it was something we, too, had difficulty with and that if we can do it, they might want to look into it too.

4. Someone who is openly anti-homeschool usually asks in order to show me up.  What they are actually saying is, “How could you ruin your kids like this!”  I actually had many in my family ask me this because my dd was so bright and doing quite well in private school.  I used to just say that it’s worked pretty well for us and leave it at that.  However, since I graduated my dd two years ago, my answer has changed slightly.  I usually tell them that I guess I didn’t do too badly.  My dd is in her second year at Vanderbilt University!

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JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer.  Her articles appear in homeschool publications, such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, which also endorses her Say What You Mean curricula, including Say What You Mean Defending the Faith.  You can also find JoJo on web sites such as Crosswalk.com and Dr.Laura.com and hosting her weekly podcast, Communication Comedy Network.  For more information on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, please visit http://www.ArtofEloquence.com

Stay tuned next Monday for more in my article series, “A Question of Homeschooling” when I will share another answer to a typical question homeschoolers are asked.

If you have a question you are frequently asked and would like me to include it in my blog series, please post a comment here or email me at jojo @ artofeloquence.com

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